33 replies to this topic

[Denise2]

I believe that the absolute saddest thing of all about the ignorent comments is that most of these people miss the saddest thing about those of us with acne....and it's this: Most of us have literally tried every kind of treatment available to no avail, and by the time we find out what does work, we are scarred....

What I REALLY think is that they think we are lazy and don't care of our skin. That's what I really think. I think that since they have never had acne, or bad acne anyway, then they just don't "get" why those of us who have broken out pretty bad aren't cleared up.

I think that those ignorent comments come from people who just have no clue about the amount of time, effort, and focus we have put on our skin. The number of medical treatments given to us by dermatologists, estheticians, etc....is unbelievable. We try and try and try and try and try to find a skin regimen that WORKS, to no avail. Meanwhile, people stare at us and try to figure out why we are breaking out......kinda like.....if we KNEW, we wouldn't be BREAKING OUT, WOULD WE?!!!??? #-o #-o #-o

[Maya]

What gave me the BIGGEST confidence was when I said 'enough is enough'. I'd had enough of hiding and pretending that my acne and scars didn't matter.

When I started opening up to friends and family about how I felt, it was such an enormous relief. Then this relief and confidence grew and I started being able to talk to anyone about acne and scars.

The thing is, people are ignorant if they don't understand, but I find that 99% of people are ultimately compassionate deep down and that when you explain to them, they understand. Pain and isolation are universal emotions. Everyone has experienced some pain in their life ... just reach out to others and they give you so much in return.

If we can't open up, then how can the world be educated in our plight? Every time I speak to someone about the effects of acne and scars, I know I have opened their eyes.

Remember when AIDs was first announced? How so many people were horrified and shocked and feared anyone who may have AIDS? Look at the amazing people who have changed the world view. If some of you can open up a little and share what you are going through, I think you may be pleasantly surprised at how people respond.

I have received nothing but kindness in return for my speaking up and sharing.

I know most of you are fearful about bringing attention to your scars/skin problems ... but really, most people have open hearts if you care to open yours. By not speaking out, we are just feeding their ignorance.

(((((((Big Hugs)))))))))

And this board really helped me get out and about and put the message across to many non acne/scar sufferers.

[Rupert]

[/quote]I've been the recipient of some very nasty comments

oursfan, its easy for us to remember the bad comments. On this forum we look at people's photos to examine their scars. When I saw your photos my thought process was

1. she has significant scarring
2. shes quite foxy

Just because someone doesn't come out and say it, doesn't make it not so. And I'm not saying this to be nice.

[Rupert]

aah crap, I messed up that post but I'm sure you get the drift of what I was saying.

[ScarStruck]

I can see both sides here. On the one hand, give up the fight and allow yourself to be happy by accepting who you are. On the other, if there are treatments out there that could work, then why not keep trying, because there might be something that really does work, and could further promote one's happiness.

Here's my problem with this - thinking that improving minor or minimal scarring will further promote happiness.

I have moderate scarring, its not disfiguring in the sense that people dont gasp and say (or think) "you poor thing, what happened to you". But it is also the most noticable thing on my face (especially since I am most undistiguished looking 8-[ ). My goal for this whole scar correction business it to improve my skin to the extent that it isnt the first thing about my face that people notice. If someone is asked to describe my face, they should say "crooked nose" or "weak chin" before they get to the scarring

I have seen a bunch of picture on this site or read descriptions that are very minor scarring, not visible a couple of feet away, or visible only at certain angles. Everyone is entitled to their own goals for their appearance, but I hope if I reach that stage I will be able to make peace with myself and not obsess over it.

I dont see it as giving up the fight. More like realizing the fight just isnt worth it.

[Denise2]

Good post Maya....I agree with you wholeheartedly. I'm not embarassed to talk about my scars or having them worked on to my friends and family. As a result, it's just not that big a deal. It really does help you accept yourself when you open up to others and allow them to hear your pain.

[mimi2468]

Hi Rupert,

You recently posted the following:

[quote="Rupert"]hey maya,

its funny you should talk about photos but thats exactly what I've been doing today. Luckily I've got access to decent digital camera so I can get very clear photos of my scars. So about to post, probably not tomorrow as its Easter Sunday but hopefully do it Monday.....



Rupert, I am about to buy my first digital camera and want to get one that will allow me to get the best photos of my face and clearly show the scars to document my progress.

Can you please tell me the brand and model digital camera you use to get clear photos of your face?

Many Thanks!!

Mimi


PS: if anyone else has a digital camera they would recommend for taking good, clear closeup face shots (as well as being a good allaround camera) I would appreciate your suggestions.

[OursFan]

SV: Thanks so much for taking the time to express how you feel. I agree that the filtering can be a double-edged sword. The few friends I have, I hold dear and trust completely. However, they are very, very few and I feel that's the main drawback. When you close yourself up, some people don't have the courage to knock the walls down.

I have a couple of acquaintances at work. I don't hang out with them, but I feel they are good people. I decided to open up to them and express how I felt about my scars, and also some of my treatments. They were patient and listened to me. They are both very supportive of me emotionally, and I feel they have more of an understanding than many people have of me. I need to feel that for every one cruel person out there, there are many more who are just ignorant but who will be accepting once they can comprehend the situation.

Denise: I have often thought the same thing about other people who haven't suffered from acne and scarring - they think we just don't take care of ourselves. Little do they realize that we simply cannot help it, that it is not a simple process for us to receive treatment. If only they knew how hard we try to keep our skin looking its best.

Maya: Absolutely agree with you that hiding is not a resolution and that it's quite freeing to let go and just be open about our situation. I truly hope that you are right about that 99%. No doubt you have more faith than I do about that one.

Rupert: I got your message. Not sure I agree with the foxy part, but thanks.

ScarStruck: Not sure that improving scarring will promote happiness, but I do feel that in my case it would help out with my self esteem. But for me, my scarring is quite noticeable and disfiguring. It would be a whole lot easier for me to be regarded as "normal" in terms of my face. There was a time in my life that I considered modeling, but of course as the acne hung around and created crevices, that dream went poof rather quickly. I'm not saying that I still want to be a model, but it would have been nice for that to have been an option if I had wanted it.

One thing is for sure - I feel no shame about my scarring as I know that it's not my fault.

Thanks so much to all of you for your words on this subject. This board has been a large part of my emotional healing.

[Ian]

Ok just wanna jump inhere, where are these photo's?

I wanna take a look too. And oursfan you have to be able to accept when people say your foxy.. your foxy.. I mean I havent seen your photo's but I know that I have known girls with acne and/or scarring and their were quit foxy, as in she isnt ugly.. And look am a person with no acne (at least i have been clear for a year now) and no scarring.

I really do understand why its hard to accept a complement really i do. But remeber the old phrase "you are your own worst critic"

[everythingBUTnothing]

Its really nice to hear so many views on my post. I feel now the post is taking a new direction in which people are talking about how inconsiderate and rude people can be towards acne scar suffers. Trust me I have had the worst things said to me , for example "what are those holes on my face", 'look at yourself and remember you should not hope to find a beautiful partner" etc etc, and these comments have come from the closest friends. Friends who really care for me but dont know how i feel about my scars. I know many of you will say that these people arent my friends, but I would just like to say these people are my friends but are just ignorant like many people.

Anyways what i really wanted to get across to everyone was that the scars have changed our lives, all of us are trying to make our lives better by finding cures for our scars which is completely the right thing to do. But all i wished that we could do is also live our lives at the same time and not just live in some expectation that one day we will be happy, because i feel that this has really ruined each day of my last six years. The life we have is now and today, no-ones seen tomorrow.

I am finding it really difficult to accept myself for who i am and at the same time constantly try to improve myself( for rupert- of course i would be looking into treatments like TCA which could improve my scars). All i wanted to do was to give hope to the poeple who read the posts that they should start living their lives together with trying to improve themselves, because i feel if we all really try together maybe everyone like us can have a lesser of a depressive and meaningless life.

Yes we have a problem and we are dealing with it in whichever way we can, but lets not just wait and hope for that beautiful day when we can look at our faces and have a smile, instead try and be happy and positive everyday which can only be acheived if we accept ourselves for what we are now.

[wishtobefree]

I have had acne since I was 12 and am now 29.I found out last year I have Poly-cystic ovarian syndrome.It causes acne , infertility, and a lot of other problems.I would say that my acne is somewhat under control.But I have alot of scarring.Some indents but a ton of icepick scars.I have had several chemical peels and a my first dermabrasion last month.I understand the depression and wanting to hide.It is a shame though not to live this life that we are given.I think when we get old we will say we regret how much time, money and energy we have wasted.We stayed in a bondage to these things for so long.How many oppurtunities did we pass up???I can say all these things but still I am continually on this quest to improve my skin.I don't exactly know what this "TCA cross" is.Maybe I have had it and didn't know it.Can someone explain????

[Maya]

Anyways what i really wanted to get across to everyone was that the scars have changed our lives, all of us are trying to make our lives better by finding cures for our scars which is completely the right thing to do. But all i wished that we could do is also live our lives at the same time and not just live in some expectation that one day we will be happy, because i feel that this has really ruined each day of my last six years. The life we have is now and today, no-ones seen tomorrow. 

I am finding it really difficult to accept myself for who i am and at the same time constantly try to improve myself( for rupert- of course i would be looking into treatments like TCA which could improve my scars). All i wanted to do was to give hope to the poeple who read the posts that they should start living their lives together with trying to improve themselves, because i feel if we all really try together maybe everyone like us can have a lesser of a depressive and meaningless life. 

Yes we have a problem and we are dealing with it in whichever way we can, but lets not just wait and hope for that beautiful day when we can look at our faces and have a smile, instead try and be happy and positive everyday which can only be acheived if we accept ourselves for what we are now.

I totally agree. It's so important that we live our lives and at the same time do the best to heal our scarring. I would say that living a happy life is far more important than working on our scars. I actually know of many unhappy people with NO scars, and I would not trade places with them.

And it's so not true what your friends said. I met my b/f when my scars were at their worst. He has perfect skin and is gorgeous. Not everyone judges by looks. And I met him shortly after I decided to be totally open with people about my scarring. And opening up helped me to accept myself as I suddenly realised people accepted me, whatever I looked like.

everythingBUTnothing - I wish you love and happiness. I truly hope you find that acceptance in yourself so you can radiate it out to be able to attract that in a partner.

[Maya]

I don't exactly know what this \"TCA cross\" is.Maybe I have had it and didn't know it.Can someone explain????

http://acne.org/messageboard/viewtopic.php?t=5610
It's for ice picks and deeper scars.

BTW wishtobefree, liver flushes can definately help with PCOS. Do a search for posts by shiny, who after many liver flushes, is free of PCOS symptoms. There's a long thread here: http://acne.org/messageboard/viewtopic.php...7cea943a422daf3

[Ian]

Ok liver flushes sound:

A: over the top
B: painfull
C: expensive

Does it really help u with scars and acne.. i mean is it really wort all the above? Look am not badmouthing it I am just skeptical