• entries
    13
  • comments
    25
  • views
    7,181

Day 1: Commitment

Hi, everyone.

Today I am making a commitment, to myself, to all of you, and to the rest of the cosmos, that I am going to stop picking my skin. It's something I've struggled with for years. My skin is essentially clear, except for a few clogged pores, and even these are enough to trigger hours of scrutiny and self-harm.

Tonight, I have two open sores on my chin, my most sensitive and triggering area. I was touching my face as late as this afternoon. But I made it through my shower and my skin care regimen without scratching or picking. I want to go touch my face right now, but I won't.

Instead, I'm going to work on rebutting the unconscious (and to some extent conscious) rationales that drive me to pick at my skin. Today, and hopefully in the next few days as I begin this journey, I will address each of these beliefs.

These beliefs are, in no particular order:

  • Clear skin is beautiful, acne is disgusting
  • Acne is a punishment for not doing everything right
  • It’s not fair that I get acne, because I try so hard
  • If I leave it alone, it’s never going to get better
  • If I succeed in picking at it, then it’s better immediately
  • I deserve to be ashamed of the picked wounds I cause
  • I am destined to pick at my skin

    And my rebuttals, at least for tonight.
    • Clear skin is beautiful, acne is disgusting
      • Clear skin is nice, but acne is not the end of the world. My acne is not disgusting, and it is not shameful. It just is what it is.
      • Acne is a punishment for not something I should not have done
        • The causes of acne are complex. Even if I ate a scone, or leaned on my chin, or didn't properly apply enough benzoyl peroxide, and could somehow prove that this was the direct cause of a breakout rather than merely speculating, this does not mean that I deserve to have acne.
        • It’s not fair that I get acne, because I try so hard
          • I do try hard, and in that respect it isn't fair, but it is still my responsibility to treat my acne properly.
          • If I leave it alone, it’s never going to get better

            • It will get better, and I have to trust that. My body is a terrific healer, but I have to be patient.

            [*]If I succeed in picking at it, then it’s better immediately

            [*]This is a dangerous game. Sometimes, it's better immediately, but the act of picking has irritated the surrounding skin, potentially leading to future breakouts. The cost is never worth the benefit.

            [*]I deserve to be ashamed of the picked wounds I cause

            [*]There is no dishonor in being human. And right now, this minute, is the chance to make a fresh start.

            [*]I am destined to pick at my skin

            [*]No, I am not. I can make the choice to let my skin heal, and to accept its imperfections.

            I will write it again, for my own sake:

            The cost is never worth the benefit.

            The cost is never worth the benefit.

            The cost is never worth the benefit.


  Report Entry


1 Comment


Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a New Account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now