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So today, August 4th 2012, I had another mental collapse. This would be the 5th one this week. This is my 10th week of Tretinoin cream, and boy let me tell you.. it’s helped. Unfortunately, however, not significantly enough. I looked in the mirror this morning, and I thought wow, this is getting better. Besides looking at the 6 or so pimples on my face, I could tell that my skin was looking so, so much better. Well, here’s the catch. After putting on some makeup and getting ready to go to the mall with my dad, I was disappointed when I looked in the mirror and saw that the makeup didn’t do such an excellent job covering my acne.. It was barely decent. So I figured, whatever.. I’ll just go out in public like this.. without much coverage. I entered the mall and my dad went off and I went to the Estee Lauder store, there, I told them I wanted their Double Wear maximum foundation. I was sure I would get pleasant results. The lady was very kind to me there, and she explained that that day she’d pamper me with skin care and make up. I was very excited! She sat me down in a chair, and began asking me about my skin care. Then she took some make up remover, and began taking off my make up. There were people walking by and I tried to close my eyes and hide my face, because I was ashamed of how I look. Well, afterwards, she told me to hold on, because she had to do work with someone else. And there I was, my acne covered face was just sitting there for everyone to see. I was sure it looked bad. And I was correct, I looked at myself in one of their well-lit mirrors and I could not have been more horrified. My entire face was red, and my acne scars stood out more than ever. I looked worse than a pizza, and I wanted to cry. She began to put moisturizer on my face, and all I could think was.. Oh my gosh. But the freaking make up on me so I don’t have to look like this please. She finally did, but sadly, it wasn’t quite enough. Even their BEST foundation still left my skin looking dotted with acne marks. I will admit though, it did cover a majority of it, but I looked pasty, there was no color in my cheeks. It wasn't a natural look..Not to mention how dry my skin was. I drove home almost in tears, my dad was completely oblivious. I thought, wow. School is in 10 days. And I look this awful.. It caused a weird anxiety, almost like I would’t meet a deadline. Which was true, in 10 more days I will still look like this.. I couldn’t believe it.This can’t be true. Tell me this is a nightmare! But no, it was reality. Painful Painful reality. I got home and I took off all that crap she put on my face. And there I looked at myself in my bathroom mirror, and my eyes leaked tears, There I looked at my once-beautiful skin, covered in red marks everywhere. All over my forehead, the sides of my cheeks, and my poor face couldn’t have looked worse. I honestly felt that I had no option whatsoever. If I didn’t use my tretinoin, my skin wouldn’t improve, but my skin wouldn’t be so dry. Oh and if I slept with moisturizer on my face, I’d probably break out. So honestly, I feel now, stuck in a lose-lose situation going nowhere fast. And I just wish I could go back to the days when I didn’t need face makeup. But those days are gone. And it’ll be light years until they come back. Being a 16 year old I know that my self confidence is lower than low. But please someone, help me, I can’t stand this anxiety. Ugh :(

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