the reason why we have acne

i can't really say this is true but this is how i see it. anyway, i've read alot of posts of people saying 'i'd be pretty if i didn't have acne' or 'acne makes me humble' and stuff like that. in a way i think that if we have acne its because perhaps if we didn't have to suffer with it we'd be mean people. not really mean but like superficial or evil [dont know how to explain myself]. you guys are probably thinking 'wtf??' but yeah have you ever wondered what it would be like if you didn't have acne? i often think to myself what i'd be like if i didn't anything to care about and it kind of scares me. acne makes us see and go through what we couldn't have gone through and experienced if we were clear. i think having acne will pay off to all of us in the end because by the time we are old and wise we will realize that it wasn't really such a bad thing because you learned to be nice, caring, understanding, humble, etc. person.
*everytime i see a person with acne i think to myself 'he/she must have a good life/family'..why?
okay would you rather be as you are now or having severe acne living in a third world country struggling for food and stuff. because i take it that all of us sitting on the computer and checking up on this site must have a decent life since since we have the luxory of doing this. im sorry if this posts gets you guys mad . if you kind of know what im talking about reply and help me summarize my thoughts that i put together so badly.

nO ACCUTANE !!!

so today went in at 2:30 pm to see my derm. and the nurse asked me what i needed and i told her if the doctor would prescribe 'accutane' and she said 'yea he can pretty much prescribe anything' and i was like 'okay' and then he came in and he was like 'okay so what's the problem' and then i said 'my dentist told me about something called accutane' {i didn't want to seem like a geek so i said she told me, btw she did} and he was like 'why???? i don't think that's the case here. your not qualified. that drug is usually only meant for people with nodular / cystic type acne' and i was like 'yea its cus i feel like my face is bad and he was like 'well i will check out the prices for you and by the way its a very expensive drug' and i was like 'ok' and he went out and i heard him saying ' ...she wants to be prescibed accutane and i see no need for that her acne is very mild..i dont think a young girl like her should get on it blah blah blah' and then he came in and he brought me a book and showed me the side effects which i already know about and i was like 'ok' and he was like 'why should i give you accutane when i know its going to cause horrible side effects when i can fix your problem with out any..do you know what accutane can do to you? '{shake my head} ' it can turn your organs basically into soap. do you want to be made out of soap?' [shake my head] and i told him about a 'low dose' and he said 'no i don't think thats the case' anyway yea so he prescribed me BACTRIM for the second time.. and i bought his 'acne pack' *i think he made it. anyway it was 70 dollars and its like a really small bottle of salycilic acid & tea tree 2% and another small jar of some tooth paste smelling liquid ... baddddddddddddddddddddddddddd day.


btw, i was going to use my 200 dollars to buy myself a cellphone but now i got nothing .
no clear skin / no phoneeee .

frustrated!!!

->>if you dont want to read through all of this skip down pLEASE.


so sunday i decided to talk to my dad about letting me go on accutane anyway long story shorter, he agreed. i told him my plan about going on 10 mg while im in school and i figure if by the end of the three months i take i increase my dose since its going to be summer time and i can hide. anyway you guys probably have all been through some sort of talk with someone about it and it sucks because well i felt like there was so much more i wanted to say and it makes me want to scream. i hate portraying myself as a pissed off person all the time to my family, it just frustrates me that i can't control my skin. im sorry if it seems like im dumb or something but im really tired of this its been like 2 years for me and i feel like i can't take it no more. i hate eating the 'right foods' or coming up with different ways to wash my face properly without breakouts i hate it. ANYWAY as i was telling my dad that [we were at a restaurant] and he was talking about how its not a big deal and blah blah blah btw, in 9th grade when i was at my worst he would point and tell me stuff and yeah as we were talking a guy that i hadnt even noticed had kind of bad acne and he was like 'oh look at him' and then a lady with like bad acne was kind of next to us refilling her soda and he was pointing and saying 'look see she doesnt feel bad' / 'look at her'and he kept doing it and i was like 'omg calm down' [he gets mad when i tell him to shut up]. my brother was like 'yea yours isnt even that bad it doesnt even look like you have any just kind of marks but thats it just dont worry about it. this kid that goes to my school has really bad pimples and hes still acts like nothings wrong just who cares about it' and i was like 'you care'.



questions for low-dose accutane users;


how much did you take:

did you clear / are you getting clear:

how long did it take/ has it taken:

anything else i should know please tell me.

ACNE HOUSE!!!

don't you guys wish there was an 'acne house/hotel' that people with skin issues could check into and like live in there for a couple months taking accutane or something and just check out when your ready kind of like rehab? haha i've been thinking about this ALL DAY LONG . i want to take accutane but i don't to go through the 'initial break out' because then i'll be miserable and lonely but i figured if im with people who are in the same boat, i'd be happy and we'd all entertain each other like one big family. but this of course is my fantasy. hahah

thank god you have life [read! story]

some of us should realize that acne isn't really the worst thing in the world or at least try to.
we should thank god we have a life to live regardless of anything on your face.
who cares what people think - what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. be patient and keep hope and faith in god if he has given you acne it must be for a reason. after reading this story i cried because i realize that while im on this website worrying about vanity issues there are little kids/ people who would rather live. im sorry if you don't feel the same way after you read the story you just might.


Tell Me Why You Cry

They say that everyone has a story that will break your heart. My little brother Nicholas had cancer. His hair had fallen out, and he was so weak that it was hard for him to walk. I couldn't stand to see the pain in his eyes any longer. His childhood memories were not of christmases, camping trips and toys; his memories were of hospital visits, I.V.s and blood transfusions.

I remember when it first started, when he was only three. At first, it was the way he was always getting awful, ugly bruises. We didn't think anything of it until the started showing up in place they didn't belong, like in his armpit, or on his scalp. Then there were his nosebleeds, which were a constant occurrence. My mom would always have to remind us, "Don't horse around with Nicholas; his nose will start to bleed."

His form of cancer was acute lymphatic leukemia (ALL), which is very curable. Seventy percent of children with ALL achieve remission within one year, and out of those in remission, 50 percent never relapse, Nicky's odds were very good.

He started chemotherapy immediately, to stop the cancer from getting any worse. It went well but it was hard. He was at the hospital Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday receiving treatment, and then he would come for the rest of the week, sick and completely powerless. He missed preschool that year, but he was in remission nine months, and we were all happy.

Life was back to normal for a while, until one day during my freshman year. I came home from school to see my parent sitting on the couch, which was odd, because m parents were never home after school. But when I saw the tears, I knew that my worst fear had come true. The cancer was back.

He was five by then and had been in remission for about two years. We all thought he had beaten it, but then the had found a cancerous tumor inside his chest. The doctors were not sure how big it was, so they set a surgery date. They were going to make a small incision on his chest and evaluate the tumor. If it was possible, they would remove it the same day.

The day of the surgery, we all woke up early to accompany Nicholas. We sat in the stark white waiting room of B-3, the "cancer hall." I had been there far more than I could handle. In the last two years, I had seen too much of this hall, or cribs occupied by babies whose mothers visit less and less, of children who know they will not make it. The sickening smell of death lines each room, telling pas stories of children whose lives were cut short by a silent killer.

We sat and waited for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, after hours Dr. McGuiness, Nicky's cancer phsycian specialist, came out of the door marked SURGERY. He was still wearing his operating garb as he motioned for us to follow him, which meant that we needed to talk. As we down, fear consumed us. "Nicholas is out of surgery now, and the medicine will wear off soon," Dr. McGuiness began. "I'm sorry, though," he continued. "The tumor has grown too large. It has consumed one entire lung, and it has grown all down one side of his heart. There is nothing we can do now." As I heard those words, my eyes filled with tears. Those words meant that it was time to stop fighting because we would not win. I looked around knew I wanted to leave. I wanted to run far, far away, but I knew I couldn't. It wouldn't make my problems any better, and it wouldn't make Nicky live.

The doctor left for ten minutes so we could regain composure. When he returned, he asked when we wanted Nicky to spend his last days. We said we wanted Nicholas home.

The next few months were torture, having to watch Nick got sicker and weaker. As the tumor grew, his heart stopped pumping regularly and he became short of breath.

The summer went by much quicker than it should have. Nicholas's health remained steady, although still very fragile. we were even able to take a trip to Disneyland, Nick's One Last Wish. It was so hard, though, trying to be happy for him and knowing it was our last vacation together as a family.

As the year went by, the bustle and jumble of the holiday season kept us occupied. Halloween was fun and Thanksgiving dinner was delicious. Then, as we started preparing for Christmas, Nicky's health deteriorated.

One day as everyone was decorating the tree, I went in to see Nicholas, who was sitting in a chair. The Christmas lights beautifully illuminated his face and brought out an innocent sparkle we had not seen in a long time.

As I came closer, I realized he was crying. I sat down in the chair with him and held him in my arms the way I had when he was younger.

"Nicky, tell me why you cry," I said.
"Sissy, it's just not fair," he blubbered.
"What's not fair?" I asked.
"Why am I going to die?"
"Well, you know that everyone dies," I replied, obviously avoiding the subject. I didn't want him to know, and deep down inside I didn't want to know either.

"But not like me. Why do I have to die? Why so early?" And then he started to cry. He buried his head in m chest, and i started to cry, too. We sat like that for a long time. A very long, lonesome and scary time. Afterwards there was an understanding between us. He was read, and so was I. We could handle anything now.

In January, he slipped into a comma and we knew we were losing him. One day we sat in his room, holding his hand, because we knew this was going to be his last time with us. Suddenly, a certain peacefulness filled the room, and I knew that Nicholas had breathed his last breath. I looked outside. The freshly fallen snow somehow seemed brighter. I hated myself for it, but I suddenly felt better. All the pain and sorrow of the past few years were gone, and I knew that Nicholas was safe. He was longer scared or hurt, and it was better this way.

Nichole Rose Patridge




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