I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle with the BP. My skin doesn't seem to be improving anymore. It's oily again. I guess it was just a matter of time before I adjusted and started making more oil. I like not having skin that hurts when I smile but at the same time I hate being shiny.
I hate that when my friends want to make plans with me a week in advance all I can think about is what my skin will look like in a week because I never really know. I had couple horrible pimples that left two horrible marks on my face recently and it seems like I just can't help but stare at them in the mirror. I broke down one day last week and cried because of some asshole I met. I'm sick of people speaking to me like they see me drinking buckets of sugar and oil. I'm sick of people's "advice." I live in the kind of place where people feel like they have a right to point out your flaws... and it really gets to me. It's depressing.
I collected some antibiotics last week. I know I said in my review that you shouldn't try them, and you really shouldn't but I just wanted to have a few good months. I didn't start drinking them yet though. I know that I'll have to stop and that I'll break out when I stop, and since I don't have a plan for what to do after that... i haven't taken them. I just felt so frustrated and when I used them the last time they worked so fast.
When I close my eyes I imagine myself as someone else, someone who isn't covered with ugly pimples and marks. Someone who's happy, who can wear anything. It just isn't fair to me that I spend so much time on my skin, I work so hard on keeping acne triggers out of my diet, I spend so much damn money on products and I just can't have skin that people don't feel the need to comment about.