Thought I'd start a blog;maybe it could be just my place to go to when I'm feeling down, since I had a not so great experiance on the forum. Still very embarrassed about that, make sure that'll never happen again..
Atleast here no one can say that I'm annoying or I should delete myself, because it is my blog after all..
I'm feeling a bit down. The epiduo on my face is burning, and I can't tell if it's working. I hope it is, because acne hurts like hell and looks bad. Plus my face scars at anything, so sometimes I look like damn Freddy Kruger or a lagoon monster I'd like to say.
I've been feeling really down about my face latley. Maybe it's because I haven't been on my meds latley for BDD but I hope to God I can get them soon. I feel so ugly, and gross. I hate comparing myself to other girls and feeling gross. I just feel like I'm too unique looking... I don't look 'guy hot', I don't attract guys. Maybe because my face is manly looking, I don't have blonde hair, and I don't tan or show off my boobs at any chance I can get.
It doesn't help that someone thought I was 30 too. I BALLED like a mofo when I read that comment. I really look like I'm 30...? Just shoot me...
Atleast I had a nice break away from college. I don't have to worry about going to the cafeteria or anything, or have people staring and laughing and me because of the way I look.
Shit I feel so depressed... I feel like nothing, no one, gross, unloveable. Why should I even be here anymore.. I have no friends, no connection with life, and on top of that I'm ugly.
People say it's just in my head, but I can't ignore the nasty comments I recieved in the past from other people. I've been made fun of all my life, made to feel like absolutley no one. Ifeel like true dirt.
I wish the BDD central site was stilll up, those people understood what it was like. Although people on here are super duper nice, there are others on this site who are just down right nasty and do not understand this disorder one bit.
I hope no one reads this blog, I really don't. The piece of crap isn't even worth reading, it's just me venting about my BDD and acne issues. It's not something interesting like, a positive success story, or an accutane journey.
It's just me being a self loathing loser. But I should put it somewhere right?? I guess others dealing with the same thing will want to read it and connect, so that's why I made it public.
Well, I should probably do hw, or take a tylenol pm and listen to Bob Dylan.
I'm just feeling so anxious and nervous right now, I can't stop crying, I just feel like things are out of my control..
If anyone wants to talk about anything, message me =)