27 replies to this topic

[wicket]

I think appearance is important in your partner. My boyfriend is really nice and reassuring to me I am amazed how he apparently so un-phased but I can’t help feeling ashamed of my skin. Regardless, I would expect him to get very frustrated if I didn’t care about my skin at all, he knows I try, you should want to look nice for your other half.

I think she must have other things on her mind. Perhaps she doesn’t realise that it could cause scarring and thinks she just has to hold out till the end of her course. She needs to realise that she can still spare some time each evening for a skin care regimen.

If she is touching her face and leaning on it and things then if could cause acne in the areas you mention but, as others have mentioned, this is very symptomatic of women’s hormonal acne. It could be OCD, I do absentmindedly touch my face, I am going to try that suggestion with elastic band.

The whole thing about this is the acne sufferers will power though, if you don’t care then you won’t get anywhere. I think it will be hard to get your girlfriend to follow a regimen unless she really wants the improvement herself. I would explain about the scarring, maybe say how you had it when younger but were lucky that you were able to treat it so you didn’t scar. You could tell her you met someone who did have scarring from this problem and you are worried about her, you kind of have met some people on this board anyway!

I think the next thing to do is to make it easy for her, go out and buy the essentials – a good cleanser for sensitive skin, a benzoyl peroxide cream (with about 2.5%BP) and a moisturizer. BP is always a good first option if she has never tried it before. It’s hard work for her but you need to help her motivate some how. Once she gets into a rhythm every morning and evening perhaps she can get OCD with that!

Get the products and have the chat about scarring for starters, maybe help her to apply it as this site describes. Maybe join her in the bathroom and talk to her so she doesn’t get fed up half way.

[Siouxsie]

I scanned this thread & didnt notice too many people addressing the picking issue.
Please read this site & even get your wife to read it: www.StopPickingOnme.com
The kind of picking you describe your wife doing, to the point where she will do it in front of people, goes beyond her skin. A big part of it can be stress relief, among other things. I really encourage you to read that site; it offers some really good info on why people pick & tips on how to stop. Just knowing why I pick & the damage it does was enough for me to get determined to stop and I now I have overcome the habit completely.

[wicket]

I scanned this thread & didnt notice too many people addressing the picking issue.
Please read this site & even get your wife to read it: www.StopPickingOnme.com

Thanks for this link, I actually bite my lip and this is more of a problem so I think I need to read it, sometimes I don't do this at all but sometimes I go through a week of doing it all the time, I really think I must have some mild OCD thing going on.
I hope this helps me because it is embarrasing, people probably think I am on drugs or something.

[Gazbo]

Sounds like the acne is affecting you more than it is her. I'm not expert on relationships, having only had 2 in my entire life, (I am only 21 you see), but it seems to me if you really care about her, then acne shouldn't worry you that much, and if she doesn't want to listen to you and fix it, perhaps you're better of just trying to ignore it, because that's what it seems like she's doing.

Also, you mentioned she's back at school. I know some people break out from the "stress" of school work. It never seemed to bother me, but perhaps that is what is causing it? If that's the case, you should feel comfortable knowing that her school will end eventually, and it should return to normal.

As a matter of interest and curiosity, what sort of degree acne are we talking about? Is it possible to provide some sort of photo of the severity? Not that I'm trying to ogle your wife, but people's definition on acne differs considerably. What is moderate to one person, might be conceived as being mild by another.

[wicket]

It should bother her more than it does you but to say you shouldn't be bothered at all is not right, acne isn't nice and if the other person really isn't bothered I would be frustrated. The question is why doesn't she care?

Gazbo, you may be right that school will end and it should return to normal then but maybe not. I just finished an MSc. During that time my skin got worse but now I finished it hasn't got any better! I am left with red marks and the acne is still going on. The difference with me is that, during my course, I was still looking for solutions but I consoled myself by saying, it is nearly over now, here is the final push and you will be finished with your course and your skin will improve but also you can really put your mind to fixing it.
The trouble is is that now I am worried that these red marks may stick around for a really long time, I could have caused scarring! I, however, have got those nasty cystic ones, not so bad as some people at all but they are the more stubborn ones and I think it is important to know if you want advice,
Gazbo's question about what kind of spots your gf has is all important here really, if you could just describe them?

The other thing I would say is, you know that you love your gf and think she is gorgeous but do you tell her this, I mean spontaneously, unprompted? If you don't then you are only human and sometimes we forget and get into habits of not mentioning these things that are taken for granted. Remember to say it, it might actually help her to make her think she can be beautifull and it would make her think about it.

[acne_battle]

the distribution of it seems to congregate in areas where she touches her face such as her chin, neck, and the sides of her face

This is the classic distribution of female acne that is related to the hormonal swings of the menstrual cycle. It usually responds well to birth control pills, although it can take some trial and error to find the right pill for an individual.

Does she have any issues with menstruation? Specifically, is she regular or no? Does she have any "male pattern" hair growth that she has to take care of? Has there been any weight gain in the midsection rather than on the hips? Any indications of insulin resistance?

I have a good method to stop picking if she wants to. Wear a rubberband on the wrist and snap it everytime you find yourself picking and tell yourself "NO!" like you are a bad puppy, out loud if possible. It works really well and after a few weeks you won't need the band anymore and can just do the mental NO. Works well for all sorts of compulsive habits that have no physiological component (i.e. doesn't work for skoing because of nicotine addiction).

OMG I love that rubber band idea beentheredonethat! I should totally do that to quit my nail biting habit. Its a rather disgusting habit but I guess I do it because I am very anxiety ridden

[JBHK]

I picked too, and really wasn't unable to stop it until I got rid of my acne. Its hard walking around with uncomfortable lesions on your face and my way of dealing with it was to touch them all the time. My mother kept telling me to stop touching my face and frankly it didn't help at all. It just made me angry and upset. Therefore I don't think that you mentioning it to her will help either. You may have the best intentions, but as others have described, your comments may not be coming across as you would like and may be adding to the issues you guys are having.

I really don't know what you can do to fix this problem for her. Dealing with acne takes time and commitment because there is no one treatment that works for everyone. If she isn't willing to put in that time and commitment because she is focussed on other things or simply isn't concerned about it then I am not sure there is much you can do. You could try pointing her in the direction of this site for suggestions about how to deal with acne (just washing her face regularly and not picking is not going to be enough) ... but it might be an idea to get rid of this thread before you do! I wish both of you the best.

[pop politics]

Yeah picking is a hard habit to break hey.