6 replies to this topic

[Lkg88]

This is it. It's gotta stop. Picking is literally taking over my life, it's all I think about all day. It happens the same exact way every time, I don't know why I still do it because the outcome is always the same. 

I keep a small mirror in my purse and I look in it at least 20-30 times throughout the day while I'm at work, studying my pores and developing a plan of attack for when I get home. Once I figure out what I'm going to pop or squeeze it totally takes over my thoughts and I can't get home fast enough.

When I've finally got my face an inch away from my bathroom mirror, I go to work. Every little bump, blackhead, clogged pore, etc  is fair game. Watching the hardened plugs of sebum leave my skin gives me such a sense of relief, like I'm doing my skin a favor by squeezing this junk out, and a new wave of calm comes over me with each core I extract. If I feel like there's more left in the pore that I didn't get, I get my nails involved, digging and pushing until I start to bleed. I don't notice any pain,  I go into a weird, trance like state where I'm completely focused on squeezing. 

After I've decided I'm satisfied and that there's nothing left, I step back and look at my face. That feeling of calm is immediately replaced with the urge to puke. It's an inflamed, swollen mess and I try hard not to start to cry. I apply my AHA treatment and go to bed, praying that I don't wake up with new, self inflicted pimples (I almost always do).

I don't know why I do this to myself. All I want is clear, healthy skin and here I am actively sabotaging any chances that I have. I'm on spironolactone and while it's been an extremely bumpy ride (initial breakout from HELL), things are finally starting to improve. If I just kept my fucking hands to myself,
I'd probably have 80% clear skin right now,  minus a few clogs that are unnoticeable to normal people, not OCD freaks like myself. Instead, I've got three nice fat zits on the right side of my mouth and one on the left side of my jaw from my squeeze fest last night, and another one by the left side of my nose that I'm hoping doesn't swell into a full blown pimple. This is on top of a ridiculous amount of red marks due to my last horrible breakout. 

It's time to stop. It's one thing to be breaking out due to circumstances beyond my control but to have new blemishes everyday that I basically put there myself is fucking ridiculous. It makes me sick to think of how nice my skin could be right now if I could just leave it alone. 

NEW PLAN OF ATTACK:

NO more mirrors. The little one in my purse is history. Staring at my skin all day is doing me absolutely no favors, the less aware of every little clogged pore I am, the better (ignorance is bliss, right?). I'm going to spend as little time in the bathroom as possible. I plan on keeping my eyes closed while washing my face and staying focused only on the skin from my nose up to my forehead when they need to be open (the skin in this area is near flawless, it's mouth/chin area that's a completely disaster). I will leave the room while brushing my teeth so I'm not staring in the mirror the whole time. Basically, mirrors are my enemy until I can get the picking under control. 

I've also banned myself from picking, with the exception of big fat nasty white heads. No more digging at every pore trying to extract matter that may or may not even be there. If something has a very obvious head, I'll take care of it because I know it'll bug the shit out of me if I don't. Other than that, NO PICKING.  I wish I had taken a picture of last night's massacre to remind myself just how much I regret picking every time I do it.

Soooo here I go! Wish me luck, any other tips would be greatly appreciated!

[PaulH85]

I feel like you just read my mind. I've taken the same approach with my skin, popping every pimple and picking at anything and everything I could find, for the last thirteen years. In terms of scarring, I got away with it and have been very lucky in that respect, but I'm pretty sure I'm entirely responsible for making my skin problems last as long as they have.

Sounds like you're on the right track with the new approach - getting rid of that mirror, limiting time in front of mirrors in general and not getting so close, etc..
I know what it's like to have these thoughts and actions take over and quite literally interfere with life on a daily basis, so I wish you all the luck in the world in beating this.

[captainsunshine]

Good luck stopping. Can't remember how or when I stopped, been a while since my skin was bad enough to pick. Got some scarring on my left cheek where I must have gone at it though. Your brain just needs to realise that a spot is your body trying to do you a favour. Picking or bursting the spot is slowing or damaging the healing process.

[KHowz]

wow your post sounds like something i could have written. i have a bad habit of staring at myself in my mirror all day when i am at work and then when i get home i start to pick at my face. its such a bad thing to do but its so hard to not do it. i am going to try and leave my mirror at home too becuase all it does is give me anxiety throughout the day and then i cant concentrate on anything else. i wish you the best of luck and keep me updated of your progress.

[Lkg88]

Thank you all so much for comments! The support is greatly appreciated (and much needed).

Consider night one of "no picking" a failure. To be fair, I only went at spots that came up from yesterday so it's not like my face will look any worse tomorrow than it did today...such sad reasoning but it makes me feel a little better.

No one said this would be easy, right?

[Gutterflower]

Don't consider it a failure if you haven't given up. As long as the urge to stop is still there and you are willing to continue to try, it's not a failure. You'll get better at it each time. It was a good step getting rid of the little mirror in your bag. Could you cover the mirrors in your house in the evenings just so they're not there to distract you?

Could you try to replace the actual act of picking with something else? For example, when you feel like you need to pick, find something else to do with your hands. Write something, draw something, go for a walk... clean something. Write every word you can think of starting with the letter L. Just break the cycle. Sure, you might relapse a few times, but eventually you'll retrain yourself to do other things when the urge comes along. Buy a stress ball!

[Lkg88]

Ohhh I love the stress ball idea!!! Totally picking one up on my way home today, thanks so much for the tip. My biggest trigger is when I'm actually in front of the mirror staring directly at all of the things I could (and in my mind, should) pick. I'm not one to let my hands absent mindedly roam my face during the day and pick at whatever bumps I feel. I need to actually be looking at my skin and actively selecting what gets to stay and what needs to go. I live with my family so unfortunately covering mirrors probably wouldn't go over very well, I'm just doing the best I can to avoid them at all costs!