I have a large...plug. It's sticking out of my cheek, in fairly close proximity to my mouth. It's just that. A hard, waxy plug, sticking up from a pore. I reach up to run my hands over my face, and I feel it there. So far, I have not picked or scratched at it, but man have I come close. I even tried "drying off" my face with an extra rub with the towel right there. You know, because it needed to be dry, right?
I realize that I will probably never lose the compulsion to pick at my face as long as there are things on my face to pick. I feel that I have been successful in overcoming the acute urgency, at least in the short term, but the long term presents new challenges. Namely, I cannot let myself become complacent, because the temptation will always be there. So I must always be vigilant about remembering where I've come from, and where I want to go. And here's what I'm telling myself today:
"I used to pick my face. I used to have oozing, painful, infected red scabs that made me embarrassed to leave the house. It made me feel disgusting and out of control, but I used to do it anyway. I would be up at night crying, ashamed and in pain from the wounds I'd inflicted on my own face. I made the choice 25 days ago not to pick at my face anymore, because something in me decided that I did not want to live like that anymore. I decided to accept my face exactly was it was, whether I had acne or not. I decided that every small blemish on my face, real or imagined, did not diminish my worth as a person and was perfectly ok to just be there. And I decided to believe that I could stop picking at my face, because whether I pick or not is a choice. Today, when I look at my face, even though the temptation to pick is still there, I recognize that the benefit of immediate gratification is not worth the long-term harm to my skin and my psyche. I deserve better than a face that has been scratched and clawed at. I deserve to wake up tomorrow morning without a giant scab on my cheek, and to live a life without constant physical and emotional pain."