I was battling the idea of posting pictures of how my skin looks with makeup, but decided against it. Not because it looks bad (coverage is nice, we all know that), but because it doesn't matter. This is about conquering acne and being proud of your skin, not showing how to hide yourself. If I could go without makeup every weekend, I would. The problem is that my image is a pretty big part of my job. It's not the most important part, but it's enough to need to look really damn good for the media, which sucks. I can't just waltz on stage with a red face...I mean, I could, but I shouldn't. I hate it, but that's why my goal is to have clear skin; I want to be able to free myself from those pressures and love my skin, and to be able to show those shallower people that I love it, too! Soon.
Anyway, yesterday, in all of my hypocrisy, I wore my arch nemesis, Bare Minerals. I knew that mineral makeup could beat liquid makeup any day (especially for those with oily or combo skin), so I set my grudges aside and applied it after my moisturizer dried.
AND, LO AND BEHOLD, IT WAS QUITE IRRITATING. It was irritating because my bumps (the popped ones this time weren't so kind as to diminish entirely) were so pronounced, it was embarrassing. I kept putting my hair in my face because I couldn't stand the way the powder illuminated them in the light. Also, the makeup, as most of us know, is simply irritating to the skin. It was itching all day. Curse you, bismuth oxychloride; curse you, mica.
Sephora updates their Tarte products soon, and as soon as they do, that new mineral makeup is MINE. I am done with makeup that makes my skin look like bubble wrap. DONE.
Moving on, by the end of the day, the only breakout that appeared to be makeup/irritant-induced was a small whitehead on my chin. Not bad. I washed that stuff off as fast as I could, to find that the whiteheads I was so eager to pop the night before had come back, and with a vengeance. This is why I dislike popping my face. They're pretty heinous, but it looks like they're trying to push out of my face, which I approve of. I think I'll just leave them be, but don't be surprised if they show up in my week 3 photos tomorrow.
When I compare my current skin to the photos from last week and the week before, I sometimes wonder if my skin is worse, but then I realize that it's just healing. When I'm able to look at my skin objectively, I can see that almost all of my clogged pores are gone, and the ones that aren't have become whiteheads. So, in a way, it looks worse, but it's sort of like an epic purge. Also, most of the redness on my skin is from old acne, which I much prefer. Not bad at all.
This is such an interesting learning process. I've changed so much in these past few weeks, and it feels like I'm developing a real understanding for my skin, which is something I've never had. I only used to have frustration, which is STILL TOTALLY HERE, but it's different now, because I can handle it, and I am in control. It feels good to say (type) that.
Sorry about the long narcissistic epiphanies. Progress pictures tomorrow, WOOHOO!
Liz (I feel like something this long and personal needs a signature)