18 replies to this topic

[zoe319]

Hey all--

New year, new log! I'm determined for 2007 to be the year that I finally
1. stop canceling plans because of my skin
2. stop being afraid of looking people in the eye in daylight
3. being afraid of my makeup running off, being afraid of sleeping over someone else's place
4. soaking those clean and clear things to the core ever 2 hours!
5. feeling UGLY, INFERIOR, and DOWN because of a couple of stupid zits!
6. spending hard-earned money on anything and everything guaranteed to make a difference no matter how crazy!
7. and ALL THAT CRAP THAT COMES FROM SUFFERING FROM ACNE! roar!

Okay basically my acne history can be pretty well summed up from this little anecdote:
When I was in 8th grade (2000?), Clean and Clear came out with their oil sheets, which are blue and turned clear once you soaked them up. I was reading my little 17 or YM magazine or whatever with a sample attached. At that time I has just gotten my first little cluster of like, clogged pores, and was freaking out about it. (HAHAH). I thought - whoa! How cool. It must be for people with oily skin like me. Then I wiped it across my entire face. Nothing happened. I totally did not "get" the product.

Fast forward....beginning of freshman year, high school. School gym changing room, disgusting lights. Someone offers me a sheet. I soak it to the core. Oh, I see. And by this time, my face was broken out across my cheeks, nose, and forehead. Pustules, very rarely cystic. Because i'm obsessive and vain, I spend the next 4 years trying everything, some of which have made my skin worse, some of which helped slightly. Point is, through the good and the bad, I've always had acne, ever since high school. Certain things "cleared" me but because I am Asian and have darker skin, the scars stay.


I'm a junior (!!!) in college now - zits when i'm legal to drink OH HELL NO! - , and I NEED IT TO STOP. My skin has been pretty consistent with their breakouts ever since I started college. No more breakouts on the oily t-zone area - now it's smoothly transitioned into adult acne along the side cheeks, jawlines, and ocassional surprise visitors on the forehead. My acne is moderate, but without makeup it looks absolutely horrific because of the scarring. Funny that my friends are jealous of my skin's tanning abilities (40 minutes in the sun and I am a tropical goddess) but I doubt they'd trade that for essentially pimples which last for like, 4 years by marking up my face.



Am currently taking the plunge after being scared shitless about starting accutane....esp. reading these boards will make you go so crazy from the more hardcore homeopath skin nazis (you know what i'm talking about!) i remember the first post i made here (prob under a diff screename or a guest) i was complaining about my skin in general and the stress of college - late nights and really hectic lifestyle and i basically got yelled at for drinking coffee. Umm...ok. But I've returned, and I think i'm going to stay in this section for a while before I slather on mite cream and dip my face in vinegar and run up a $200 bill on vitacost again


So. Here it is.

Meds:
Started generic accutane 3 days ago (12/30), 40 mg once daily (my derm starts everyone out on that then plays it by ear every checkup to either up it or down it). Price: $10 for a month's supply (yay insurance!) Originally my doctor wrote out Accutane on the prescription but I checked with my insurance company ahead of time to see how much it'd cost. Accutane would have cost me $75 while a generic (Amnesteen) was only $10. It can't be that much different, can it? Anyone have anything to say about that?

Stats:
5'4, 110 lbs. Asian-European - light skin that gets very dark in summer. Thick brown hair. Scars very, very easily. Very oily-sensitive skin.

Acne: Mostly around cheeks and jawline - clogged pores on forehead. Always 4-5 active pustules, around pms-time one or two big cystic ones at inopportune places like right in the middle of the cheek or the forehead. Lots of blackheads around the nose.

Makeup: Clinique clarifying makeup in 05 Smooth Vanilla (not so much about the fact that it clarifies but the fact that it's the only foundation I've found with great coverage that does not slide off in 2 hours!) on breakout/scarred areas. Physicians formula mineral powder over it. Nars blush in Torrid. Lipbalm - a mini jar of petroleum jelly (used it since I was a little kid - the best!) or Palmer's huge cocoa butter stick.

Topical: Right now skin has yet to dry or be annoying - so - no major changes. I find Cetaphil great but not for makeup removal - it's time consuming to wash my face like 3x with different products and I'm sure my skin doesn't like it too. So this is what works:

Johnson and Johnson Head to Toe Baby wash - there is a clear, yellowy formula and a more lotion-y one. I use the lotiony one. I've used this long before the accutane - I just love the way it smells and it does not clog pores and is ultra gentle and yet suds up just enough to clean. Plus as big of a girly girl as I am I'm a sucker for products that do EVERYTHING - and it does. You can even use it on your hair if you're just looking for a light cleaning. Cleans skin amazingly well, leaves it hydrated, and to boot it is only $7 for a huge bottle.


Right now I am using at night the Clean and Clear 10% BP wash, which has been the only cleanser in the past 6 years that have seemed to make a tiny bit of difference. And this is from someone who has literally tried every line out there (clinique, proactive, murad, shiseido, prescription washes like brevoxyl, etc) without drying too harshly.

Have big leftover tube of Clindamyacin 1% so I spot treat. Moisturize with Complex 15 moisturizer if my skin is feeling particularly dry but am so oily at the moment I don't do this very often. I am sure it will change soon.

Shampoo: Redken All soft - mainly because I'm a hair-dye junkie and after my last "experiment" i've pretty much fried it beyond recognition and anything less than this formula leaves it dry and brittle.

Supplements: milk thistle (for my poor liver) from GNC. Vitamin B-C complex (always take it, otherwise I get colds). Stopped with the multivitamin out of vitamin-a dosages.

So far: I take my pill with a fatty meal (usually lunch for me). Everything is pretty much the same, nothing to report. Am more hungover than usual even though i def. drank the least out friends.

Happy New Years! I hope everyone gets what they want -- pictures coming soon.

Much love!

[CalmCoolShot]

Hey good luck! I started on the 29th!

[zoe319]

DAY 4+5

spoke too early when i said was not experiencing any side effects. I realized that at 8 pm i was ready to fall into a deep deep sleep...and as soon as i closed my eyes on the subway just to "take a rest" i fell asleep and almost missed my stop. i have never fallen asleep on a subway before.


asides from that: my lips are getting increasingly dry. i mean, it's winter and i figured that dry lips were no big deal, but there is a big difference between regular dry lips and accutane dry lips. accutane makes them all pruny and wrinkled but tight feeling at the same time...and no matter how much stuff i pile on it doesn't really seem to help. they aren't cracking or that flaky yet but it's still noticable enough to not be able to put, say, lipstick on without it looking different.

i have a huge cyclops honker right between my eye. there is another huge cystic one on the side of my temple, too. my forehead (between the eyebrows) is looking really clustery and clogged...although in a positive way it makes me feel like stuff is finally coming out. maybe it's just because overall i've noticed my skin just take on a nicer tone, like smoother. i'm still oily as heck by the end of the day and maybe it's all psychological but i definitely think that after washing my skin has a nice glow to it that it hasn't had since, well, junior high.


still using the same old, and still dabbing breakout areas with clindamyacin gel. skin not that dry yet. got a huge cocoa butter stick for my lips and am slathering it on.

[anon81]

Hi Zoe,

I started the day after you on the same doseage, and am having a similar experience -- including the big between the brows zit and a cluster of clogged pores right next to it Not my favorite location...

But here's hoping we clear out soon!
Emi

DAY 4+5

spoke too early when i said was not experiencing any side effects. I realized that at 8 pm i was ready to fall into a deep deep sleep...and as soon as i closed my eyes on the subway just to "take a rest" i fell asleep and almost missed my stop. i have never fallen asleep on a subway before.


asides from that: my lips are getting increasingly dry. i mean, it's winter and i figured that dry lips were no big deal, but there is a big difference between regular dry lips and accutane dry lips. accutane makes them all pruny and wrinkled but tight feeling at the same time...and no matter how much stuff i pile on it doesn't really seem to help. they aren't cracking or that flaky yet but it's still noticable enough to not be able to put, say, lipstick on without it looking different.

i have a huge cyclops honker right between my eye. there is another huge cystic one on the side of my temple, too. my forehead (between the eyebrows) is looking really clustery and clogged...although in a positive way it makes me feel like stuff is finally coming out. maybe it's just because overall i've noticed my skin just take on a nicer tone, like smoother. i'm still oily as heck by the end of the day and maybe it's all psychological but i definitely think that after washing my skin has a nice glow to it that it hasn't had since, well, junior high.


still using the same old, and still dabbing breakout areas with clindamyacin gel. skin not that dry yet. got a huge cocoa butter stick for my lips and am slathering it on.

[zoe319]

Day 6

Honker between eyebrows is now joined by its younger (probably will grow bigger) brother. You know what's gross? Washing your face and feeling a big, flat lump that's not red yet. But you know it's going to be nasty.

GARRR. at this spot there is no way to hide it. ALTHOUGH: makeup tip that's helpful is brushing on some green powder (to color correct the red) BEFORE you put on foundation. it hides the redness really well!

Noticed small flakes on my skin this morning. If you are like me and absolutely hate moisturizer and the way it feels (skin is way too oily, and leaves weird shine), my favorite way of putting it on is when my face is still wet from being washed. Then I pat dry with a towel lightly and then air dry for like 10 minutes. Your skin will be flake free but NOT greasy. I like complex 15.

Lips nasty dry.


On a life note:
School just started. Am really stressed about finances and not finding a job....and on top of that am starting this semester on a rocky personal level. Basically I went out with a guy for two years since the beginning of college and as a result just mostly hung out with his friends...really really wonderful people they are. And ever since we've broken up his friends are still incredibly nice to me and call me to hang out with them and whatnot. But it's so awkward. And I still have a hard time seeing him, and at this point being that I'm not over him it's hard to even hang around them because the convo invariably shifts to him. So I've weaned myself off of them but...it's just hard, I guess.

I'm afraid that due to all this stress Accutane might make me more depressed than usual, which is something that I definitely DO NOT want since I get blue pretty often on my own. But we'll see, we'll see.

The other thing I'm afraid of is losing my hair. It's my pride and joy...and now I'm obsessing over whether the number of hairs I've swept up off my tub is a function of me going bald or just being dirty and not cleaning the tub for a while (hahah!)



Asides from the big ugly zits (and the fact that so many clogged thingies come out to play when I wash...I can't resist squeezing some of them out, they come out so easily!!), my skin un-broken out skin is looking fresh and glowy. If I could get the rest of my face to look like that, I'd be absolutely thrilled!



p.s. well now that i'm back in college, taking my pill with the "fattest meal of the day" means that it goes with the bag of chips i down right before i go to bed. hence solving the fatigue problem pretty damn well!!!

p.p.s. ANON81 - how funny! we are accutane twins. well unfortunately it seems like you might be expecting another big zit right between your eyes if the trend follows - for your sake I hope not!!! here's to clear skin.

[zoe319]

days 7 + 8 - ONE WEEK


being in college makes it really hard to not drink socially. i find that even a glass of wine makes me sick now.

yesterday @ a cocktail party a friend remarked that my skin was looking really nice! Which is great.

My skin is still oily, and I haven't had to worry about dry skin too much. But my lips are actually disgusting. I switched to straight up petroleum jelly and it's helping.

Asides from that things are looking tentatively nice. My two zits (cyclops) are still disgusting and huge as ever. I have a new big cyst on the side of my cheek. But despite all of that the tone of my skin overall is nice enough for me to really be optimistic.....

Worst side affect right now - I am so, so tired. I just want to sleep all day.

[zoe319]

Day 9+10 (BLEH)

Finished first pack.

Really down today. My face is nasty oily, like ridiculously so, and just feels kind of weird -- waxy, almost. The two huge bumps between my eyebrows are actually the nastiest things i've ever seen. I think my honeymoon period with accutane is over.

I had to install things @ work yesterday (art gallery) so I did a lot of heavy lifting and drilling and hanging and all this stuff...now I'm so sore I can barely get up. I feel like such a whiner. I already cut one of my classes this morning and am contemplating another one.

I have really bad mood swings, I think. I'm pretty down about something that happened this weekend (ran into an ex) and now I'm just kind of depressed. Nothing that bad happened-- yea it was slightly awkward -- but we're okay, I guess. But seeing him just sort of made me sad in the way that he simultaneously reminded me of why I love (loved?) him so much and why he was completely terrible as a boyfriend at the same time.

Isn't it funny? I would never want to get back together with him but sometimes I can't help but think of what I could have been like for him to love me more. I would have done anything for this guy, and he knows it. And yet no matter what I could never get him to feel the way I do about him.



ok enough with that. I'm going to put on some bad rap and clean my room and shower and go to class.

[tigerlily86]

Your acne history sounds a bit like mine, except I started breaking out initially in the 5th grade but yeah, it progressed into adult acne around the jawline and cheek area. Anyway, good luck!

[anon81]

Zoe!

Thanks for your kind post -- sorry (for your sake) to hear that we are in fact accutane twins, and that you haven't been spared the turn for the worse at the end of the first blister pack. Pack 2 will be better! Can't wait til we're both clear and just popping in eachother's logs to say congratulations!

p.s. I'm 1/2 Japanese too -- we really are twins! Do you speak Japanese?

[zoe319]

Day 11

Thank you guys so much for the encouragement, you have no idea how much it means! They really made me feel better yesterday when I was sooo down.


So there is a slight explanation for everything. Yesterday, I had the worst headache in the world, my skin was a mess, and I just felt completely like CRAP...I was sore, my back hurt, everything. I was so down on accutane and like, everything, and was just generally miserable.

Then...(for ladies only) I got my period. Which even though it came early made me really relieved that my symptoms of being sore and tired and depressed and headachy were all hormonal and weren't attributed to accutane. I feel much better today, thankyouverymuch.

My skin is slightly less oily today. One of the huge cysts came to a head and popped in the shower, so now it's scabbing and kind of gross. The other one is still a bump. My lips are really dry and I picked at a huge flake yesterday which made it bleed...and scared my poor roomate, who thinks that it's horrible that I'm taking accutane to begin with. But at the very least she concedes that since she has perfect skin she could never understand what it's like...which is why I'm here!

Anyway I hope that episode was just a fluke, and things will just keep on progressing along...

[zoe319]

DAY 15

...AHH! Stress. from school, job apps, everything.

Skin is dry but nothing major, lips are very dry. The two huge eyebrow zits are getting better, even if they are scabbing and gross. Some new zits along hairline but they're easily hidden so I don't mind them so much....and I feel some new bumps along my jawline too.

Basically the best way I can summarize things is that before Accutane most of my breakouts were consistent comedonal bumps all across my cheeks and forehead with maybe 1 or 2 cystic zits once a month. Now I'm getting lumps but everything else is gone. I don't mind them so much if they stay away from the center of my face but unfortunately my two first ones were smack in the center of my forehead and cheek.

Still I'm mad at myself for not going on it earlier. I'm not anywhere near done with my course yet but the truth is I lurked on these boards for so long trying to read every log being scared of the stories of initial breakouts and all of that....but if your doctor recommended accutane (like mine did over 3 years ago), don't put it off. Words are words. My acne probably sounds terrible on paper but that's because I'm using descriptions to talk about everything on my face. So if you're thinking of going on it, and have professional opinion backing you up (I went to 3 dermatologists, one of which was a fancy Park Ave-celebrity-client one) who all told me that Accutane was the answer to my problems, and yet I kept putting it off because I was scared and there was always an excuse. Over the summers it would be "oh, I'd get burned from the sun" and during the winter it'd be "oh, but everything would get so dry" or "oh, I have that wedding next month and I'll get an initial breakout." In the end they're all excuses ... go to a doctor or two, and if they recommend it, go for it!

I am going to get my liver tests next week, hopefully they come back ok, I've been really bad w. food but taking Milk Thistle. Again right now my non-skin side effect is fatigue...I used to be able to get up at 8 and crash at 3 no problem, but now I can barely make it through a regular day without taking a nap or two.

Anyway here is a picture of me one week before I started Accutane. I am wearing a lot of (melting) but the marks + scarring should give you a good idea of how my acne looks like. It was taken at the end of a night so you can also see the lovely oil everywhere...which I'm happy to report is now gone.

[zoe319]

Day 17 Aka...grrr

I think the main frustration with accutane is that you feel it working basically everywhere - dry skin, lips, hair, and maybe some other side effects, but you're still breaking out!!!

new cysts all along jaw line. boo. that is all. then i attacked my sea of blackheads on my nose and ended up scratching my nose off in the process.

[anon81]

[quote name='zoe319' date='Jan 16 2007, 02:23 AM' post='1622298']

I think the main frustration with accutane is that you feel it working basically everywhere - dry skin, lips, hair, and maybe some other side effects, but you're still breaking out!!!


I KNOW!!!!

Hang in there, twin!

[zoe319]

Day 20


so, so tired. these days i feel like a deflated balloon.

[trafalgar]

Hello,
I just wanted to wish you good luck on your course. I just started and am on day 6. So far I haven't really experienced any side effects other than a red face and OILY skin. Can't wait for the dryness to set in.

I'm curious, how does milk thistle help your liver?

[zoe319]

Hello,
I just wanted to wish you good luck on your course. I just started and am on day 6. So far I haven't really experienced any side effects other than a red face and OILY skin. Can't wait for the dryness to set in.

I'm curious, how does milk thistle help your liver?

Hi! Day 23.ish?

Life is moving. Skin dry, lips very dry. Took blood test today (ewwwwwwwwww huge needle!). Had 3 big cysts since last time I wrote which I all promptly squeezed (they were so BIG and had a huge yellow center and EWWWW) and now they're all scabbing along nicely. Asides from that....hm...

I need to go shopping soon...new moisturizer, new foundation (dare i say it, this one is getting too drying) and aquaphor!

and about milk thistle, here is a blurb from a website that explains it much better than i can. when i get the blood results back i'll tell you whether or not it helped!

Milk Thistle
Uses: to promote general wellbeing, to strengthen liver & gall bladder function; to combat poor digestion, malabsorption of nutrients, hangover, liver cirrhosis, hepatitis, exposure to environmental pollution & toxic chemicals
Part used: Seed Extract


How it works: Modern research shows Milk Thistle contains a range of phytochemicals which make the plant particularly useful for people suffering from the above conditions & for people dealing with toxic overload, either from exposure to poisons & toxic chemicals; from taking drugs for other conditions; or even for those simply suffering from a hangover. People with weak liver & gall function can to suffer from poor digestion and malabsorption of nutrients due to a lack of bile production. Active chemicals in the Milk Thistle can reverse this by stimulating bile production

[zoe319]

Day 42

BOOO! Sorry for the long lack of updates--midterms have been sneaking up...but the other reason was mainly because my skin has behaved ....little pimples on hairline but for the most part, it's been doing great! When I went home for my dr's appointment my mom - who is not happy about the accutane btw - looked at me and was like, "oh, it works!"

until <dum dum dum>...

6th week and i am breaking out like mad again.

does anyone think that this has to do with a switch? i was on amnesteen and now i'm on sortet....im hoping this is the 'last hurrah' so to speak...


btw my lips actually look like a science fiction prop.
.

[anon81]

ME TOO! how freaky is this? well, i didn't get the miraculous improvement, but i was slooooowly seeing some positive change. now -- ick. let's hope we clear up soon, and for good. acne is so played out. (unlike my 90s slang )

[Bob20]

Hey Zoe, stick in there!

If that photo is really you I'm pretty sure you have nothing to worry about in the looks department. h o t