31, Afraid and Starting Accutane

Hello,
I have suffered with acne for 22 years and spent thousands on peels, creams, antibiotics, BCP, ect to no avail. My derm prescribed 40Mg of accutane and I am so afraid of the IB and side effects. I am currently on meds for anxiety which is pretty much under control and depression related to my acne and a divorce that I am going through.
I have mild but very persistent acne which for the past year has turned cystic. At the moment my skin is peppered with dark marks and a couple of small cyst. I may take my first pill tonight or tomorrow morning and I am so afraid of everything I have read on this board about the possible permanent effects.
I did not want to start at 40Mg but my derm said she wanted me off of it in 5 months but I am wondering if I should take it every other day (Mg) to test how my body will react to it. Btw, I weigh 132 lbs. and I am 5'6" tall.

My question is: has anyone suffered permanent side effects on my dosage? if yes, what were they? (I do not think I will go higher than this no matter what my derm says.)

I would love some support and guidance through this becsuse I am such a chicken butt about this.