49 replies to this topic

[jjn]

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QUOTE (Renegade Angel @ Sep 15 2011, 09:57 PM) *

Quick reply, but I wasn't using the word "illogical" to attack anyone for their opinion. If anything, I say "illogical" meaning, "making little sense." But I don't mean it as an attack.

But to Blue Giraffe, not to sound rude, but you're only 17. Trust me, people change their minds, especially when they find the right person and get married. Not to say you will, but it happens a great deal. But I agree, people should consider the pros and cons when deciding to have kids, but it's like a natural urge for couples to want to create a family together, and sometimes that urge should be suppressed, lol. It's a beautiful thing, at least it used to be. Now it's just the topic of teenage pregnancy shows on MTV and paternity tests on Maury. Sad. Which is why I'm waiting till I'm at least 27-28 years old. I can't imagine having kids early, I don't see how people people do it...


Oh. It seemed like an attack to me though. If I grow up and choose not to have kids because of acne and someone says that it makes little sense, I will be offended. The person doesn't know what I'm going through. Honestly I don't even care about my face acne. It's generally clear, but I do get like 2 cysts a week. I have little break outs, but I don't even count them because I'm so used to them (even though some people I know would freak out over them). And I have very bad marks on my face because my skin is genetically tan and the melanin works in a way where the littlest pimple will leave marks for months even if I don't touch it.

It is my body acne that would keep me from having kids. I don't know if you deal with it or not, but if you don't, then you don't know what I'm going through. I can't do my favorite sports. Can't wrestle this year or go to the gym and do grappling mixed martial arts. I have to carry many of my heavy books because my bag causes acne on my shoulder. Even wearing a light bag sometimes does. And these pimples can really hurt. To the point where I sometimes can't even sit back in a chair. I avoid doing that anyway because it causes acne. I can't go to the beach which is basically what my friends did all summer. I even stopped using the bench press in my basement because when I have acne it hurts and when I don't have acne I get it.

To say that it makes little sense (not having kids because of acne) - I see that as an attack. If I have kids, I want them to be happy. From 7-9 grade it wasn't fun having no self-esteem and being obsessed with face acne. Now, with great self esteem (with my shirt on), it isn't any better that I have to deal with this body acne. There have been girls that like me that I am interested in, but I don't get attached with anyone anymore.

I want my kids to have what I didn't have. You are right when you say people change their minds. I never said anything that would suggest otherwise. I said myself "in this point in my life, I don't think I'll ever have kids". The "in this point in my life" means that it can change. And even if I don't change my mind, it doesn't "make little sense". I have very good reasons for it. Adopting a child who is in need of parents/family would be much better. If he has no/little acne, then he will feel loved and won't have to worry about acne. If he does have acne, well he will have to deal with it regardless of whether I adopt him or not. I might as well so I can provide support. But why should I bring another life into this world who has to deal with it? I think I have good reasons and it does make sense.


Once again, I'm not attacking anyone for their opinion. I'm sorry you have to go through acne, but like I said before, I also have body acne, everywhere you can imagine. And no, I've never had cysts, but considering what I've been through having pimples in every imaginable place on my body, I'd say I have a little more insight into the emotional aspect than others may think.

I say it makes little since because whether you adopt a child or not is irrelevant. What if the child you adopt ends up having severe acne? Then what? It'd be the same situation whether he/she was your biological child or not. I simply feel that we all cannot escape from pain. It's as simple as that. There are people who have cancer, AIDS, diabetes, etc and they procreate. The world has to go on regardless, and stopping a natural event in the world due to illness would cause great stress to the population eventually if everyone carried that mindset.

But I do understand that acne is painful to you. I'm not neglecting to acknowledge that. I'd just hate for you to one day wake up and meet the woman of your dreams and want to build a family with her only to be held back by your acne. That's what would sadden me. It hurts for me to hear people be affected so dramatically by this, but I do understand it. Trust me. It's ruling my own life. I'd know how it feels.

Renegade Angel

We didn't just come to the decision to not have kids at this point in our lives because we got one pimple. It was a difficult decision that came after many years of weighing the advantages and risks of having children and dealing with our specific circumstances with acne. Using words like illogical, irrational, and un-intelligent IS attacking people and I didn't appreciate your words. You admit that you never had cysts so our experiences with acne are clearly different. That is most likely the reason for our different viewpoints on this issue and if you had to deal with really bad facial cystic acne for a few years you might be more understanding.

I have read most of the posts on this thread and I don't think anyone here is saying that any person with acne should not have kids. What I am saying is that if you have severe cystic acne with a family history of it (meaning a strong genetic predisposition) then you should consider not having kids until a cure is found. To use my family as an example of the risks. The paternal side of my family has had to deal with acne. My acne along with a cousin too turned out to be pretty bad cases (worse then what our dads had when they were younger). I know there will always be a risk that my kid's cystic acne could be worse than mine. Do I want them to have to suffer my disease? Absolutely not.

There is no law that says you must have kids biologically. Two couples naturally want to have kids together. So what to do? Well, if you two decide to have kids knowing that the chance of cystic acne is very high based on genetics; then your kids will have to deal with the consequences of that decision. However, if you adopt, then you made an honorable decision to reduce the risk of acne in your children. Bringing a kid into your world who is biologically not yours but loving him/her in your home is one of the most beautiful things anyone can ever do; as beautiful as the birth of a child. I see no difference between having a kid and adopting a kid but there is a much smaller risk of severe acne in the latter. If your adopted child has severe acne, then at you are there to provide emotional support and to teach them how to treat the acne properly (what medications to use, how not to leave scars, etc.).


-jjn

Edited by jjn, 01 February 2012 - 05:21 AM.

[amy91]

Kids.....I am not sure would I ever have kids!

[JMTM18017]

jjn, on 03 September 2011 - 06:19 AM, said:

I don't think it is right to have children if your family has a history of severe acne. If you really want to have kids, there are many children out there abandoned by their biological parents who are looking for a loving home. Adopt!

I can understand your though processes here, but that's a dangerous way to think-- it's almost along the lines of "If you're dark skinned, you shouldn't have kids, because then they will have to live with the racism you do..." or "If you're a bald male, you shouldn't have sons because they they'll have to live with the prejudice society has regarding baldness"... Or "if you were born with club foot, don't have kids because they'll have club foot".
PS, sometimes pregnancy just happens. I never wanted kids, and ended up getting pregnant in my mid 20s-- yet I still had my son, which I don't regret. If he does have acne issues, I will make sure I get him the help he needs as quickly as possible. Actually, our incessant skin problems might make us better parents in the sense that we will not ignore our children's "non-life-threatening" health and emotional problems.

Edited by JMTM18017, 25 September 2011 - 02:15 PM.

[OPeggyGordon]

Kody_R_F, on 02 September 2011 - 08:57 PM, said:

Very good topic. I haven't really thought about it. MOST of the time, Acne is purely genetic (in other words if either one of your parents had acne, I'm talking no matter the severity of acne : Mild, Mildly Moderate, Moderate, Moderate Severe, Severe, your probably going to have it too unfortunately). Sometimes though, one (or both) of the parents can have acne and the child won't get acne or neither one of the parents had acne and the child ends up having acne. But most likely, your kids will end up having some kind of acne like you did. I'm in the same boat as you when it comes to inheriting acne. My Dad had moderately severe acne as a teen and he passed the acne trait along to me (even though my acne is a step below his : Moderate). Anyways, I hope my kids (if I ever have any) don't have to deal with this shit every day like I have to (seriously, this shit is the #1 reason I can't live a normal life like 80 % of the world who has clear skin can; we're the minority in this, only 2 out of 10 people have acne, that's preety telling).

hey Kody, I just wanted to tell ya my statistics,cause I know you always bring them up, only 1% of people get chilblains anymore, I got them! This isnt some Dickensian life where I have no heating, jaysus but I guess I have bad circulation. I have a rare form of vasculitis which only effects 1% of the population. An, silly as it sounds 99% of people find eating bananas helps their heartburn, while 1% get worse...guess what, myself is one of those.
I dunno, just sound like you need some empathy mate.

Edited by OPeggyGordon, 29 January 2012 - 09:34 PM.

[guillotineSavvy]

Acne is a crappy part of life, but having a child IS a life. I'm amazed by the amount of people saying no to children just because of the possible future problems. Guess what: there are millions of things that cause people to cry alone in their bedrooms, and acne is just one of them. If not acne, it'll be a boyfriend, or a bully at school, or mean friends, or that they're too fat, skinny, short, hairy, pale, big-nosed, whatever.

Besides, if you don't have a family, there isn't much to do in life.

[jjn]

guillotineSavvy, on 29 January 2012 - 10:43 PM, said:

Acne is a crappy part of life, but having a child IS a life. I'm amazed by the amount of people saying no to children just because of the possible future problems. Guess what: there are millions of things that cause people to cry alone in their bedrooms, and acne is just one of them. If not acne, it'll be a boyfriend, or a bully at school, or mean friends, or that they're too fat, skinny, short, hairy, pale, big-nosed, whatever.

Besides, if you don't have a family, there isn't much to do in life.

That is why most of us are saying if you have severe acne and you want to have kids you should adopt.

[MJRI94]

If I do have kids in the future (still a long, long way off mind you!) I would be saddened if they had to go through the same things I have gone through because of acne but I would also be eager to help them and show them that I know how it feels and what they are going through (and not just say that to make them feel better, I've been there, done that when it comes to acne so I would actually mean it as I'm sure a lot of you people would too).

I'm not too sure how I would approach it, I wouldn't want to be over-bearing about, besides, I hate it when people talk about it to me, but I would definitely tell them about some of the things that happened to me and try and show them that a lot of the horrible things caused by acne are actually caused from your own mind - if you can control your thinking of it you can prevent a lot of hurt.

As for people saying you should adopt rather than have kids - come on here people, get a grip - acne isn't life threatening and we have all made it through thus far, helping your children through it is better than having none of your own.

[A damsel in Distress]

If I am blessed with kids, and they get cursed with acne. I will make sure they get help and I will be behind them 100%! I know what it's like when no one understands and no one will take you to a derm. and everyone around you has clear skin and cant understand the way you feel. I will not let my child be that child.
On the other hand, I understand where people are coming from when they say they won't have kids because they want to spare them from all the pain they have been through. I once held this position. But (I tremble at introducing yet another controversial subject), I believe that all trials that come into your life are put there to make you a stronger person. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would not be the person I am today if I didnt have acne. (I am not saying I would'nt love to be rid of it. Because I would.) I think that people who have been through acne (or have it) are deeper people because they know that even though the outside may not be up to par, the inside has a beauty all its own. Acne has given me more depth of character. But I think that's the only thing I will ever thank it for.
Delightfully, Me:)

[y3rfd0g]

This whole conversation/topic is interesting, yet incredibly sad to me.

I totally understand why someone would not want to pass down their "bad" genes- whether it be severe acne or a heart defect. To say that you won't have children because you basically don't want them to suffer what you have suffered, is just plain foolish. People cry and obviously are depressed for many other reasons besides having a deformed face or acne. Even the most beautiful super model suffers at one point (or maybe her entire life). There is suffering and pain in life, no matter what the cause.

I started to get acne around 10 years old. In gradeschool, jr high, and high school my acne didn't bother me much. Granted, if it was severe, it MAY have, but I didn't pay much attention to it. My mom was the one who put the pressure on me to have clear skin. It was MY OWN mother who could have been the culprit to being depressed over my skin. But the moderate acne I had didn't really affect me. I didn't have severe depression over it. Now, that's not to say in recent times I haven't had a break down because my skin was unbearable, because I have definitely suffered the physical, emotion pain and embarrassment of having acne- from light to severe. I realized, after 10 years of "suffering" with acne, that my acne- from severe to light- has been due to food allergies. Even if you have no "acne gene" but if your child is born with Celiac disease, they will most likely experience skin problems if they go undiagnosed.

What I'm saying is that there is no guarantee that your child will be affected the same way from acne as you or others have been. How foolish it is to think that we could ever predict the future, or predict the quality of life for our future children. Besides, what are you going to do when you adopt a child? Demand to know that child's genetic code? What if that child, though it wasn't expected, develops acne in their life? It's just plain stupid to think we can predict the future. Things can be likely to happen, but we honestly won't know for sure. There is a family I know, where the father has cerebral palsy, and all his 3 children have it. His sons also have/had severe acne. Talk about a double wammy! But I can tell you that they've made an impact in my life, and they are all very talented and gifted. Though I would not want to walk in their shoes, I can't judge them of their quality of life just because what they physically, mentally, emotionally, go through. It's their life, and they can let the cultural pressures destroy them, or they can CHOOSE to be happy and content (despite their condition.)

If one values life based upon genetics, then they are entering a dangerous ground. Look at the result of the millions of Jews, families, and the physically/mentally sick people that were murdered because someone thought that they weren't fit to live. Some people believed that those mentally handicapped human beings weren't worthy of producing offspring and the risk couldn't be taken that their "bad genes" would be passed on. So, what if a whole society decided or outlawed people with acne not to procreate....then it would cease to exist. I'm just saying that societies have tried to control genes, and it lead to destruction.

jjn, on 14 September 2011 - 08:55 PM, said:

QUOTE (Renegade Angel @ Sep 11 2011, 08:48 PM)

QUOTE (jjn @ Sep 3 2011, 05:19 AM)
I don't think it is right to have children if your family has a history of severe acne. If you really want to have kids, there are many children out there abandoned by their biological parents who are looking for a loving home. Adopt!

Are you people serious? Don't have kids because of acne? How illogical is that...that's like telling people with cancer, diabetes, or some other disease not to reproduce. Just get them treatment if they have acne, and keep it moving. I'm really shocked by the ludicrous responses in this thread...


Yea just get them treatment and they'll be alright If it was that simple, there wouldn't be a www.acne.org forum.

I suffered from severe cystic acne for almost two decades. I tried treatment after treatment with no success. I would never want to put my child through what I had to go through. If you would be willling to put a child through it just to satisfy some biological urge to procreate, then you are being very selfish and not putting the well-being of this child first and foremost.

If you have severe acne and you want to have kids, you can always adopt. That is an option I will seriously consider.

I wouldn't not say that if someone believes that children will enrich their life it would be considered selfish. It is true, that no matter what one's child is born with, no matter what the circumstances (due to rape, poverty, etc.) that children DO enrich a mother or fathers life. What IS selfish is that people choose NOT to have children because they want to live their own lives, and not care for someone else.

[jjn]

Quote

I wouldn't not say that if someone believes that children will enrich their life it would be considered selfish. It is true, that no matter what one's child is born with, no matter what the circumstances (due to rape, poverty, etc.) that children DO enrich a mother or fathers life. What IS selfish is that people choose NOT to have children because they want to live their own lives, and not care for someone else.

I added more thoughts on a post made on Posted 22 September 2011 - 06:04 AM Please see that as well.