Okay, enough is enough. I don't know what in me has finally snapped but I'm
SICK AND TIRED of this obsession. I think it might be because thanksgiving is in 2 days, and I'm absolutely dreading it because my face is picked into an oblivion. Or because for the past 2 weeks, I have only gone to my boyfriends after dark, and have left first thing in the morning before the sun could shine any light onto my face... This isn't right. This isn't how life is supposed to be lived. Right now I have about 10 picked at spots, and 4 active acne. I'm at work, and all I want to do is go home and pop the crap out of those active ones, but I'm not doing it. No matter how big they are and how tempted I am, for the first time I'm going to leave them alone.
I haven't picked at all today, which is already huge for me. I woke up this morning and put my makeup over all this mess, one of them even started bleeding, but I just dealt with it and went to work. I've been embaraased all day though, because I know how bad my entire face looks. I keep looking in the little "apple" on the back of my iPhone at my face, and I have to take a deep breath and continue working. One thing I've found to keep myself calmer throughout the day is that looking in that tiny apple isn't nearly as bad as looking in a full mirror, where I can see my entire face. If I can see just small portions of my face, individual pimples, I don't totally lose my mind and need to hide immediately.
Along with picking, I have a habit of washing my face 15 times a day or more... Literally. When I'm getting ready to go somewhere, I shower and put my makeup on... But if my face looks too dry I then have to wash it again and reapply the makeup with moisturizer. Then it looks too shiny... Wash and reapply with less lotion.... Then I put my makeup on too heavy... Wash and put less on... Then it's not enough for the coverage I want.... And I'm sure you get the idea. This turns my face into an absolute desert. So dry that it actually hurts, that I can't make facial expressions, that the makeup will hardly even go on anymore... I mean this has got to end.....