Ok so I've been faced with a dilemna since the benzoyl peroxide I ordered arrived early...on the one hand I know that it works well, but on the other hand I know that it never makes me 100% clear and I don't think my skin warrants using it again. I'm going to persevere and try and go on holiday and forget about it...although taking apple cider vinegar in a 100ml bottle in my hand luggage is sure to raise a few eyebrows - taking a bottle of urine onto the plane eh! lol
On a positive note I had a brilliant long weekend and it was actually sunny! Managed to get a bit rosy-cheeked on sunday which I think has made my skin look a lot healthier Not to mention the fact that sunny days make it almost impossible to hide any imperfections, which acted as a deterrent for picking which lasted the whole weekend, woo! I even stopped myself from stressing too much about the bumpy scab on my head - go me!
However, on a come-down from the bank holiday I looked at my skin last night and was sooooo tempted to pick. I almost justified it to myself thinking 'if I do it tonight then it will be all healed up by the time I go on holiday', but actually stopped myself. Again this morning I looked in my compact at the current breakout and thought 'do it, do it! if you leave it any longer you'll be spotty on holiday'...what's wrong with me?! So far I'm stopping myself, I walked to the train station in the rain this morning and loved the feeling of not worrying about messing up my make-up - plus I got an extra 10 minutes in bed because I didn't have to hide any damage.
I think focusing on the benefits of not picking is going to help, so every time I go to pick if I think about a 10 minute lay in or not having to reapply concealer throughout the day it might help. I'm going to keep doing this all day and see if it actually works. I normally end up justifying any picking session by focusing on the negative stuff: it'll only get worse if I don't stop it in its tracks, I will be able to conceal a scab easier than a bump, the awful thought of it sitting in my skin and thinking that it will come up eventually anyway and probably at a very inconvenient time.
I need to stop justifying it to myself and change my attitude towards my skin, picking is not helping and it only makes me feel ashamed so the temporary feeling of relief whilst the anxiety subdues is just not worth it. So far I've just been trying to minimise the picking but I think it's the feeling I get from maintenance picking that makes me want to carry on or start picking at unnecessary stuff. I've made a decision that I can't do it anymore, not small ones, not easy ones, it's just got to end. So today is the first day of no more picking FULL STOP.
...wish me luck!