1 reply to this topic

[bex14]

I really need some support/advice and i hope someone can relate to what i am saying. For the past five years i have become completly obsessed with my skin and was diagnosed last year with acne dysmorphia. I have never had really badskin but when i do have abreak out it is always cystic acne and it is this that i can't cope with. When i am really bad i have anxiety attacks, feel like i cant cope, my speech is fast, I don't go out in public, check in the mirror sometimes 100 times a day, pace up and down, tell myself i am ugly and disgusting, check the internet over and over again for information on cystic acne - this always makes me worse, if i have to go out in public i cover my face with my hands or my hair. I avoid eye contact, i believe that everyone is looking at me and talking about me, i have a real problem with the large bump that i get from cystic acne so often gouge at my face which always makes me worse and makes my skin a mess and then it scars, it gets so bad sometimes that i feel suicidal. There is lots of other obsessional behavior too but too much to write down now.

Nobody except my husband (who doesn't understand) knows that i am suffering with this so i have to try and keep this to myself and suffer in silence, it is such a hard and embarrassing thing to explain. My skin totally controls my life, even when my skin is ok i am constantly checking my skin waiting for the next lump to come. I am currently having counselling for low self esteem then will begin CBT so i am hopeful that it makes a difference although i dont understand how i could ever not be obsessed with my skin, it has been this way for so long. I am terrified i am going to pass this obsession on to my daughter as she sees me behave this was.

So my situation today is that i have had a decent few months which sometimes makes me think i might be better but then the inevitable happens - a growth on the side of my nose. The first night i felt it coming i had anxiety attacks all night long then i had three days where i tried to act normal, work has been unbearable. Today all the obsessions have come back, i have been in the mirror over again, have stopped eating, i am pacing, i am snapping at my kids and i am trying to think of ways to get out of work, my husband is away so i dont have to face him (i cant even look my husband or children in the eye), i am telling myself i am disgusting. I havent squeezed it ( i have never let a spot run its course) and i keep telling myself that it will go away on its own but i dont really believe it will. All the feelings are back and i don't know what to do. I just want to live a normal life.

I really hope i can find someone who can relate to this as i need to believe i am not going mad. Please help!!

[BMA]

Please lighten up on yourself. Even though you feel self conscious, it could be so much worse. Stop looking in the mirror 100 times a day to reinforce your perceptions of yourself. It sounds like you need professional help to help you cope, because you said you feel suicidal. Please contact your Dr and discuss your feelings if he / she can't help find another. All hope is not lost and you will be surprised how fast things can change for you once you find the right help. Be easy on yourself, there are many people out here with the same problems and most get better. Yours will to. It sounds like you are really beating yourself up un necessarily. Please talk to your Dr for medical opinion and medication and your Minister for spiritual guidance. Visit a burn center and learn what disfigurement really is. I use all natural *Moderator edit, URL removed - read the board rules. *google it as it has helped me although I am mild to moderate acne and now clear. Hang in there.