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Trying to Deal

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Hey everyone i'm not feeling so down anymore in my last blog don't get me wrong i'm still feeling pretty shitty lol but after reading some of your messages i understand not to feel so down.

But just making this blog to say that i'm going to be starting my accutane journey i'm already 2months in i know kinda a bit late but i got 4more months to go so figure i might as well do it plus ill need some advice along the way. Ill prob be posting 1 every week with pictures and talking about side affects just stuff like that. But my biggest fear is scarring so here's praying/hoping i don't scar :)

Any Advise

I might as well start at the beginning when i lived out in England i had not bad acne at all well so people said but i don't know just seeing red spots on my face i dint like so i thought i was ugly and never really felt i could love myself or go out and do fun things even though i had like maybe 5 zits but then when i moved to Canada it started to get bad i moved form a normal acne person to mild acne to severe acne once i got severe she put me on acctane instead of having me on some cream i forget the name but anyways that helped me out it stared to clear up but once i hit the 1 month mark it blew out to the doctor didn't know what the hell it was it was so bad i could barley see from the swelling and all that gross stuff i was taken off it and put on tetracycline hoping it would bring it down but after 2months it didn't do much while all this was going on i was out of school so that's 3 months out of school. She then got 5 major dermatologist to look at me they put me on a steroid pill to bring the inflammation down and they put me on 10mg of acctane from there its been going down but once i started to see it go down i started to see this could scar me bad and i talked to the doctors they told me at best i'd have scars like my dads and my dads scars are really deep and noticeable and to top it off im still out of school its been 5months now and during these 5 months I've locked myself away in my house and haven't really left unless my dad gives me a ride to the doctors for my appointments other then that i stay indoors and never come out and even while i'm writing this now i can't believe I've been doing that i don't want to do this anymore i want to be the funny happy guy i was before i want to play football and try and get that scholarship i want to go out with the girls who thought i was hot before i got acne but now i can't see that happening i haven't work outed out for 5months so i got no shot at a scholarship anymore and what girls are going to want me with bad scarring and what makes it worse is i'm ashamed of myself for getting acne for not working out for my life to be ruined like this is hurts me so much knowing i would've been something but now i can't i really hate this acne and whats its done to my life my dad doesn't talk to me anymore its like hes disgusted with me my brother laughs at me while he lives his dream of becoming a pro boxer and my mom the only one who really cares is half way across the world TBH i have been thinking about killing myself for awhile now whats the point in living if i no longer feel like my old self and ill never be as good as i once was it just kills me the whole reason i wrote this was for someone maybe to help me out i doubt you will be able to but i'm at my breaking point i've talked myself out of it for 5 months now and ill keep trying to stay strong but i really just need someone's input right now. I haven't even looked at myself in the mirror in 7months i can't even remember what i look like anymore...I'm so sorry for writing a big thing like this i know most won't read it but i tired to shorten it down kinda hard to shorten down a year of my life :L

Thanks for reading this if you did.. and plz no hate

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