So I think my skin might be better, on average today. While I still have probably 25 cysts, no new ones popped up today. Not fabulous, but I'll take it. I think I have a few new whiteheads, but honestly it's hard to even be sure. Could it be that bare minerals was the culprit after all? Maybe. It could also be that I haven't been eating much due to anxiety. For some reason, not consuming enough calories has helped my skin clear up in the past. Or it could just be random.
I've been pretty anxious today. I was going to go to the grocery store, but, in the process of putting make up on, I got so discouraged and grossed out by my face that I took it all of and decided to just stay in the comfortable quarters of my room. I've started taking Paxil subsequent to breaking out like crazy. It helps a bit, but I don't know if it's possible for me to be both conscious and not upset about my face. idk. I know I shouldn't isolate myself, but going out into the world makes me miserable.
I feel like in some ways having acne has made me a better person. Definitely less vain. I used to be pretty/attractive, and I knew it too. I think I'm nicer than I used to be. I used to love that I was pretty, that people were jealous of me, and so on. But now, I look back on that, and I'm embarrassed that I used to be so shallow.
I'm going to do some yoga, write my statement of purpose for graduate school, pretend that I don't feel well so I don't have to go to my friends birthday dinner, and try to cheer up a bit. Maybe I'll drink some wine before I go to bed. My skin is out of control anyways, and it is a Saturday after all.