69 replies to this topic

[cloudscloudsclouds]

Hello all of you out there behind my computer screen,
as I am greeting you I find the box of (ro)accutane on my table to be very distractive. In a pleasant way.Is this real? I keep asking myself as I constantly gaze at it. What a great distraction!I feel like a kid in a candy store. I have been literally walking around it for years, but never dared to reach out for what is mine.I haven't started my Accutane yet, but I already feel better about myself. I feel better for making this decision. Finally!I am going to have my blood checked on Monday and, hopefully, I will swallow my first pill next week.

My journey to a clear(er) skin is supposed to be as follows:
1 month - 10 mg.
2 month - 20 mg.
3 month - 10 mg.
4 month - 10 mg. 3 times per week
5 month - 10 mg. 2 times per week

Am I afraid? Throw a stone at me, you, who at least haven't thought twice! However, I do not feel fear controlling me no longer. I didn't let the fear to influence my decision. I already went through that stage of experiencing side effects just by reading about them for hours. My fear has now turned into something different. I would call it awareness. I am aware of the risk that I am taking, but I do not obsess any more.

As for my routine, while on Accutane, I got few suggestions from my dermatologist, but I still have a few days left to find some good products.It's too early to tell, but since I am off my course my dermatologist is going to prescribe me some topicals in order to maintain the achieved results. Honestly, I do not mind it. I bet it feel great taking care of your skin, when it's more or less clear!

I would appreciate suggestions and advices from all of you regarding products, routine, etc. Please, share your knowledge and experience with me if you think it might be useful in my case. By the way, my dermatologist told me it would be great if I could make a peeling once a week. However, I have no idea about them, I didn't use any of them never and I suppose I should search for a really soft core one, while on Accutane? I will be also using a cleanser, moisturiser and, of course, something for my lips, but my derm. said that I should include mattifying cream for the day time and night cream for night, but she didn't mention certain brands, so, I am a little lost. Fortunately, I already bought a cleanser and a moisturiser!

And...as my blood test is approaching I am not sure how should I prepare for it? I guess I shouldn't eat on that certain day, when I will be doing it. Am I right, or there are more things to be considered?

Thank you very much! (and big apologise for such a chaotic post to begin with!!!!eww)
Honestly, all of you have been an inspiration for me to start(hopefully!!!) my own Accutane journey, I can swear I have probably read every single log on these boards.

Edited by cloudscloudsclouds, 27 August 2011 - 05:53 AM.

[PaulH85]

Good luck!

[cloudscloudsclouds]

.

Edited by cloudscloudsclouds, 01 August 2011 - 05:44 AM.

[cloudscloudsclouds]

Good luck!

Thank you, Paul aka rock star!

Edited by cloudscloudsclouds, 01 August 2011 - 05:45 AM.

[cloudscloudsclouds]

hopefully T O M O R R O W

I did a blood test today, I will know the results tomorrow. If everything will be all right I will swallow my first pill then. Maybe it's stupid, but I started to panic, what if my blood test won't be good. I wouldn't be able to go on Roaccutane and my face looks really horrible today, I am desperately in need to heal it. bla bla

Sorry for such a negative post, I want to believe I can be cured, but all these months in front of me seems like such a long long long time, especially, when I think about how much nasty stuff I am carrying under my skin.

ah. I need to occupy myself with something else.

I am planning a camping trip by the end of August, but I have no idea what to expect from my acne, so, I am totally confused whether to go or not to go.

Edited by cloudscloudsclouds, 01 August 2011 - 05:43 AM.

[cloudscloudsclouds]

OFFICIALLY STARTING!

Tests were okay.
First 10 mg of Isotretinoin are already inside of me. Wow. Such a long way to go.

Edited by cloudscloudsclouds, 03 August 2011 - 06:09 AM.

[cloudscloudsclouds]

[

Edited by cloudscloudsclouds, 27 January 2012 - 08:10 AM.

[cloudscloudsclouds]

I will regret posting this, but it would probably be worse if I keep everything inside of myself, so I'm letting this log to serve as a diary. Little confession of a totally lost and confused girl, who wants to believe in a possibility to have a clear(er) skin. I do not dream of a baby skin, I am aware of the fact that it's impossible with all those marks that I have. I only want a skin of an average person. However, I am worried.. I just started, but I'm already drowning in an ocean of doubts. It's not the side effects, it's not the IB. I don't think I will feel them any time soon. I am just worried about my dose. I'm trying my best to believe that this way will be right for me, I'm trying my best to trust my dermatologist, but I'm so afraid of failing once again, I'm afraid of this treatment becoming 5 months waste of time. I have been thinking about it for so long, I was literally preparing myself emotionally to start this drug for 2 or even 3 years. I can't even imagine that my dermatologist is just playing around with me by giving me such a low dose. It may be truth, but I refuse to believe it. I must truth her, she is a professional, but I find it so hard to have hope after reading all the stories online..I couldn't find a story similar to mine with a successful ending. I feel sick and disappointed. Hell. I want to cry. Firstly, because I couldn't find enough evidence to keep my hope for the success of a low dose treatment, secondly, because I am thinking about giving up since I just barely started. I am not seeking for attention, I know people have way worse things to worry about, but I would appreciate some support. It sounds ridiculous. Where is the real me? Where is the girl, who always believe that everything will be all right? Where is she? The one who always tries to focus on the bright things that future holds. I do hope that my little brain will clear up from this kind of miserable thoughts quickly. Second guessing myself and my treatment should be a taboo. I shouldn't let my way of thinking turn into an enemy towards my treatment. Harmony and hope is needed for a successful journey. Even if it fails. It won't be equal to the failure of my personality, even to the failure of my beauty. Yes, acne beauty. No make up, no hiding myself, only keeping my head hight, which I'm working on everyday. Sometimes, when I feel down about the way my face looks I think about Janis Joplin. She had acne, but it will never ever be the first thing that people remember about her. Acne will never be a thing to prevent her from being an influential person in many clear skinned people lives. It's funny, how we, acne sufferers, tend to separate ourselves from the people who have clear skin. Isn't it? I have no idea what it feels like to have a clear skin, but I suppose the ones who have it do not pay attention to that this much at all. Isn't it vain to think that clear skin can bring happiness? So many beautiful, clear skinned people are unhappy, sitting at home, judging themselves in front of their mirrors or blaming their own personality traits for being unhappy. However, I do believe that I could be happier if I had a clear skin. Is it vain? Or is it the society in which acne is some kind of taboo? The disease, who eats people lives, takes away their opportunities, relationships, but is not perceived seriously enough by the public. On the other hand, it could never be perceived decent enough, because none of those people who tells you that it's not a big deal knows what it actually feels like. I'm pretty much comfortable(only because I forced myself to feel so) recently, I go out without make up, because I'm tired of feeling guilty and fake, when wearing it. I didn't notice people perceiving me any differently, while finally seeing my true face. Anyway, I know what bullying is as well. That's why I am here for myself. Because no one else will be. Because no one else will kick my ass and encourage me to do my best in my life disregarding how ugly I might be feeling. No one else will smile at me from the mirror in the early morning! No one else will understand that I'm crying with a reason and no one else will know so well that those reasons are just temporary and I need to let them out in those sour sour liquid drops of tears..in order to make my eyes bright for a new day, for noticing all those little miracles that each day brings and be thankful to this, just to realise that the darkest hour is truly before a dawn.

Edited by cloudscloudsclouds, 03 August 2011 - 04:46 PM.

[Jamie Ann]

I would definitely trust your dermatologist. She/he knows what's best for your skin. You will have clear skin too....believe!!!! Good luck on your course sweetie and stay strong.

[cloudscloudsclouds]

I would definitely trust your dermatologist. She/he knows what's best for your skin. You will have clear skin too....believe!!!! Good luck on your course sweetie and stay strong.

Hey, Jamie Ann, you cannot imagine how I needed your words at that moment. Thank you so much. I'm doing my best to believe, I have been reading your log - you will be clear for sure, and me..I don't know. I hope very much. If not..I will find another dermatologist and go for another round, probably, but it's too early yet! I need to stop panicking like that! Everything will be good, hopefully.

[PaulH85]

The best thing to do is give it a try. These things aren't set in stone so maybe in a couple of months if you don't feel like it's making much of a difference one way or the other, you could go back to your dermatologist and talk about where you think things should be in terms of progress or about increasing the dosage and so on. Ultimately, they're there to help but it is trial and error for them as well to a degree because everyone is different and everyone's skin is different.

I have seen logs where people start around the same dosage but appear to increase it higher than your dermatologist has suggested, but maybe they need that increased dosage. I don’t really know how these things work, but perhaps your dermatologist has looked at your skin and thought, 'There's something here to take care of, in terms of its persistence, but it's not so bad that we really have to go to the extreme in treating it'. It could be a good thing as far as side effects and the initial breakout are concerned because perhaps they won't be so bad compared to a higher dosage. For all we know at this point, you may well end up experiencing the best of both worlds in terms of minimal side effects and breakouts, but also good end results. Will certainly hope that it goes that way for you anyway.

If nothing else right now, you're taking steps towards gaining control of the situation with the intention of getting skin you'll be happy with. It might not go to plan right away because these things take time and patience, but there's only one way to find out. The steps you are taking are positive so focus on that, take care of yourself and your skin and try not to worry about it.

[Jamie Ann]

I would definitely trust your dermatologist. She/he knows what's best for your skin. You will have clear skin too....believe!!!! Good luck on your course sweetie and stay strong.

Hey, Jamie Ann, you cannot imagine how I needed your words at that moment. Thank you so much. I'm doing my best to believe, I have been reading your log - you will be clear for sure, and me..I don't know. I hope very much. If not..I will find another dermatologist and go for another round, probably, but it's too early yet! I need to stop panicking like that! Everything will be good, hopefully.

I am happy to give you the right words at the right time! Don't give up hope. I'm here whenever you need me. <3

[Lipslikesugar22]

I second that ;-) Whatever ya need girl! It's here!

[cloudscloudsclouds]

The best thing to do is give it a try. These things aren't set in stone so maybe in a couple of months if you don't feel like it's making much of a difference one way or the other, you could go back to your dermatologist and talk about where you think things should be in terms of progress or about increasing the dosage and so on. Ultimately, they're there to help but it is trial and error for them as well to a degree because everyone is different and everyone's skin is different.

I have seen logs where people start around the same dosage but appear to increase it higher than your dermatologist has suggested, but maybe they need that increased dosage. I don’t really know how these things work, but perhaps your dermatologist has looked at your skin and thought, 'There's something here to take care of, in terms of its persistence, but it's not so bad that we really have to go to the extreme in treating it'. It could be a good thing as far as side effects and the initial breakout are concerned because perhaps they won't be so bad compared to a higher dosage. For all we know at this point, you may well end up experiencing the best of both worlds in terms of minimal side effects and breakouts, but also good end results. Will certainly hope that it goes that way for you anyway.

If nothing else right now, you're taking steps towards gaining control of the situation with the intention of getting skin you'll be happy with. It might not go to plan right away because these things take time and patience, but there's only one way to find out. The steps you are taking are positive so focus on that, take care of yourself and your skin and try not to worry about it.

Thank you, Paul. Truly, words of wisdom. Honestly, I don't know what to add, I was thinking about it for a few days and I can only say that you are right. Thank you!

I am happy to give you the right words at the right time! Don't give up hope. I'm here whenever you need me. <3

Thank you girl!!!!! It means a lot for me!

I second that ;-) Whatever ya need girl! It's here!

:3 I hope everyone will be successful!

[cloudscloudsclouds]

1 WEEK

Only 7 days.

Of course, there is nothing to report. No side effects. No nothing. No difference in my skin (maybe except reduced overall redness of my face, which, unfortunately, makes my red marks stand out more). However, this week has been very important in terms of my emotional well being. It was both weird and wonderful. Even if I can't feel the drug working yet and chances are I won't feel it for a long time, many little processes were happening inside of me. Except some little crazy moments when I was worrying whether it will work for me these days were truly filled with positive energy. I obsess about my face a lot less than before and my mood is much better, because I believe that acne will be soon gone. Anyway, I do need to constantly remind myself about this, because it's too easy to get lost in all of the doubts and pessimistic thoughts.

Life is beautiful. With or without acne. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xGAxAx9j-Q (makes me feel good)
So many chances, so many opportunities, so many things to be happy and to worry about except my skin.

This is not very relevant to the topic of this log, but some important things happened in my personal life during the last days. As I am writing this "during the last days"..no! It didn't happen in a few days, it was happening for such a long time until it finally finished slowly killing itself. It's too long story to tell here and I doubt if someone is interested, but..I realised once again how important it is to choose the perspective that you are approaching things from. Either negative or positive. Either worrying about yourself and feeling miserable or accepting whatever happens to you as a challenge and an opportunity to improve your life, to become a better person. I can't lie to myself - my heart hurts as an open wound, but it also encourages me to do not give up on life, to meet all the bright things that future holds. Funny and at the same time amazing thing would be if the disappearance of acne would be one of those big changes in me. I hope.

One more little and more down to Earth thing - I need to work on my routine. I need to find some great products, because I don't think that the ones I am using now are actually the best for me. I must admit I am guilty for not wearing sunscreen. Ah! I am also wondering if I must moisturise when there is no need for that? Hm. Hm. Hm.

Edited by cloudscloudsclouds, 08 August 2011 - 06:21 AM.

[Timehealsall]

will follow your course as i will be taking a low dose of tane as well.

did you have an IB yet?

[Timehealsall]

will follow your course as i will be taking a low dose of tane as well.

did you have an IB yet?

[cloudscloudsclouds]

will follow your course as i will be taking a low dose of tane as well.

did you have an IB yet?

Hello, is your situation similar to mine? When are you starting? What dose?
You should create a log, it would be very interesting to compare our journeys.

I don't think I had an IB. Although it's just my 10 DAY
things are going well. Random whiteheads tend to appear in unusual places, where I never get them, everyday, but they fade away quickly. My face is a lot less red and irritated, so, I am happy.

[cloudscloudsclouds]

But......honestly,
I have no idea what is happening with me today.
First, I slept like 15 hours. And I am feeling horrible. I have never felt this way before, it's like I got cold or flu, but somehow different. I hope it's not the drug causing it, I really doubt it could do that only after 10 pills and on such a low dose. Anyway, I am feeling very bad and weird. I find it difficult to walk, because my vision appears to be blurry, my hands are shaking and my body is like burning. What should I do? I hope it will pass as soon as possible

[PaulH85]

Hope you're feeling better soon!

If the symptoms don't improve, I'd suggest contacting your dermatologist to check if these could be Accutane related. Maybe anybody else reading who has taken Accutane and has knowledge of possible side effects might be able to shed more light on it. Fingers crossed it's just a bug though, and that it passes real soon!