30 replies to this topic

[Kat001]

Hi everyone,

Well i was here briefly on the boards a couple of years ago and here I go again on this merry go round that is my skin. I will give a brief run down and then keep a log of my accutane journey which started 3 days ago for the FOURTH time.

I believe my acne is genetic, both my parents struggled with it. My Journey has been up and down and all over the place over the years. It has affected my relationships, my social life, turned me from an outgoing happy person (even pretty) in to an ugly, oily depressed hermit at times. I will post a list of all the things I have tried and anyone on here who has had long term acne would understand the emotion, desperation, money spent and everything else that has gone along with it.

Washes:

Cetaphil, phisohex, acnexus, carleys clean & smooth, benzac, nizoral, various brands such as clinique, dermalogica, ultraceuticals etc etc, sesame oil, castor oil, coal tar soap and the list goes on....

Pills:

Dianette, diane-35, loette, yaz, yasmin, doxycycline, erythromycin, accutane (3 times prior),

Multi vitamins/ other herbal treatments:

evening primrose, fish oil, coconut oil, vitamin B, zinc, vitamin C, E, Vitex (agnus castus), psyllium husk, various potions from naturopaths, fijian noni juice, liquid chlorophyll, quitting dairy, all organic food and the list goes on

Professional treatments:

Blue light, smoothbeam laser treatments, chemical peels, microderm, cosmedix, facials

Topicals:

Benzac, panoxyl, differin, epiduo gel, AHA's, BHA's, Azaleic acid, apple cider vinegar, various alcohols, sulfur based treatments, pretty much every over the counter commercially available gel/ cream, papulex, nicotinamide, isotrex gel, whitfields ointment, sudocream, other home remedies such as lemon, egg, garlic, lavender, salt water, organic cleansers, toners etc.

I'm sure there is much more that I have forgotten but this is just an initial list that comes to mind when i think about my journey. I had acne on my face, back, chest. The things that have worked for me are:

Diane-35, worked like a dream until i began to develop blood clots and massive migraine headaches
Doxycycline - worked like a dream until I began to develop gram negative folliculitis
Roaccutane - its been a long time, from memory it worked but acne came back when i stopped.

Everything else has just decimated my skin, and done little to help.

Anyhow, at the age of 32 my skin is flaring badly again. My face feels like sandpaper and is oily, ruddy and ever pore is blocked. I am depressed, do not leave the house and it is very uncomfortable. Thankfully this time around I dont have the work commitments I once had (I remember crying because I could not face the office some days for the shame), and I have a loving husband who does his best to make me feel beautiful no matter what.

So! 3 days ago, I started on the erythromycin. accutane combo. 20mg accutane to start for next three weeks, then up to 40mg on Mon/ wed/ fri with the 20mg every other day. The antibiotic is just to control any flares I believe.

I will keep you posted as to my progress. Nothing yet but sore joints, dry eyes and purging.

Wish me luck. I wonder if I will ever be able to have children the way I am going with all this stuff I use and take. Even when i stop it all and try, will my body be able to conceive? I worrry I may have just massacred it over the years with this nightmare....

thanks for listening

[pooratbest]

That's a really sad story Kat, I think alot of us on here do know how it feels when spots and oily skin begin to wreck your life - you're definatley not alone on that front. I doubt anyone who hasn't experienced it could ever imagine how relentless and horrible it actually is- I can't stand it when popular shows like The Simpsons make fun of it - if it's so funny, they should try living with it for a decade. I hope it works brilliantly for you this time.
Take care,
Mark.

[PaulH85]

Fingers crossed for you Kat, here's hoping it's a case of fourth time lucky. I think that's very brave of you, although I guess I can understand the desire to bring this to an end. I've never taken Accutane myself but I've read a lot of the logs here and it often seems like a pretty big journey for a lot of people so I admire your courage to try it a fourth time.

Nice to read what you said about your husband, I bet that helps a lot to have someone there who loves you for who you are when you're perhaps not feeling so great in yourself.

All being well, the Erythromycin will help descrease the initial breakout and make things a little easier for you.

I wish you the very best of luck and success!

Edited by PaulH85, 20 December 2011 - 09:14 AM.

[jhonyguy04]

kat, have you ever conisder taking a long term accutane maintainance dose?? also have you ever tired spiro??

[Cherryx]

Have you tried not doing anything?

[Kat001]

Hi again, back to do another update. Thank you for your replies.

jhonyguy04

Yes, I neglected to add spiro to that list. I had tried it and I didn't see any change whilst on it. I took it for over 6 months. I stopped taking it for 3 months to see if I noticed a change in oil production and so on but for me, the impact seem to be nil!

Cherryx


Yes I have tried also doing nothing (which is incredibly hard). I went right off everything. No birth control, no topicals or pills. I went all natural, to a naturopath. All organic food, all organic skin care in terms of cleansing, etc. No dairy, no gluten. After so many years on Diane 35 I wanted to see what my body would do with its own ability to regulate my hormones. I expected a flare up and then hoped for a settling down. No such luck. It just got worse and worse and worse. Ultimately it destroyed my self esteem, social life, hindered my ability to work, I slipped in to a depression. It even affected my relationship. I didn't want my boyfriend to come near me because I felt ugly, embarrassed and ashamed.


My update on day 7... I am surprised at how quickly it seems to have kicked in for me this time and how much more I am aware of my side effects. It has been a good many years since the last time but at 32 I would hate to think my memory is that bad LOL!

Oil is drying up. Any smaller breakouts seem to have vanished. Lots of little blackheads seem to be just kind of "falling out" of my pores. A couple of big cysts on my neck (thankfully kind of under my jaw so can be hidden) and one on my right cheek bone which has flattened quickly but has left a dark purple mark to remind me it was there!

Still can feel congestion under the skin, but as far as how it LOOKS - i'm feeling a heap better about myself already. Just having less oil immediately makes it easier to deal with. If i need to go out I can cover most of it with makeup and it is not shining up in 5 minutes.

Using a cleanser similar to cetaphil, using a light lotion in the morning and at night because i was peeling quite a lot yesterday morning. We had to go out to a xmas dinner last night and my husband commented on how good my skin was looking before we left. When we got to dinner everyone said how "well" I was looking" - it felt great, considering ive not been out much lately at all.

I think the difference for me this time in terms of speed of impact must be the Erythromycin which i had never used before in my past experiences. It is making this first part heaps easier.

I have noticed that within about 30mins of taking the accutane I can really FEEL its effects. I feel achey, tired, my jaw even aches a little. Dry eyes, dry mouth/ throat. The other thing is I am drinking heaps more than I usually do and I seem to have turned in to a human vaccuum for food. I never expected this side effect but it makes me noticeably very hungry. I am only tiny (49/ 50kg, 5 ft 4 inches) but wow I can put away some food! LOL

Anyway, the journey so far physically has made me feel a bit rubbish but emotionally, etc I feel soooo much happier already only on day 7. Really hopeful that this time is the answer for me. A little worried about how I will cope with upping the dosage in 3 weeks from now as this dose seems to feel pretty strong for me already. Time will tell.

Thanks for reading and for your thoughts. xox

[Cherryx]

By doing nothing, I ment no cleansing. Just washing face with cold water, that's it. I'm sorry to hear that your skin has been through so much, I know it's really hard, and sometimes we tend to over-wash and over-treat skin to the point where it can't heal itself.

[luc_nic]

hi there. best of luck on your fourth course. wishing you all the best and that this will be the last one for you!!! im about a month into my second course, so i know a little how you feel.
like johny suggested have you considered a long term ultra low dose course? ive read alot about people being on for a few years at 40mg or so a week with good success

[Kat001]

Cherryx


No, i never tried just that. I guess mentally/ emotionally I felt so desperate I always felt I should be using something. I have had a couple of weeks here and there on beach holidays with my husband where I was swimming in the ocean every day and not really using anything but that didn't seem to make much difference. That is rare because I NEVER go to a pool/ beach unless it is really quiet or isolated. If there are lots of people around there is no way....God forbid it should flare like that ever again after this round but if it does, maybe I will try the suggestion. Heck i've tried everything else so why not?

luc_nic


No, i haven't ever had low dose... I guess a couple of things - my dose at the moment is 20mg (I only weigh 49kgs) so I cant tolerate much accutane anyway. Not sure if I could actually have a "low dose" long term in my case. The other thing is, at 32 yrs old now, it is not really an option as we are yet to have a family and would like to at some stage. that being said, once i have had them, this might be an option for me to consider. I think this is a great option for males or younger females but at my point in life, perhaps not right now.

[blahdeeblah]

I was insanely hungry my first 2 weeks and now I practically have to force myself to eat. I get sick to my stomach sometimes because I can go until almost 5pm without being hungry but I can feel myself getting lightheaded. Hopefully your hunger will subside as well and if your appetite subsides you can handle it better than me

[Again!]

Oh my gosh, I feel so bad for you and what your going through. I will be ending my 3rd course in 3 weeks and I already know that I will be on it again in the near future. How sad is that?! I feel your pain. Feel free to check out my log. It's long, so feel free to skip most of it. Just read the first part to get my story and then on the last page I have a link for my before and current pictures.

Life is so unfair it seems. Acne isn't cancer or a death sentence, but people really fail to realize the emotional damage it produces. I can control my weight by diet and exercise, but not with acne. I myself do believe what my derm told me which is that acne is a disease and there is nothing I can do to prevent or to get rid of it on my own. People are so misinformed. They seem to confuse acne caused by hormones or stress which acne that just has no reason for being there. People constantly asked me if I tried this or that and then told me to try this or that. So annoying! I am glad that I did try everything so I answer those people with a yes to all those questions. I will admit that I do have some emotional baggage from my acne history and I really do get mad/hurt when people act like they know what their talking about when in fact they don't. It makes me feel as though they are trivializing what I am going through. That is why this site is so nice. I feel like it is the only place where I am understood and where I don't have to explain my pain.

I wish you the best and I hope that this really is the end of your battle.

[Kat001]

Again!


I know and understand EXACTLY what you mean. What REALLY irritates me is when you hear these girls (guys dont often verbalise it in public) carrying on about how BAD their skin is, and they have peaches and cream skin and maybe 3 pimples. I want to throttle them and show them how it really feels to live with moderate to severe acne. Where no part of your face and sometimes your body is clear, pain free or smooth. For most of us, even on our good days our complexion is scarred or ruddy. I would kill for normal teenage acne or similar. Mine was teenage and adult all the way through. I never had a reprieve or a period without it since puberty.


My update anyhow. Xmas day, I felt on top of the world. I went out and had a new haircut a couple of days before. I did my makeup nicely, everything was looking the clearest in weeks. We were hosting xmas at our place with a crowd of people and I felt pretty for a change. I was chatty, having fun etc. The thing was, it was a hot day and my sister in law insisted we sit in the hottest room in the house because that's where the damn xmas tree was. Having spent an afternoon sweating, even in my mineral makeup, i went to bed last night with three large cysts forming on my chin/ jawline. This morning, there were 4... tonight, 5... under the skin, HUGE. We had to go out to yet another family function today and same deal - hot day, humid... the humidity really screws with my skin. So i'm back to the battle again today and we have now cancelled our plans to try and have a mini break by the beach this coming week. I just cant face it again and back to being hermit. Hoping the accutane and erythromycin will help me. It seems to be an uncomfortable beacon of light. It brings aches and pains but it promises to deliver a social life so I keep looking forwards to the coming weeks and months. *sigh*

I hope you all had a good xmas, it wont be long before I up my dosage and will see what that brings.

PMalaska, on 24 December 2011 - 12:07 AM, said:

I was insanely hungry my first 2 weeks and now I practically have to force myself to eat. I get sick to my stomach sometimes because I can go until almost 5pm without being hungry but I can feel myself getting lightheaded. Hopefully your hunger will subside as well and if your appetite subsides you can handle it better than me

I hope i dont get the non-hungriness. I can't afford to lose any weight being so small already... If I do, I will be reaching for bananas. They are packed fulll of goodness and I find a smoothie or fresh banana goes down fairly easily if you have to "force feed" yourself...

[Kat001]

Day 11 - wow, hit a bad patch today. Not only do i still have these cysts but i was depressed as all hell, in tears, hating my life. Good thing I can recognise the signs of the drug and KNOW its the drug and push through it. Thank god for my husband.

Skin seems to be going through the "getting worse before it gets better" phase and I cant wait to get through to the other side. Wonder how long it will take? Have a couple of cysts - one feels like the size of a pea, thick and hard under the skin on my chin and worse, more smaller pimples appearing around it... not giving up though! going to try and take my accutane at night, see if I can avoid hitting these side effects in the middle of the day.

Anyone done this and does it affect your dreams or your sleep quality??

[Kat001]

2 weeks in to my journey. Think i had a purging the last few days. Some wierd spots that ive not experienced before. Big and under the skin but after a shower/ heat application I can squeeze and floods seem to come out. This happens for about 3 days and then they go away. It's not a clear liquid, it's white but kind of milky. Gross I know.

Today I have marks from where it all was, but a lot has died down. The cysts are still there under the skin but smaller. I really really hope this is now in the phase beyond initial purging. I dont remember in my other rounds feeling so achey and tired and irritable.

Yesterday I went and played 9 holes of golf. It felt good to get out with my husband but I just wanted to sleep afterwards. I had a nap for a couple of hours. A bit naughty because I wasnt supposed to up my dose until week 3, but I took a second pill last night overnight to see if i could sleep through the effects. I seemed to do ok but had REALLY vivid intense dreams.

New year, 2012 - this is my year to be clear!!

[PaulH85]

Be careful with the picking, don't want to do the skin any damage! Hard to leave them alone though when they're right there, but it's a wise move to try and avoid popping pimples if you can, especially as the Accutane dries the skin out and makes it more fragile. Could be more likely to scar if you made the pimples worse. Might just have to tie your hands behind your back or something whenever you're tempted to go on a popping spree!

I'm liking the whole, "year to be clear" thing. That's the spirit! I'm going for the same and it actually appears to have started early. Well, I think it is, I've probably jinxed it now. It's all part of my new years resolution, only I like to be awkward and do things out of sync with everyone else, so I started a couple of weeks early.

[Kat001]

PaulH85, on 29 December 2011 - 06:05 PM, said:

Be careful with the picking, don't want to do the skin any damage! Hard to leave them alone though when they're right there, but it's a wise move to try and avoid popping pimples if you can, especially as the Accutane dries the skin out and makes it more fragile. Could be more likely to scar if you made the pimples worse. Might just have to tie your hands behind your back or something whenever you're tempted to go on a popping spree!

I'm liking the whole, "year to be clear" thing. That's the spirit! I'm going for the same and it actually appears to have started early. Well, I think it is, I've probably jinxed it now. It's all part of my new years resolution, only I like to be awkward and do things out of sync with everyone else, so I started a couple of weeks early.

I know, a very bad habit to have. I think im ok to leave things alone but when they hurt sometimes i just want to relieve the pressure...

[aanderson]

Kat, I completely empathise with you! You really brought a tear to my eye when reading your story (and reflecting on my own pain with acne).

I had moderate to severe acne from 10 years of age to my mid 30's. Was totally in bondage to OTC and prescriptive drugs. I tried everything - antibiotics, accutane, BP, retinol A, - you name it, I tried it. Though I had periods of clear skin (ie via accutane, retinol A, etc) nothing enabled me to be clear on a sustainable level. I found that after a period of maybe 4 months post being clear, my skin would start to retard any treatment I was using at the time and start clogging up. Again, I'd find myself back in the derm office only to start with the next drug in season. For me (and this is an individual thing) I eventually reached my level of satiation. I had had it with being a slave to drugs/products that were simply not even working for me. I eventually decided to go "cold turkey" and disposed of all products I had held so dear to me. I initially started with water (alone) and then added raw honey to my cleansing regime.

Well, to say I broke out was an understatement, but what kept me on the "Keep It Simple Sweet" route was the overall healthier, normalised complexion that was slowly peaking through. It took me a good 6-12 months to get clear. I completely feel you when you say there are (were) times you didn't want to go anywhere. A vicious cycle no doubt, for social interaction can be (is) healthy as with just moderate (safe) exposure to the sun (vit D). I know you've probably heard this alot, but try to not make acne control your life.

I hope this regime leads you to the results you are looking for.

PS: Your hubby is a keeper!

[Kat001]

aanderson, on 29 December 2011 - 07:33 PM, said:

Kat, I completely empathise with you! You really brought a tear to my eye when reading your story (and reflecting on my own pain with acne).

I had moderate to severe acne from 10 years of age to my mid 30's. Was totally in bondage to OTC and prescriptive drugs. I tried everything - antibiotics, accutane, BP, retinol A, - you name it, I tried it. Though I had periods of clear skin (ie via accutane, retinol A, etc) nothing enabled me to be clear on a sustainable level. I found that after a period of maybe 4 months post being clear, my skin would start to retard any treatment I was using at the time and start clogging up. Again, I'd find myself back in the derm office only to start with the next drug in season. For me (and this is an individual thing) I eventually reached my level of satiation. I had had it with being a slave to drugs/products that were simply not even working for me. I eventually decided to go "cold turkey" and disposed of all products I had held so dear to me. I initially started with water (alone) and then added raw honey to my cleansing regime.

Well, to say I broke out was an understatement, but what kept me on the "Keep It Simple Sweet" route was the overall healthier, normalised complexion that was slowly peaking through. It took me a good 6-12 months to get clear. I completely feel you when you say there are (were) times you didn't want to go anywhere. A vicious cycle no doubt, for social interaction can be (is) healthy as with just moderate (safe) exposure to the sun (vit D). I know you've probably heard this alot, but try to not make acne control your life.

I hope this regime leads you to the results you are looking for.

PS: Your hubby is a keeper!

Thank you, I really hope it works this time too. Once this is done, i think that is it. There is no way I can do contraceptives, antibiotics or accutane again. End of the line im afraid.

My husband, yes, he really changed my life. He is like the axis that keeps my world spinning when everything else feels out of control. Id be lost without him.

[Kat001]

Day 19 already, WOW how time flies...

my update... i'm still oily especially in the summer heat that we have right now, but my oil has decreased compared to what it was. Pores are still purging what I call "worms" - i.e. no liquidy zits around, just more like blackheads coming out. My skin is FINALLY looking smoother and today/ yesterday was the clearest I have been in sooo long. My brother in law turned up at the door without warning and normally i would pretend not to be hm as I had no makeup up but yesterday I answered the door.

Aches are still there and flaky lips, dry eyes but the aches seem to be getting less. The first couple of weeks I think I was suffering from 'tane depression and it made me feel tired and sick. Much less of that the last couple of days thank god. I did have one day where i was in tears all day saying "I hate my life" but I knew it was the drug and so I pushed through. As always, thank god for my loving husband.

shifted my dosage up early but I dont take the two pills together, i take one at midday and one before I go to bed with some food. Doesn't seem to have affected my sleep much but have been having some wierd dreams...

[Kat001]

Day 23. All the symptoms seem to be lessening. I still get sore, still get cranky, still have flakiness, dry eyes and lips but either im used to it, or it is settling in to a rhythm.

My face is clear, just small bumps under the skin, kind of like milia i guess which are like "worms". No new cysts thank god.

The spots on my back are being remarkably stubborn, I wish they would leave me alone. As soon as the weather is hot and humid they keep coming.

That's about it for today's update