So i'll give it to you straight. I'm warn out. I'm tired. I'm drained. I visited a psychologist who explained to me that i have severe depression. I'm 20 and my acne has led me towards psycho therapy. Great huh? I'm a wreck. I haven't hung out with my friends for the past year now. I look at myself, and i think, what do i have to do? What changed? Why did this come to me? Now we can all go ahead and ponder on different theories on what causes this horrible disease as i like to refer to it by, but at the end of the day, nobody in this world knows what causes acne. Iv'e heard everything, from diet (gluten, dairy etc) from washing your face with this and that and this and that, to staying positive and being happy all the time and so many others. I despise it when people try and land all these theories on top of me, claiming that it's worked for them! But i'm not you, and iv'e tried your method, and iv'e only gotten worse. What do you do when you have tried everything in your power to be rid of this nightmare, but it continues to beat you and get worse each day. I have been drugged and spaced out on so many different 'magic pills' i can't even explain. Having a facewash plan wasn't the answer, cutting out gluten and dairy for a year, wasn't the answer. What is left that would do this to me? I'm all out of ideas. I just literally stared at myself in the mirror for about 10 minutes thinking how low my life has become. This disease has taken over everything in my world. I am wearing a mask of a different identity. The hat i wear to make sure my fringe covers up my disgusting forehead, that's not me. My hair being so so long because i don't have the self esteem or confidence to be seen like this, that's not me. Wanting to kill every person in sight with clear skin, that's not me. Accutane. That is my last and only hope i have left. My seclusion from this beautiful world is getting to me so much, and i'll be honest, there is only so much a human can take when he is trapped like this, before something explodes, and i do something terrible. I honestly can't take this shit any longer. Every fucking day is the SAME! NOTHING HAS CHANGED OR IMPROVED IN 2 YEARS! WHAT IS CAUSING THIS! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME! I could talk and talk for hours but i'm not going to. Whoever is reading this, and has clear skin, or even the odd pimple, you don't know how thankful and how lucky you are. To be able to live the life you want to. To be able to look a person in the eye when talking to them, to be able to be YOU.
I'm going to stop typing now. And i'm not going to be optimistic, because now i'm so used to my hopes being crushed.