53 replies to this topic

[NCsweettea]

I hate the anxiety, too....and mine really has been almost debilitating at times, with regards to acne. It's hard to explain it to folks who get the run-of-the-mill pimple. But for those who don't get the painful cysts, it's hard for them to understand how emotionally upsetting it is. How overwhelmingly upsetting it can be....especially at my age, when society tells us we should be worried about lines and wrinkles, and I'm still fighting acne and oily skin!!!

With that said, I also understand that I can get very dysmorphic about my acne- like, a bump BECOMES me, you know? Instead of me being an attractive woman with zit, I become a zit with a woman attached to it !! It skews my perception to the point where I've actually been afraid to look at myself in the mirror! Where I've been convinced that people are looking at my cyst and thinking " oh gross! that woman is disgusting!" It can get SO far out there in my head with the anxiety sometimes, i become almost frozen!!! I have worked on that over the years, trying to force myself to at least go out and take a walk, or go to the gym or something. And, I have a job where I am in the public view all day, I can't hide in an office or anything like that. I am "seen" all day long. So, when the cysts come, I get so distracted at my job! UG!!

I have done something called guided imagery, and that does seem to help with the anxiety, when I get it really bad. I also try to give myself a "reality check" when I'm at my worst. For instance, recently, I have a friend who got diagnosed with breast cancer, and is going through chemo, and really feeling yucky right now. All her hair is gone, she's lost weight, and feels badly. I keep telling myself that she'd be thankful if a lousy cyst were her only concern. At least this cyst will go away without having to poison my system with chemotherapy drugs!! So, trying to keep things in perspective really does help. Like with this current cyst on my chin, I keep saying " A week from today, it will be much better..just give it a week or so....things will feel better..." It does help. And, while work is hard when I have these things, honestly nobody cares. Yeah, people can see it, and might even look at it briefly, but then it's business as usual. I doubt anyone leaves after seeing me and goes " my god, that womans cyst!!" And if they did, well, I can't help it anyway, so what can I do, but keep on keepin' on?? I am a woman with a cyst, not a cyst with woman attached!!

Anyway, hope some of those suggestions help. Trying to have an "attitude of gratitude" is a helpful tool, for sure

[shadylee]

sweettea u mite be my acne soulmate lol..its just everything you said is exactly what i go through and what i think..i really try to have attitude of gratitude...i truly think of how life can be so much worse...how this is not life threatening..and just like u said there are people who would take our cysts anyday over what they have....sometimes it works..but unfortunately sometimes it doesnt..and my anxiety gets so crazy at times, and i go into hiding....my work involves being seen too...but i am very lucky bc its a small business and have been working with the same people for a long time..so i am able to push myself to work at my worst, but hate to face customers..i cant even look them in the eye...i think it is so true..we are truly our worst critic..all we see is the cyst..and nothing else...i go back to work tomorrow and i am so not feeling my best..but trying to keep positive attitude...trying to stay away from mirror today, its my worst enemy

[cvd]

Shaylee and NC --- you are wonderful women. Do you have any idea how normal you make me feel? I have suffered for so long and have gone through all of the things you talk about...expecially the anxiety and sadness that overwhelms me. FYI --- several research studies have shown that feelings are statistically much worse with adult acne sufferers than with other diseases, even life threatening ones like cancer...because acne is on the face where everyone can see it and is associated with something most people outgrow. So our feelings of anxiety and sadness are normal given the situation. This has helped me because everytime I go through a flare-up I go through a cycle of hoping it won't get worse, then dispair when it does, depression and anxiety over how awful I feel...like am I overreacting?...then acceptance...like "oh well" my feelings are okay. I think everyone breaks out a little but their cycle is short...they hope things won't get worse, it doesn't, and so the person goes on with life thinking they have overcome it. That's why I think we feel there is little empathy because we continue to suffer.

I love what you said NC --- "I am a woman with a cyst, not a cyst with woman attached" So true!!! Now if only I can remember that when I need it. I will be saying prayers that your wedding is wonderful, Shaylee, and you are free of anxiety about your skin...and that your flare-up goes down quickly, NC. It is really comforting to know there are women here who really understand. And amazingly we have partners who love us regardless of how our skin looks or how upset we are!! I was an emotional wreck this weekend. My hubby held me while I cried and kept telling me how beautiful I was. His affection despite everything gave me the boost I needed to go out of the house last night...and not worry about my skin.

That we have loving partners says something about the beauty within us I think.

I hope we all feel better tomorrow! I too work in a very public job and often worry too much about how I look! But today I am going to get outside for a walk and try to think healing thoughts!

Edited by cvd, 16 January 2012 - 01:50 PM.

[gia1]

Wow you gals brought tears to my eyes..... Although i have found my cure last year i am still battling a few scars/marks which unbelievably are still depressing. Acne can really mess with your head and can consume your mind/thoughts to the point of over whelming anxiety. I remember last year i had about 8 cysts that hurt like a mother (lol) and were huge and i was at work and just wanted to run home and cry. I still get anxiety if i think i am getting a cyst (if i get a weird sensation on my face) and there is nothing there. It is still messing with my head..... I still go on this site all the time and read posts that make me cry because i know exactly what everyone is going through and pray that they find their cure. I hope someday we don't need a site like this and everyone is cured. My husband has multiple sclerosis and he was having a hard time understanding how it was controlling me because of what he had. I explained to him no one can look at him and know he has multiple sclerosis as of now (it is internal) but when people would look at my face and take that DOUBLE LOOK it does something to your mind and you go into overdrive and you want to run and hide. i got to the point that i stopped looking people in the eye so i wouldnt see them stare at my cysts. I just hope you all find your cure someday. Gia

Edited by gia1, 17 January 2012 - 06:29 AM.

[shadylee]

Hi ladies!! Ugh had breakdown last night..cried my eyes out..fell asleep and woke up with worst anxiety ...this stupid cyst is knocking me for a loop! went to work , im so lucky to work with people that understand, my anxiety calmed down some..im home now and even tho i have tons to do, im just not up to going out, i just feel hideous..my poor guy has been trying to comfort me, but im in that zone where theres nothing he can say..i feel so bad..when i feel like this i just like sitting in bed with my laptop..when i got home i washed my face and have promised myself i will not go look in the mirror till i do my nightly regimen..tired of staring in the mirror like the stupid cyst is going to magically disappear..this one is going to take a long time..and my older skin doesnt heal as fast as it used to (...CVD tysm for the prayers ...and ty ladies for the support! feels so great to vent !!

[thisisnothollywood]

I love this post and can really relate to what ur all going through. I turned 31 Jan 13, and am still dealing with acne, large pores and blackheads...this has been a contstant nightmare since I was 14... I am off to Scotland March 2 for a month and scared shitless because I am going out of my comfort zone for a month... I know I need to do it. But I wish I could get rid of the acne, blackheads especially, i have squeezed and have holes all over my nose, with ugly blackheads to top off the large pores. It really gets depressing and this arvo, I just wanted to bawl like a freakin baby...
Hugs to u all...
Trent
Australia

[cvd]

Hi Shadylee --- I hope you're feeling better today. I totally understand your dispair! My skin doesn't repair as easily either...I still have 3 really red spots from the outbreak that started last week. I think the hardest part of dealing with these things at our age is that we know how they will progress and what we have to look forward to...swelling - redness - pain - infection - trying not to pick or freak out when we look in the mirror!!! - healing - flaking - more redness as it heals. A two week process at best. And then if we have a really bad flare-up we can multiply this fun experience by two or three or more cysts. This was my recent flare-up. Ughhh.

Hi Trent --- I think men have it easier and harder. Easier because they can look "rougher". My son breaks out but it doesn't look as bad on him because of his facial hair. But then men have it harder because they're not supposed to get emotional or upset by things. That would be hard. Because it is depressing and would make anyone feel like bawling! I hope your upcoming trip goes well and that your skin will give you a break!!!

[shadylee]

hi all! well had melt down in the bathroom at work today, but pulled myself together..its just so depressing , knowing im gettin married in 8 days and i have this cyst to contend with..its just nasty and i obsess on how its going to look in a week..ughhh!! ur so right about the whole process cvd..2 weeks at best..even if this sucker goes down definitely will have a nice red mark with me on wedding day ..im trying to relax now..lol...hiya trent!..i know exactly what u mean abt comfort zone..obviously home is the best, and work for me is ok bc as i said i work with great people...after that just about everywhere scares me when i have a flare up..i have shopping to do and really need to go to the dry cleaners...i told myself i wld at least go to drycleaners today..how hard cld it be? but no..just cant do it..so dumb!! i swear there are times i just want to rip the skin off my face..its so exhausting!

[cvd]

It is exhausting! I have a new bump forming...my skin seems to be going whacky right now. I'm doing everything right and this still happens. Never before have I so faithfully followed the right diet, used all my meds correctly, etc but I still get these things - whatever they are. I get so embarrassed and can totally understand what you are feeling Shadylee. I will be keeping you in my thoughts...that you look lovely on your wedding day!

[shadylee]

tyty cvd!..well just got back from derm office..i got a cortisone shot..was too scared this sucker wldnt go down soon enuff..not sure how im feeling, lol..its just bc my last cortisone shot didnt go so well...also when i get cortisone shots , the cyst gets like double the size right after i get it shot, so i get so nervous like its going to stay like that..and thats the stage im in right now..it is HUGE...then i get so nervous the shot wont work at all..i had that happen cpl of times..and thats the worse bc its such a let down...ughhhh...im so tired of worrying abt my skin!! i just want a breather so bad!! as u cvd, my skin is just completely wacky..i was doing so well! its so annoying..i do everything i can and so religious abt my regimen..i just dont get why all of a sudden it gets so bad!!

[thisisnothollywood]

I need a hug....ugh when is this acne going to go...for ever? UGH
Depressed right now
ugh

[shadylee]

awww trent..big big hugs!! im depressed too..cortisone shot didnt work completely..altho the cyst is smaller, its still here ...and i can tell its here to stay for quite awhile, and its really red..so depressing! it really has taken away what shld be a very happy time for me...its so dumb but i know i gonna remember how bad i felt the days b4 leading up to my wedding..it just stinks..

[cvd]

Yes it sucks! But hopefully the cyst will keep going down...sometimes it takes awhile for the shot to work. There's an oral version that can be taken too. I took it years ago for a special event...can't remember the name. It's something you can take only once in a great while so it must be a cortisteroid something or other. Wish I could remember the name. Ask your derm about this. Does he/she know you have a wedding coming up? Also an antibiotic...something strong...will help. I find the boost of a full strength antibiotic lifts my mood. Will keep you in my prayers. And a hug for you too Trent.

[sflamom]

I wanted to tell you that I can completely relate. I'm 46 and still have acne and it's very hard to deal with acne at the same time as fighting wrinkles. Wanted to let you know that you are not alone. There are some other "older", "more mature", "just been around longer" members who are going through the same thing.
I