This is a touchy subject, because i know that there are many of you out there that have depression directly related to accutane. I think my feeling of constant "shitty-ness" and worthlessness comes from indirect side effects of accutane. I also feel that accutane, whatever it does do to the mind and body, makes it harder to come out of a chronic stress/ depression situation. Later last year i went through a very stressful moment in my life where i went days without eating and i had to be moving or else my mind would just run and run and run, into things i didnt want to think about. For the most part i believe that Ive moved on from that situation, but the pit in my stomach is still there. Throughout that period i developed telogen effluvium on top of my already thinned hair from accutane, splendid! But more or less the depression continued after i started really looking at myself in the mirror . The stress took a toll on my already thinned and reddened face from accutane and i developed breakouts all over my body. In places that i never even experienced acne before. So that too obviously took a toll on my stress and self esteem. But i can hardly stand to look at myself in the mirror any more. My hair is thin, my face is red from accutane induced rosacea at 20, i have wrinkles around my mouth and eyes from such dry skin and i think decreased proliferation. Im embarrassed to laugh or smile when i talk to someone because it will amplify the laugh lines that i now have which wont go away until the next morning after sleep. Which will then return as soon as i talk. Because of a hurt shoulder, which i believe also to be related to accutane (call me crazy) i cant do any heavy lifting to take my mind off of things. My whole body creaks now. At night i just constantly look up ways to reverse these effects and clues to the method of action and constantly stare at myself in the mirror wondering what if i had never taken this drug. And wishing to see a transformation before my eyes of my face and body going into a state of being that was accutane free.
I was never depressed while on the drug. I mean i had some self esteem lows when my hair first thinned and walking through school with a dry irritated red face was somewhat embarrassing, but besides that i was fine. But now through looking at myself and learning something newer and even worse every day tears at me..
DONT TAKE ACCUTANE