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Life of a friendly recluse - Introvert on the outside - extrovert on the inside

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I was a member of this site years ago, but couldn't figure out how to use my old username. I guess there is nothing wrong with a fresh start, but nothing has changed since the last time I logged on to this site. My face still acts up and the scarring just keeps getting worse. I've come to a point in my life where I have given up all hope. I'm not really attractive to begin with and have no money to spend on treatments so my only 'rational' option is to stay hidden from the society I live in. With the help of my parents I have become a recluse. I'm basically a basement dweller without the basement. I'm 32 years old and have pretty much "thrown in the towel". I just couldn't stand people's taunts anymore. I tried everything I could think of to try and handle the ridicule or at least be able to tolerate it, but it was too much for me. Especially when you watch everyone around you having a good time and being able to flaunt their smooth attractive skin. Maybe if I had an ounce of attractiveness things would be a little different for me, but who knows. So the only option for me is solitude. I guess I'm really doing everyone a favor by not being in their presence. Because honestly I only seemed to bring the worst out in people by just my appearance alone. I've already become accustomed to just hanging out in my room all day I mean it can get a little boring sometimes trying to keep my mind distracted on something, but it's better than living in complete torment. I still cringe every time I look in the mirror and I don't know why I still stress myself out everyday about my skin. It's not like I go anywhere to feel uncomfortable. I guess I just have some kind of hope that eventually I will wake up one day and see clear skin, but I know that's never going to happen. I think I at least want my skin to feel good, but it always feels irritated and itches all the time. Nothing seems to keep my skin in control. Eventually I'm going to have to face the public again and when that happens I think I'm going to have some major panic attack episodes or something, but for now I'll just try to breathe and enjoy whatever moment I can.

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