57 replies to this topic

[beautifuldoll]

So a few months ago (maybe 6 or 7 months) i met this good looking guy and we instantly connected. I felt comfortable with him and we chatted as if we were old friends. We exchanged numbers and we have been chatting ever since.

Here is the thing. When we met, we met on a good day. That means that my skin looked smooth, no spots or anything and I didn't get too oily. And plus we hung out for about 2-3 hours only so he didn't see me at my worst. We haven't seen each other since and I am the reason. He has asked me since that day if we could link up and hang out and till this day I keep coming up with excuses. Since then he has only seen my best pics, where no acne or scars are visible of course and so he thinks I am amazingly beautiful. I like him a lot and he seems to like me a lot too since he is putting up with me having excuses not to meet up even though it upsets him and makes him think i don't like him as much as I claim.. I would love to keep this guy in my life either as a friend or more but I am terrified that we are going to meet up now and with all my open pores and bad skin he will be like "huh wth i did not see this before" and then run and i'll never hear from him again. He does not strike me as that type of guy but I have never been able to keep a friend and I am afraid the same will happen with him. I have been tempted so many times to show him what I really look like and to tell him that my teenagehood wasn't filled with laughter and memories like for him and his friends but that I spent my teenage years as a recluse and still am. But i am afraid he'd see me as a freak, how could he understand.

Only talking via technology, hiding behind a screen that was so easy and convenient. But he wants the real thing now. Don't know what to do. damn you acne. :'(

Edited by beautifuldoll, 27 December 2011 - 03:49 AM.

[beautifuldoll]

beautifuldoll, on 27 December 2011 - 03:44 AM, said:

So a few months ago (maybe 6 or 7 months) i met this good looking guy and we instantly connected. I felt comfortable with him and we chatted as if we were old friends. We exchanged numbers and we have been chatting ever since.

Here is the thing. When we met, we met on a good day. That means that my skin looked smooth, no spots or anything and I didn't get too oily. And plus we hung out for about 2-3 hours only so he didn't see me at my worst. We haven't seen each other since and I am the reason. He has asked me since that day if we could link up and hang out and till this day I keep coming up with excuses. Since then he has only seen my best pics, where no acne or scars are visible of course and so he thinks I am amazingly beautiful. I like him a lot and he seems to like me a lot too since he is putting up with me having excuses not to meet up even though it upsets him and makes him think i don't like him as much as I claim.. I would love to keep this guy in my life either as a friend or more but I am terrified that we are going to meet up now and with all my open pores and bad skin he will be like "huh wth i did not see this before" and then run and i'll never hear from him again. He does not strike me as that type of guy but I have never been able to keep a friend and I am afraid the same will happen with him. I have been tempted so many times to show him what I really look like and to tell him that my teenagehood wasn't filled with laughter and memories like for him and his friends but that I spent my teenage years as a recluse and still am. But i am afraid he'd see me as a freak, how could he understand.

Only talking via technology, hiding behind a screen that was so easy and convenient. But he wants the real thing now. Don't know what to do. damn you acne. :'(

Just adding to this that i've tried to ditch him many times, because I think he deserves better and of course because i am afraid, but he is very hard to get rid of.

[PaulH85]

Don't think that he deserves better because there's no reason why you are not good enough.

I instantly knew what you meant when you said that you met him on a good day. I've been in that situation twice before with girls. I'm not going to lie to you, they were two of the most humiliating experiences I have ever had. They're also the sum total of my experiences with girls as I've been too scared to put myself forward since.

Don't panic though, I think your situation is different. Whenever I've put things off, be it with girls I might like to date or with people I would like to have made friends with, they all stopped calling or showing interest and so on after I made excuses a few times. The fact he's still asking is a positive sign. I reckon he might be one of the good guys. There's only one way for you to find out for sure!

If you arrange to meet up, what you need to do is think about how you acted and how the two of you interacted on that "good day". Then, regardless of what your skin might be like, be who you were on that day and essentially fake it 'till you make it.

Even with my rubbish attempts and embarrassing track record, the romantic in me says you should go for it. He's obviously interested and if there's a connection, that will hold more weight than something like acne. Take your skin problems out of the equation for a moment and think about whether or not you would like to see him again and whether or not you would like to see if it goes anywhere. If the answer is yes, be brave and accept his invitation. Maybe a bit of bravery will pay off!

[akko]

Paul gave great advice! You should go for it. Remember you are your own worst critic and probably think your imperfections are way more noticeable than they are.

[DainBramaged]

As a man, I advise you not to think about it. A perception of someone won't change because of a few imperfections.
I will tell you my story. Not much time ago, there was this girl I liked and she liked me too, but she had a boyfriend. I was too self conscious and hesitated to approach her when I had the chance, thinking "I can do that when I look better", like you. When she finally broke up, she told me she didn't want to be with me yet. Not because of my appearance, which was kinda better than before, but because of my lack of confidence. Yes, that's what she told me, my lack of confidence. I felt stupid and since then I'm trying to change the way I behave. That helped me realize that while looks matter, there are other things that are as important.
If you have nothing to lose, then do it, or you will regret it, no matter how much cliche that sounds

Edited by DainBramaged, 27 December 2011 - 09:49 AM.

[dmb41]

If he really cares about acne, a flaw that you are not in control of, do you really want to potentially spend the rest of your life with him?

Like the above poster stated, if you have nothing to lose go for it. What's the worst that could happen? You end up right where you were at prior to meeting this guy.

Go for it, and best of luck! I'm sure it will all work out.

[beautifuldoll]

PaulH85, on 27 December 2011 - 05:15 AM, said:

Don't think that he deserves better because there's no reason why you are not good enough.

I instantly knew what you meant when you said that you met him on a good day. I've been in that situation twice before with girls. I'm not going to lie to you, they were two of the most humiliating experiences I have ever had. They're also the sum total of my experiences with girls as I've been too scared to put myself forward since.

Don't panic though, I think your situation is different. Whenever I've put things off, be it with girls I might like to date or with people I would like to have made friends with, they all stopped calling or showing interest and so on after I made excuses a few times. The fact he's still asking is a positive sign. I reckon he might be one of the good guys. There's only one way for you to find out for sure!

If you arrange to meet up, what you need to do is think about how you acted and how the two of you interacted on that "good day". Then, regardless of what your skin might be like, be who you were on that day and essentially fake it 'till you make it.

Even with my rubbish attempts and embarrassing track record, the romantic in me says you should go for it. He's obviously interested and if there's a connection, that will hold more weight than something like acne. Take your skin problems out of the equation for a moment and think about whether or not you would like to see him again and whether or not you would like to see if it goes anywhere. If the answer is yes, be brave and accept his invitation. Maybe a bit of bravery will pay off!

Thanks a lot Paul. I knew people would understand what I meant when I said "good day". That's why I keep coming back here. It keeps me kind of sane, especially when I'm at a stage where i'm depressed because i'm thinking I inflict all this pain on myself. This place is a good reminder that no I am not inflicting this on myself, others feel the same as you.

Great advive, thanks. Sounds so easy but is so hard. I am afraid that he will soon lose interest. I thought about braving it so many times, but when I did my skin broke out badly. If I do this, the outcome will either hurt like hell or get me my first kiss ever. Pathetic.
Sorry about your experience with the 2 girls. hugs

akko, on 27 December 2011 - 08:21 AM, said:

Paul gave great advice! You should go for it. Remember you are your own worst critic and probably think your imperfections are way more noticeable than they are.

This is something my family always says, "it's not as bad as you think" which is frustrating, but I guess is true aswell.

DainBramaged, on 27 December 2011 - 09:46 AM, said:

As a man, I advise you not to think about it. A perception of someone won't change because of a few imperfections.
I will tell you my story. Not much time ago, there was this girl I liked and she liked me too, but she had a boyfriend. I was too self conscious and hesitated to approach her when I had the chance, thinking "I can do that when I look better", like you. When she finally broke up, she told me she didn't want to be with me yet. Not because of my appearance, which was kinda better than before, but because of my lack of confidence. Yes, that's what she told me, my lack of confidence. I felt stupid and since then I'm trying to change the way I behave. That helped me realize that while looks matter, there are other things that are as important.
If you have nothing to lose, then do it, or you will regret it, no matter how much cliche that sounds

Oh man that is another fear!! That my lack of confidence will turn him off. Because he has said to me so many times that I am too negative and it clearly annoys him. But god it is so hard not to be negative overall when you have this disease. It is so clear that have to make a move soon, brave it as suggested, or I will lose him completly. Oh man
I will do it! But it if goes badly, quick guys how will I get over it quick and resist temptation to jump off a bridge? Mcdonalds? lol

dmb41, on 27 December 2011 - 10:21 AM, said:

If he really cares about acne, a flaw that you are not in control of, do you really want to potentially spend the rest of your life with him?

Like the above poster stated, if you have nothing to lose go for it. What's the worst that could happen? You end up right where you were at prior to meeting this guy.

Go for it, and best of luck! I'm sure it will all work out.

No I wouldn't want to be with a guy that cares about acne but everything else about him I like. The worst that could happen at this point would be that it hurts like hell and I end up heart broken. I might probably fall back into a deep depression and think god he is the only good looking guy that ever gave me the time of day, will this happen again lol.

Well I have been depressed before. If/when we do meet I will prepare my "make-yourself-feel-better" kit before hand which includes loads of junk food and movies and tv shows from the 90's lol.

Thanks a lot guys.

[betsy91]

I am so sorry! I cannot offer you word of advice because I myself am going through the exact same thing. Except i have a boyfriend but luckily he lives long distance so I hardly see him. Once he came into town to see his family and my acne was so bad that I lied and told him I left town. All because of acne. It's so hard. Like I feel like he deserves better. We can't feel comfortable in our own skin. I don't know what to say to fix this, but I can tell you, you are not alone in this situation

Also on the plus side at least you're giving him a chase (; and maybe you guys can hang out like at night absolutely nowhere near lights lol. Like go for a midnight picnic or some ice cream late at night haha

[DainBramaged]

beautifuldoll, on 27 December 2011 - 11:04 AM, said:

Oh man that is another fear!! That my lack of confidence will turn him off. Because he has said to me so many times that I am too negative and it clearly annoys him. But god it is so hard not to be negative overall when you have this disease. It is so clear that have to make a move soon, brave it as suggested, or I will lose him completly. Oh man
I will do it! But it if goes badly, quick guys how will I get over it quick and resist temptation to jump off a bridge? Mcdonalds? lol

Well, lack of confidence is another thing. I can give you advice, but I think it will be pointless, I know how you feel. I didn't tell you the story to make you more anxious, but to help you understand that hesitating can actually be worse than anything. He likes you NOW, so it's the perfect time to make a step.

[beautifuldoll]

betsy91, on 27 December 2011 - 11:09 AM, said:

I am so sorry! I cannot offer you word of advice because I myself am going through the exact same thing. Except i have a boyfriend but luckily he lives long distance so I hardly see him. Once he came into town to see his family and my acne was so bad that I lied and told him I left town. All because of acne. It's so hard. Like I feel like he deserves better. We can't feel comfortable in our own skin. I don't know what to say to fix this, but I can tell you, you are not alone in this situation

Also on the plus side at least you're giving him a chase (; and maybe you guys can hang out like at night absolutely nowhere near lights lol. Like go for a midnight picnic or some ice cream late at night haha

It's comforting to know i'm not alone, for sure. I feel he deserves better too. I feel he deserves a girl that enjoys being active like he does, a girl that can wear tanks, dress as she wants cause he's kind of into fashion. But I am restricted in so many things.

The upside for you though is that at least you have a boyfriend. Can I say to you, you're very lucky. If you love your boyfriend please don't mess it up with him. So many of us would love to be at that stage where we have a boyfriend.

[californiaEstie]

The only thing I can say is what if you never see him again... think about it. I'm pretty sure both of you would be unhappy and you would be kicking yourself off and on for the rest of your life wondering if you could have had this amazing relationship. Regret is a pretty sticky emotion and it tends to be long term. I would start a conversation with him thru text or whatever you guys do and let him know that you feel your skin isn't perfect. Discuss it lightheartedly (I know.. hard) and see what he says. If he is understanding, which I believe he will be, let him know how much it hampers you. Once he knows he can reassure you. It's not worth the heartache. Let him in..

[beautifuldoll]

DainBramaged, on 27 December 2011 - 11:13 AM, said:

beautifuldoll, on 27 December 2011 - 11:04 AM, said:

Oh man that is another fear!! That my lack of confidence will turn him off. Because he has said to me so many times that I am too negative and it clearly annoys him. But god it is so hard not to be negative overall when you have this disease. It is so clear that have to make a move soon, brave it as suggested, or I will lose him completly. Oh man
I will do it! But it if goes badly, quick guys how will I get over it quick and resist temptation to jump off a bridge? Mcdonalds? lol

Well, lack of confidence is another thing. I can give you advice, but I think it will be pointless, I know how you feel. I didn't tell you the story to make you more anxious, but to help you understand that hesitating can actually be worse than anything. He likes you NOW, so it's the perfect time to make a step.

Yeah I know you told me your story to help and it helped cause it reminded me that on top of my acne worries there are the actual worries that dating entails personality, goals... etc I can feel spots coming out just worrying about it now

[Tunnelvisionary]

Well just from a guy's perspective, a girl being really okay with just being herself, acne and all, is one of the most beautiful things ever. There was a girl in my lab at college that had zits all over her face, but she really didn't care and she had such a radiant smile that it really didn't matter.

[beautifuldoll]

californiaEstie, on 27 December 2011 - 11:15 AM, said:

The only thing I can say is what if you never see him again... think about it. I'm pretty sure both of you would be unhappy and you would be kicking yourself off and on for the rest of your life wondering if you could have had this amazing relationship. Regret is a pretty sticky emotion and it tends to be long term. I would start a conversation with him thru text or whatever you guys do and let him know that you feel your skin isn't perfect. Discuss it lightheartedly (I know.. hard) and see what he says. If he is understanding, which I believe he will be, let him know how much it hampers you. Once he knows he can reassure you. It's not worth the heartache. Let him in..

Great Idea. Like I said in my original post i've thought about showing him what I really look many times. On top of fearing he will think i'm a freak, i'm afraid that in doing this aswell it will make it more of an issue than it would have been for him, if I didn't say anything at all...does that make sense?

[PaulH85]

beautifuldoll, on 27 December 2011 - 11:04 AM, said:

Great advive, thanks. Sounds so easy but is so hard. I am afraid that he will soon lose interest. I thought about braving it so many times, but when I did my skin broke out badly. If I do this, the outcome will either hurt like hell or get me my first kiss ever. Pathetic.
Sorry about your experience with the 2 girls. hugs

Hey, I never said it was easy. You're quite right about the possible outcomes but that's just how it is. If you don't find out, you'll never know. The first time I put myself out there, the girl in question was a friend of someone I went to school with. She'd seen a "good" picture of me and in the end my skin looked nothing like that when we met. Truthfully, I was bang in the middle of the worst breakout I have had over my thirteen year battle. I should have just made some excuse but I figured that maybe if I could smile and be nice, she might not mind. That didn't work because I didn't want to be there and couldn't look her in the eye, so straight away there was a problem. That's why I think that if you can display some confidence and be who you were when you met the guy in question, that is primarily what he will notice. Speaking from a guys point of view, I can honestly say I wouldn't care and that's not because I can relate to these feelings and to the acne. Bottom line is, acne is meaningless compared to being a nice, confident and happy person with lots to share, so don't define yourself by your skin and be that person instead. Fact is, a girl who is comfortable and confident in herself is easily the most attractive trait I can think of and I'm sure many guys would agree.

If your scenario is pathetic, then we're both pathetic together! I don't feel that way about myself or my complete lack of experience and neither should you. These things happen when they're meant to. I can't see the point in trying to get somewhere with people who aren't right for us, just to tick something off a proverbial to-do list. He sounds like a good guy to me. I mean, he's pointed out a lack of confidence so he's aware that perhaps you're not totally comfortable in yourself. At that point, he could have decided that it was too much like hard work but he hasn't. He's still around and I think that's a positive sign.

Edited by PaulH85, 27 December 2011 - 11:28 AM.

[beautifuldoll]

Tunnelvisionary, on 27 December 2011 - 11:19 AM, said:

Well just from a guy's perspective, a girl being really okay with just being herself, acne and all, is one of the most beautiful things ever. There was a girl in my lab at college that had zits all over her face, but she really didn't care and she had such a radiant smile that it really didn't matter.

Wow. Thanks always nive to get a guys perspective. So basically as Paul suggested "fake it till you make it"

[californiaEstie]

beautifuldoll, on 27 December 2011 - 11:21 AM, said:

californiaEstie, on 27 December 2011 - 11:15 AM, said:

The only thing I can say is what if you never see him again... think about it. I'm pretty sure both of you would be unhappy and you would be kicking yourself off and on for the rest of your life wondering if you could have had this amazing relationship. Regret is a pretty sticky emotion and it tends to be long term. I would start a conversation with him thru text or whatever you guys do and let him know that you feel your skin isn't perfect. Discuss it lightheartedly (I know.. hard) and see what he says. If he is understanding, which I believe he will be, let him know how much it hampers you. Once he knows he can reassure you. It's not worth the heartache. Let him in..

Great Idea. Like I said in my original post i've thought about showing him what I really look many times. On top of fearing he will think i'm a freak, i'm afraid that in doing this aswell it will make it more of an issue than it would have been for him, if I didn't say anything at all...does that make sense?

Yeah it totally makes sense and I know where you are coming from. That's why I'm not saying send him a picture of your bare face or anything, just casually bring it up in conversation and see how he reacts. If you feel like he is understanding, tell him you struggle with your skin. Sharing a personal problem and getting feedback is different than running up to him and pointing out every flaw. That would be an issue, discussing it with him shouldn't be. Give him a little faith

[Tunnelvisionary]

beautifuldoll, on 27 December 2011 - 11:24 AM, said:

Tunnelvisionary, on 27 December 2011 - 11:19 AM, said:

Well just from a guy's perspective, a girl being really okay with just being herself, acne and all, is one of the most beautiful things ever. There was a girl in my lab at college that had zits all over her face, but she really didn't care and she had such a radiant smile that it really didn't matter.

Wow. Thanks always nive to get a guys perspective. So basically as Paul suggested "fake it till you make it"

Well not quite, you could tell she wasn't faking anything. She was just herself and didn't have any qualms with that.

My advice? If you're freaking out and you think you're a wreck, don't fight the feeling, that never makes anything right. Accept what you feel, and how you look...everything you think is wrong with you. If you really give in to the whole experience, you realize somehow, that through it all, it really is okay to just be who you are, no matter what that means. It's a lot less stressful too. That freedom to be a trainwreck and be okay with it, just gives way to that beautiful radiance that people can have.

[beautifuldoll]

PaulH85, on 27 December 2011 - 11:22 AM, said:

beautifuldoll, on 27 December 2011 - 11:04 AM, said:

Great advive, thanks. Sounds so easy but is so hard. I am afraid that he will soon lose interest. I thought about braving it so many times, but when I did my skin broke out badly. If I do this, the outcome will either hurt like hell or get me my first kiss ever. Pathetic.
Sorry about your experience with the 2 girls. hugs

Hey, I never said it was easy. You're quite right about the possible outcomes but that's just how it is. If you don't find out, you'll never know. The first time I put myself out there, the girl in question was a friend of someone I went to school with. She'd seen a "good" picture of me and in the end my skin looked nothing like that when we met. Truthfully, I was bang in the middle of the worst breakout I have had over my thirteen year battle. I should have just made some excuse but I figured that maybe if I could smile and be nice, she might not mind. That didn't work because I didn't want to be there and couldn't look her in the eye, so straight away there was a problem. That's why I think that if you can display some confidence and be who you were when you met the guy in question, that is primarily what he will notice. Speaking from a guys point of view, I can honestly say I wouldn't care and that's not because I can relate to these feelings and to the acne. Bottom line is, acne is meaningless compared to being a nice, confident and happy person with lots to share, so don't define yourself by your skin and be that person instead because I swear, I girl who is comfortable and confident in herself is easily the most attractive trait I can think of and I'm sure many guys would agree.

If your scenario is pathetic, then we're both pathetic together! I don't feel that way about myself or my complete lack of experience and neither should you. These things happen when they're meant to. I can't see the point in trying to get somewhere with people who aren't right for us, just to tick something off a proverbial to-do list. He sounds like a good guy to me. I mean, he's pointed out a lack of confidence so he's aware that perhaps you're not totally comfortable in yourself. At that point, he could have decided that it was too much like hard work but he hasn't. He's still around and I think that's a positive sign.

Thanks Paul you seem really nice and give great advice. Some girl is missing out!

[DainBramaged]

PaulH85, on 27 December 2011 - 11:22 AM, said:

beautifuldoll, on 27 December 2011 - 11:04 AM, said:

Great advive, thanks. Sounds so easy but is so hard. I am afraid that he will soon lose interest. I thought about braving it so many times, but when I did my skin broke out badly. If I do this, the outcome will either hurt like hell or get me my first kiss ever. Pathetic.
Sorry about your experience with the 2 girls. hugs

Hey, I never said it was easy. You're quite right about the possible outcomes but that's just how it is. If you don't find out, you'll never know. The first time I put myself out there, the girl in question was a friend of someone I went to school with. She'd seen a "good" picture of me and in the end my skin looked nothing like that when we met. Truthfully, I was bang in the middle of the worst breakout I have had over my thirteen year battle. I should have just made some excuse but I figured that maybe if I could smile and be nice, she might not mind. That didn't work because I didn't want to be there and couldn't look her in the eye, so straight away there was a problem. That's why I think that if you can display some confidence and be who you were when you met the guy in question, that is primarily what he will notice. Speaking from a guys point of view, I can honestly say I wouldn't care and that's not because I can relate to these feelings and to the acne. Bottom line is, acne is meaningless compared to being a nice, confident and happy person with lots to share, so don't define yourself by your skin and be that person instead. Fact is, a girl who is comfortable and confident in herself is easily the most attractive trait I can think of and I'm sure many guys would agree.

If your scenario is pathetic, then we're both pathetic together! I don't feel that way about myself or my complete lack of experience and neither should you. These things happen when they're meant to. I can't see the point in trying to get somewhere with people who aren't right for us, just to tick something off a proverbial to-do list. He sounds like a good guy to me. I mean, he's pointed out a lack of confidence so he's aware that perhaps you're not totally comfortable in yourself. At that point, he could have decided that it was too much like hard work but he hasn't. He's still around and I think that's a positive sign.

Paul, did the girl show any signs of being annoyed by your breakout?