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Day 25: "i Used To Pick My Face"

I have a large...plug. It's sticking out of my cheek, in fairly close proximity to my mouth. It's just that. A hard, waxy plug, sticking up from a pore. I reach up to run my hands over my face, and I feel it there. So far, I have not picked or scratched at it, but man have I come close. I even tried "drying off" my face with an extra rub with the towel right there. You know, because it needed to be dry, right?

Sigh.

I realize that I will probably never lose the compulsion to pick at my face as long as there are things on my face to pick. I feel that I have been successful in overcoming the acute urgency, at least in the short term, but the long term presents new challenges. Namely, I cannot let myself become complacent, because the temptation will always be there. So I must always be vigilant about remembering where I've come from, and where I want to go. And here's what I'm telling myself today:

"I used to pick my face. I used to have oozing, painful, infected red scabs that made me embarrassed to leave the house. It made me feel disgusting and out of control, but I used to do it anyway. I would be up at night crying, ashamed and in pain from the wounds I'd inflicted on my own face. I made the choice 25 days ago not to pick at my face anymore, because something in me decided that I did not want to live like that anymore. I decided to accept my face exactly was it was, whether I had acne or not. I decided that every small blemish on my face, real or imagined, did not diminish my worth as a person and was perfectly ok to just be there. And I decided to believe that I could stop picking at my face, because whether I pick or not is a choice. Today, when I look at my face, even though the temptation to pick is still there, I recognize that the benefit of immediate gratification is not worth the long-term harm to my skin and my psyche. I deserve better than a face that has been scratched and clawed at. I deserve to wake up tomorrow morning without a giant scab on my cheek, and to live a life without constant physical and emotional pain."


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4 Comments


I too used to pick and to a certain extent I agree with you that the desire to pick may be there anytime there is something to pick at. I stopped picking at my zits when my face cleared. I had horrible cystic acne. Good luck on not picking. I read something the other day that said picking at zits causes scarring and spreads the infection. Just a tip. Peace!

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You are an incredible writer. How beautifully your words fit together!

It feels like you're reading my mind. I made a log about skin picking recently. I'm posting photos of myself as a sort of "accountability" trick. I've been able to do this before, but only for about 3 weeks.

You are a motivation! I would be clear if I didn't pick!

I used to pick my face, too.

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You are an incredible writer. How beautifully your words fit together!

It feels like you're reading my mind. I made a log about skin picking recently. I'm posting photos of myself as a sort of "accountability" trick. I've been able to do this before, but only for about 3 weeks.

You are a motivation! I would be clear if I didn't pick!

I used to pick my face, too.

Aw, thank you. I have always found my comfort zone in writing. I often feel like half the battle of working through any problem is being able to articulate it into words.

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