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About this blog

Acne, losing weight, finding natural skin care and a healthy organic lifestyle.

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My skin is finally looking nice. A few places here and there but they are supperficial at the most. I just finished my cycle and I didn't breakout on it so I'm wondering if I'll breakout afterwards. That sometimes happens. But either way, my skin has been doing really nice. The Tea Tree Oil must be what's doing it. I am activly trying not to pick at my face as well, I'v always noticed a big difference in my skin when I'v left it alone. It's the blackheads that always draw me back in. But I'v been trying to put Dan's AHA+ on my nose and blackhead prone areas at night and so far thats helping. I'm also exercising everyday and eating healthy, trying to lose some weight and clean up my system. Hopefully this last...I am just ready to be one of those makeup less girls....I hate being sticky and gross.
Its's been a while since I'v updated. My skins been doing "OK" on my current skincare. But its not perfect, and I still can't go around make up less, which is something I am dying to do. Especially this summer. Here's my dilema...I'v ordered Dan's Bp.....but I haven't started using it yet because I'm still hesitant to put all those chemicals on my skin and I'm aftraid it will break me out worse and all sorts of things. Also, I'v been useing a lot of tea tree oil in the past few weeks and my skin has been doing well with it, though still not perfectly clear. I'v read a lot if studys saying that Bp and Tea tree oil work just as well but it takes tea tree oil longer to work but you don't have all the bad side effects like with Bp. So. Should I keep up the Tea tree oil and see how it goes? Or hold my breath and give the Bp a shot? Any advice would be really appreciated.
My skin continues to do pretty well. I try to eat as healthy as possible, I don't pick at my skin, except for blackheads because they drive me crazy, but I'm trying to stop that because i know my skin will get better if I do. I'm exerciseing a lot and so far not much bacne besides the one or two spots. I had a big HUGE cyst on my chin this week tho..and I'm sorry to say I picked..but it hurt soo much and it was KILLING me! I HAD to get that crap out. But either way, its healing up now, theres just a small scab that I'm going to let go away on its own. I'v been dealing with some dry skin issues due to the winter weather I believe because I'm usually a oily monster. But I'm useing my Jojobia oil and its helping a lot. I'v been able to minimize my make up routine down to too things, CoverGirl Naturelux foundation and a old concealer stick I'v had forever. I don't even always have to use the concealer, and when I do, usually only 1 or 2 places..I hope by the summer all I'll need us a tinted moisterizer.[img][/img]
So,life is good right now [img][/img]
My skin is doing SOOOO good! I had no idea how not picking at my skin could be do so much for it!!!! It's incredible! My skin has been doing so well. [b][i]ONE[/i][/b] current pimple along my hairline.... Dan's AHA+ is my Holy Grail beauty product...I use it almost everynight. I love it! And my skin loves it! I'm also cleaning uo my diet (I'm not being too active on that though since its the holidays lol); no dairy, gluten, sugar or soy. Life is good [img][/img]
My skin is doing soo much better. This week it was alittle rough because I was on my period and I'd been eating like crap all week...(and the week before[img][/img] )...But its still like insanely better than my skin usually is!!!!!!!! The biggest thing that has helped my skin is not picking. I know a lot of people are like..yeah whatever and trust me. I use to think that. But seriously, that has helped my skin sooo much!!!![img][/img] I still pop the huge big inflamed white heads because they are just gross. And I admit..I have picked at the blackheads on my nose a bit....But I'm trying to stop with the black heads and be patient. I'v quit looking for things to pick at and I leave stuff a lone and it goes away faster!!! The AHA I'm usuing from is an amazing product!!!!! I love it!!!! I'm really loving my skin right now [img][/img]
My skin has been really good as of late ! I'm really liking it!![img][/img] I'v been changing a lot of stuff in a manner of speaking.
I'v been cutting out Guten, Soy and Dairy and trying to limit sugars (not going so well on that[img][/img] ). I'v also havnt been picking at my skin (a litlle 'whithead management" was nessessary at times ) But over all my skin just keeps getting better! I just started my period so I'll admit, I'm a little worried about what my skin is going to do but even if it freaks, I'll just wait out the storm [img][/img].

Also, I bought the Olay facial hair removing system for a few fine hairs on my face tht im OCD about, but I was wondering: will removing hair on my face make my acne worse? Any comments will be appreciated!
Delightfully, Me[img][/img]
It's been a while since I'v updated my blog but my skin has been doing really good latley. Any problems I'v had have mostly been me picking at my problem areas...[img][/img]
Right now I'm currently waiting for a few of those places to heal..but over all my skin has been really looking good!

Here's my current skincare regime:
*Wash face, tone with my toner (I make it myself: witch hazel, tea tree oil and lavendar oil), then go exercise(When I dont exercise I skip this step..obviously...)
*Shower : I use Neutrogena's Body Clear grapefruit 2% salacylic body wash on my body and Neutrogena Deep Clean Facial Cleanser (it has a Hydroxy acid in it and I LOVE it.)
* Splash face, dry and apply a mask (I'll leave a list of the ones I use at the bottom)
* Wash off mask and tone with toner, then apply a few drops of Cosmetic Skin Solutions Vitamin C 20% Advanced Formula + Vitamin C & Ferulic Acid (this really helps with healing and fading my scars as well as fine lines and protecting against UVA damage). I let that soak in for a few minutes.
*On days that I dont wear make up I put in Neutrogena oil-free moisture for sensitive skin (better than the one for oily skin) mixed with Vanicream SPF 60 Sunscreen (it feels greasy at first but after it soaks in its not).
*Yes to Blueberries Eye Firming Treatment (pat with my ring finger around my eyes and on brow bone).

Wash face with same cleanser, apply a mask if I didnt do it that morning (I never leave any of the masks on for too long), tone, and the either's AHA+ all over my face or stop treat with undiluted Tea tree oil and then Jojoba oil mixed with a few drops Lavender oil massaged into face.

Masks I use:
*Queen Helene Original Mint Julep Masque (Love the smell...and It has sulfer and zinc oxide in it too[img][/img] )
*Blackhead Eliminating Cleanser/Mask (2% salacylic acid..just started useing this one, I occassionally use this as a cleanser as well..occassionally.)
*Yes to Tomatoes Clear Skin mask (smells like baby powder honestly but I kinda like it? It has fruit acids in it and dea see mud to draw out impuritys).
Olay Professional PROx Clear Intensive Refining Sulfer Mask (10% sulfer!!!)
*I also have a tube of the Lerrosett mask left that I use occassionally as well.

I also occassionally use the scrub : Neutrogena Deep Clean Gentle Scrub with Beta hydroxy in it (it smells like sherbert ice cream and is like the BOMB[img][/img] )
AND I occassionally use simple's moisturizing facial wash.

So yea, there's my current regime. I don't really feel like writing down my makeup right now plus I'm still figuring out what I like so yea.....Hope this helps someone[img][/img]

2 things...1 I AM GOING TO stop PICKING MY FACE. even if it kills me. 2 I'm concedering usuing the Olay hair removing kit (I dont really have a hairy face or anything but I'm OCD and the fine hairs bother me). has anyone used this? what were your results? did it break you out? make your skin worse? any feedback would be appreciated!!!! Thanks!!!
My skin is making me happy right now. I'm wearing minimal make up and I actually look pretty good![img][/img]
I'm so happy with how fast my skin is clearing up after that breakout.
I did kind of fail and pick at my nose and around my mouth a little bit....[img][/img] But its those awful blackheads!!!!!!!! And clogged pores!!!!!! They just sit there tempting me!!!!!!!!!![img][/img]
But anyways...I am going to try to stop picking (how many times have I said that?..please nobody keep track..) I hope I will eventually quit.
So heres to trying!!!!![img][/img]
Ok, so I'm just finishing up my cycle and as always I'v experienced a breakout. But not as bad as they use to be...even though I went and picked my face to shreads which didnt help anything....
But the Spin Brush is really helping! It helps me heal and clear up alot faster I think.[img][/img]
Yet again, I know that if I could stop picking, my skin would be so much better. I AM going to try though. I promise.
I'm wondering if im drying my skin out too much and then just adding moisture to it..just a thought...I'll keep thinking..and NOT picking....
Ok so I'v been useing the Olay Spin Brush "thingy" for...a week now?? And I'v got to say. It's really working. I still have acne but it's getting better and considering where I am in my cycle my face is AMAZING.[img][/img]
I'm working on not picking and drinking more water, and I'm going to start using my nose strip things I got (by Biore) to help with the blackheads.[img][/img]
I also just bought some of Dan's[img][/img] AHA lotion and I'm going to try to incorperate it into my routine. I think that should help with my blackheads too. I'm also going to start back with the Jojoba oil and lavender oil/and or tea tree oil on my face at night. I had stopped because I ran out but I ordered some from Dan[img][/img] so when it gets in the mail (along with the AHA ) I'll start using them and we'll see how it goes...[img][/img]
Delightfully, ME[img][/img]
Ok, so I'v been useing the Olay Spin Brush PRO-X Spin Brush "thingy". And, I'm really impressed. I'm on my period and I usually have alot of hormonal acne going on about right now, but everywhere that they've threatened to popped up the brush ran them off!!!!!! I did go a little crazy on my nose last night...its just I can't STAND blackheads!!!!!!!![img][/img]
But, I'm really going to try and be patient and let the brush take care of it.
One thing I'v been thinking about and have decided to try is wearing artifical nails (slightly long. medium length) to keep from picking at my face. I don't know if it will STOP me. But I'm pretty sure it will make it a lot harder for me!!!!!

I got the idea from a girl I watch on youtube who has struggled with really bad acne. She's actually famous for it, shes been on the news and everything. Her name in Cassandra Bankson. She goes by diamondsandheels14. I LOVE her. She's like my hero[img][/img]
But at anyrate, I'm going to be trying that [img][/img] I just really want to stop picking..[img][/img]
Delightfully, Me[img][/img]
Ok. so the other day I purchased the Olay Pro-x Spin Brush. 32$ its like a clarsonic brush thingy. I used it last night and this morning and I have to say that first: I LOVE the way it feels. so soft and gentle[img][/img]
Second: I was really worried about the exfoliation making my skin worse, especially since I had picked at a few spots before I used it..[img][/img] didnt! If anything it made them better. I also had a place on my check that was staring to hurt and get red which ment I knew I was about to have either a massive pimple or a painful cyst (I only get them occassionally, but usually the week before "that time of the month", which this is.) But its almost gone!
Third: I had alot of cloged pores on my forehead which it brought to the surface which ok, I dont like but I know they would have popped up there anyways. I think the brush is just speeding up the process.
At any rate, I am [i]so far[/i] pleased with my results. I will continue to use it and I'll keep everyone updated. I'm prepared for a few days of purging if it happeneds, plus I also know that since I'm about to start my period my face is about to go down hill pretty fast...but I'm still going to give it a try.
Here's to lookin' at you kid..[img][/img]
Its been a while since I'v written, Life is so busy. Vacation was ok. I spent it wearing make up every single day before anyone saw me tho. My face was HORRIBLE.[img][/img]

But anyways..I'm trying not to pick at my skin in hopes of it getting better (I feel like I'v said this before).Its really hard when you have blackheads tho..ugh I hate them!!!!!!
But I'v got those blackhead removing strips I'm going to use..I'm also going to try to up my water intake. I know one of the reasons My skin is so bad is I'm yea.

Also...I'v been toying with wondering if I should go see a derm? I'v never gone beofre because I really don't want to be put on antibiotics. But at the same time..I'm really sick of this. And my skin is actually better than it has been..but i just cant take it anymore. I dont know what I'm going to do about that.

Anyways, I'm going back on my diet to lose weigh...I kind of fell of the wagon during vacation...I was too depressed about my face and I'm an emotional eater[img][/img]

But oh well..
Ok so my face is looking kinda ok. But it usually looks its best right before I start my period. I'm going on vacation soon and will be spending like a week at the beach and I have high hopes for the salt water and my acne.[img][/img]

I'v stopped using the AHA cream since I'm going to the beach and it increases sun sensitivity. So right now I'm useing Lavender oil instead and its really helping! [img][/img]

I'm also using real aloe vara gel (like straight from the plant) on my face. It feels so good[img][/img]

I'm planning on using my vacation as an oppertunity to lose as much weight as I can. [img][/img]

Well, here's to hoping!!!![img][/img]
I wish I could blame my hands for how my face looks. But I know its really my lack of self control. If I would quit picking at my skin I KNOW it would be so much better. But instead of stopping when I say I'm going to, I find myself in front of the mirror, hunting for any and everything I can possibly pick at. Then, when my face is oozing, red and sore, I blame my hands.

Is picking an addiction? I feel like it is. Either that or a mental disorder.[img][/img] I WANT to stop!!!! If i ever get rid of acne, my scars are going to be so awful I will go out and kill myself. I probably shouldnt say that. [img][/img]

SO...anyways I thought I'd update my "regime" since it's changed quite a bit.

Face on a normal day when no ones going to see me: wash with lerrosett salacylic acid 2%, mist with toner (my creation: witch hazel, a few drops of tea tree oil and lavender oil), sun block _ Neutrogena Pure and Free Liquid daily sunblock SPF 55(the one with Titanium Dioxide 7% and Zinc Oxide 3%), CeraVe lotion, then Clearasil Daily Clear Adult Acne Treatment Cream (tinted) with Sulfer 8% and Resorcinol 2% as a spot treatment.

Face when people are going to see me: wash and tone the same, sunblock and CeraVe, let set. Use primer sometimes, concealer always. Then mineral foundation and what ever eye make I want to wear (if i feel like any at all). I v been expperimenting with green concealers and primers lately. I think it all depends on how much you use. And you have to be careful to blend.

Back (when I remember): AHA cream on scars and any spots I have. Sunscreen on any place that will be seen my the sun (that goes for the rest of my body as well)

Face: Wash with lerroset face wash in shower, get out, sometimes use either lerroset mask that i have keft or the Olay Sulfer mask (14% i think), wash off, tone with toner, sometimes use AHA cream. Jojobia Oil with a few drops of lavender oil, let it soak in, then CeraVe lotion, and spot treat with the the same acne cream again or alittle bit of the sulfer mask. Just depends. I'v also been toying with putting nothing on there....Also i use Nutrogena Naturals makeup remover + cleanser before I use my face wash if i was wearing make up to begine with.

Back: wash with a boby wash containing salacylic acid 2% (I keep atleast 2 brands and switch every two days. I guess I'm scared one will quit working if I use it too long) mist with toner, Aveeno deep hydration cream stuff (its in a jar) then AHA cream on scars and any spots. Sometimes I do the AHA cream fist but I dont know if it really makes a difference.

So yea, thats it. You'd think with all that my face would be better. But maybe all that is keeping it from being like, REALLY BAD. I hope so, I'm trying to be optimistic.

As to diet, I'm going on a liquids diet. Water, tea, coffee, jucies, broth etc. I need to get my daily vitimens back in the mix too. And I'm going to start takin a b12 complex.
As to exercise, I'm trying to fit as much as I can in when I can. I wish I did more. But then again, I also wish I didn't pick my face...and that I didnt have acne to start with....[img][/img]
I am so tired of acne. Last night I was so depressed about things that had happened that day that I kind of took it out on my skin. AKA i picked it to DEATH.

BUT...supprisingly it doesnt look like it?!?!?!?!!? Like there's redness but no little bubbly white heads or huge swelling on the ones that wouldn't pop. I have no idea why that happened, but I am sooo thankful![img][/img]

Needless to say. I am still trying to do the no picking thing. Its so hard to do it with the ones that hurt tho! And that I know will go away faster if I pop them. But, I'm still going to try. Because its so gross if you think about it.

I'v been dealing with alot of dryness lately, I think it's because of both the sulfer and AHA products I'v been using. But I'v been countering this with Cerava (or Cerave..can't remember the right spelling lol [img][/img] ) and its helped a whole lot. I love that lotion. [img][/img]
My "bacne" is really doing better! I have one or two spots that the AHA cream and the Body Clear salacylic acid 2% body wash together are taking care of super fast! The AHA is really helping with my scars as well. I can notice improvement every few days. I try to apply the AHA morning and night, but sometimes I don't have time.

Another wonderful thing I have been doing is mixing a few drops of Lavender oil (anti viral, anti fugal, anti inflamatory) and Jojobia oil together and putting that on and letting it soak in before I moisterize sometimes. Aka when I'm not going to be wearing make up. I don't know if it would make me greasey but I dont want to take the chance.

I'm also using the Nuetrogena liquid sunblock pure screen thing that's just come out. I think it's like 7% titanium dioxide and 3 or 4% zinc oxide, doesnt clog pores etc and you can put under make up and moisterizers. Its SPF 55 which I love and it's working really good for me so far. It does leave a bit of a white cast but since I 'm as pale as the moon its fine. Plus when you moisterize it goes away.

Weight and Exercise wise I am 150 and have been making a effort to exercise and eat right but I havn't really been sticking with it. I also have been slacking on my water intake. It all makes me feel like a faiture. And I know I'm the only that can stop it. I wish I would.

Not so Delightfully, Me[img][/img]
So my right check is begining to show the signs of emerging disaster..[img][/img]
But I'm so drained of think about my acne I almost don't even care.
I'm going to try to stop picking at my skin. I don't think there's anything wrong with a little 'white head management' but I'v been really picking at like everything on my face. And it's really taking it's toll. So....I'm going to stop. Starting today. It's usually at night before my shower (or afterwards) that I pick. So I'm going to like write warnings all over my mirror or something. My scars, which are really just bad hyperpigmentation are starting to really get on my nerves. But I know they're my fault?

So no picking. No touching. Wear make up when I can. Never look in mirror when wearing glasses.
I'm going to get past this. I have to.

I'm getting back into exercising and eating right. I had kind of let all that slip when I went through a bad breakup.[img][/img]
But here's to hopeing for new things.
So I'm kind of down about my skin right now. Just because I'm tired of dealing with this..I'm tired of looking at people who have clear skin and dont have to wear make up. Don't have to worry about touching their face, going swimming, sweating, ANYTHING!!!!!!!

And the sad part is my skin really isnt that bad right now. My scars are tho. And I have alot of scars on my back from a random HUGE outbreak of bacne about 2 months ago. Like seriously. It was so weird. I get a few spots here and there in the summer but my back has always been clear. Its gone back to an occassional spot every now and then but I'm having to work with the scars...and of course it's summer...not that I'd look decent in a swim suit anyhow.

Speaking of swimming I'm trying to find a good waterprooff concealer/foundation to wear thats good for acne when I go swimming this summer. Because I'm not going in the water without it if any living soul is around.

I'm tired of the sun because I love to be outside but I dont want to burn, tan or anything so I have to stay inside alot and wear a TON of sticky sunscreen. My life feels like it just sucks right now. And I'm even tired of complaining. I just have alittle Hope that things will get better...someday?
OK. wow i'v been gone awhile, I honestly have no excuse except I'v been busy. [img][/img]
My face is looking really good right now, alittle red because I kind of went at it removing blackheads lastnight (I know, I;m ashamed of myself. Really!) Plus i'v been useing a AHA cream from...I can't remember the name of the place..But its natural and so good. It kind of burns my skin at first but it helps with my acne like you wouldnt believe! I put it on at night under lotion on my lerrosett rejuvinating serum and its like mini exfoliation, its awesome.[img][/img]
Speaking of lerrosett, I hate to say it hasnt cured my acne like I had hoped. But I still use the mask off and on. It helps heal up a popped pimple so fast! And its the best thing I'v found for cysts so far. But I dont get that many of those. I still use theyr face wash tho, I love it. But not as much as their rejuvinating serum.....[img][/img]
Two other things I'v intergrated into my regime is the Olay sulfer mask, the one that comes with the olay prox acne kit. I'm just using the mask right now but I love it. It's 10% sulfer. The reason I started using it is because I had picked up a tube of Clearasil Daily Clear Adult Acne Treatment Cream with Sulfer 8% and Resorcinol 2&. (this was the second thing). I love it. Plus Its tinted so I can out it on at night or on a make up less day and feel ok! [img][/img] but when I saw it working I started looking for something with sulfer in it. I'v also noticed that things for "Adult" acne work better for me than "normal" acne treatments. But maybe that just has to do with ingredients?[img][/img]
At any rate, I am very pleased.[img][/img]
I am going to try not to pick at my skin anymore. Usually I break out like crazy after I pick but this time the AHA seemed to stop it?[img][/img]

As to weight and exercise.,..Iv gained weight. I'm offically 150. Havnt exercised in Months. I'v been eating a TON of sugar and soooo unhealthy it isnt even funny. But I'm not staying like this. I Have a goal that by my birthday i will weigh 130. At the most. And before I head to college, I'll be 120. No options.
I pray for strength.[img][/img]
Delightfully, Me [img][/img]
Its been awhile since I'v posted anything but I'v been sick as a dog for I don't know how long. Right now I have a ear infection and I have optical Migrains on top of it all. [img][/img]
But an update for my face is, it's actualy doing ok. I'm recovering from a breakout right now. I swiched my multi vitamin to one a day womens with healthy skin support. It had something called Lution or Biotin or something in it and broke me out something AWFUL[img][/img]
As soon as I stopped my skin stopped breaking out and I'v been trying to heal it up.
Even if Lerosett never clears my skin I will always use it. It heals stuff up like nobodys business. And I LOVE the healing serum. Like LOVE it[img][/img]
As far as exercise and weight......I'v been sick. so don't judge me.
But I'm not giving up. God is my strenghth. He will fight for me.
Delighfully, Me[img][/img]
I havn't posted in a while because my life has just been too supper busy.[img][/img]
A summery of the past few days is I'v been following my normal routine and trying to eat as little and as healthy as possible. Those three pimple on the left side of my face became huge but are now almost dried up. I'v broken out inbetween my eyebrows and along my hair line, along with a few zits scattered here and there. But I think that it might have something to do with the fact that I switched my daily vitamin to One A Day Women's Plus healthy Skin. And I'v started taking 140 mg of milk thistle at night. It's suppose to help cleanse your liver of toxins. Plus I always break out the week before my period. Though that would mean it was coming early? I think??[img][/img] Ugh my brains too tired to get anywhere.
I'm considering going down to 1 mask a day because my other therory for this break out is that I'm [b]over[/b] masking (is that a word?). But if i do that, I'll do it tomorrow. I'm deff. going to start doing the mask for only 10 minutes. And I'm thinking about stopping the Milk thistle.....Life is so confuseing. Why does it have to be that way....
My break out isn't as bad as it could be. I'v had worse. But, I don't know...I guess I was just getting use to clearer skin. I didn't go to church tonight. I wanted to keep my spot treatment on my eyebrows because I went and popped them[img][/img] .
I'm just trying to keep faith and Look to Christ throughout all this. This isn't the end of the world. This is a one world problem. There are so many people all around the world who have real problems. My dad was telling me about the Nubian people who are being bombed and starved by the North Sudenese. They are trying to drive them out of the mountian region that separates the North and South. The South Sudan just became a Nation back in July and they have problems too.
So in the grand sceme of things, acne isn't a problem. I wish I wasn't so self centered. I wish I could truly say tonight that I was,
Delightfully, Me.
Fight for me Lord, please forgive me and help me to glorify you! Be with the people all around the world that are crying for help.[img][/img]
Summery of day 7: Things went ok, people have been telling me my face is doing better but I wonder if they're just saying that because they know I'm trying a new thing and they want to make me feel better or if they really see an improvement?[img][/img]
That morning (Thursday) I washed witht the cleanser, used the Lerosett clay mask for 15 minutes, toned, put on Badgers SPF 15 spot treated and then cleaned house like a mad woman. Along with laundry. I didn't use the healing serum because I knew I was going to be washing my face and puting make up on around 4ish. Which is what I did, I washed, put on Olay complete sensitive skin SPF 15, Almay Clear Complextion Concealer and then dusted my face over with e.l.f Mineral Blemish Powder, then some eyeshadow and curled my eyelashes.

Usually I dont wear make up when its just the guys coming over but when it's mixed company (aka other girls) I feel like I have to. When I'm with guys they just kind of except me, but girls make me feel so...I don't know. Inferior. They all have awesome skin and they know they're good looking and that guys like them. They're tall,slender, dark hair, dark eyes, tan skin, great skin, white get the picture. I'm the opposite. And guys relate to me that way. They look at them like they're [b]WOMEN. [/b]They look at me like I'm a woman.[img][/img] I could have two huge white heads on my face and they'd never notice but if one of them walks in a room with a small red pimple around 'that time of the month' they all notice. They see me differently.

But enough with the self-pity[img][/img]
I removed my make up with olive oil (I'm still trying to get the hange of it ), then washed with the cleanser, mask for 25 minutes, toned, healing serum, Then wore Badgers SPF 15 to bed. Alot of people think this is weird but I [b]LOVE [/b]it! The ingrediants are [b]soooo[/b] good for your skin! Then I spot treated with the mask and went to bed. I have 3 big pimples coming up on the side of my left cheek but I'm spot treating ad they havent gotten any bigger so who knows.

Day 8 (today)
I still havn't washed my face, I'v been too busy cleaning up after last night and washing laundry (I do laundry for my guy friends that share an appartment. Its cheaper that them using the coin up). I'm going to do my usual routine, and I'm trying to decide about make up. I'm going to my grandparents house overnight and they always give me pain about my skin, because I'm the only one in my family who has acne. But I just feel like My skin needs a breather. Especialy seeing as I'm going to be wearing make up saturday and sunday[img][/img]
Oh well, We'll see.

As far as food goes, I didn't do well yesterday. It is so hard to try to lose weight when you have guy friends that say stuff like "why are you trying to lose weight, your perfect. Have another taco. Oh, and you [i]have[/i] to try this dessert". My mind always wants to believe them when they say I'm perfect. But I know I'm not. I'm not 'fat' but I'm at the high end of 'plesantly plump'. I need more control.

Breakfast: Oatmeal with orgainc Blue Agave Syrup.

Lunch:I will eat a salad.

Dinner: try to eat as little of my grandmothers southern cooking as possible.

Exercise wise, I'll walk on her treadmile tonight. I think I'v found the treadmill for me on craigslist too! I'm so excited! And it's in my price range!!!
The [b]LORD[/b] is too good to me. [img][/img]

Delightfully, Me[img][/img]

P.s I'm sorry this entry was so self centered[img][/img]
Last night I did my usual routine but I also did a honey mask for a little while while I was in the shower. I just felt like my skin needed some pampering[img][/img]
I haven't worn make up all week except for sunday, its been hard going around and catching my scared up face in every mirror, pot and pan (and anything else that reflects an image) but I have hope that this will not be my future. Thankfully my scars are really just severe hyperpigmentation (aka 'redmarks'). I think I can see I might have one or two of the other kind (this is like the first time in years I'v been able to see this much of my face when it wasnt covered by something) but they dont look deep so I'm not too worried.

My forehead has decided to join the rest of my face in purgeing, but I suppose thats better that clogged pores. Atleast that's what I'm trying to convince myself of. I did my same routine this morning, I left the mask on for almost 20 minutes though because I was cleaning the bathroom and lost track of time. I do not recommend this. It left my face rather red for like 3 hours. Not a big confidence booster to say the least.[img][/img]
Highlight of day (so far) a friend said my skin looked smoother than she'd seen it in a while. Normaly I would have been offended that anyone dared to comment on my skin but since I had been worrying about how rough I [i]thought[/i] it had been getting, her words were [b]deeply[/b] appreciated[img][/img]

Last night I had a small sweet potato, water and alot of green grapes.
This morning I had [i]way too many[/i] bisicuts and jelly (healthy jelly though)
I had a snack of green grapes
For lunch I had a mug of beef vegatable soup and flat bread and an apple.
For dinner I'm going to have a bowl of red lentil soup[img][/img]

I'v been praying that God would send me someone to help me be accountable with my eating. Its really hard for me. I'v never had a healthy relationship with food. I'v had alot of family pressure about my looks (and being the only one with acne hasnt helped), I was bulimic for all of my middle school years and even though I was able to quit I kept my binging habits and ended up gaining alot of weight. I went from 88lbs to 145[img][/img] I know I can never go back to being bulimic, I can't stand to throw up anymore. When I had the stomach flu last winter I would pass out everytime I threw up because it grossed me out so much. Even since I'v become a christian I have struggled with ana tendencys. I even was for about 4 months. But I'm learning to place my trust in the[b] LORD[/b]. Not in my image, not in some crazy lifestyle. I want to find my beauty in [b]Him[/b]. But I also want to be healthy and not over indulge on food. To exercise in moderation and be fit, and to have a clear healthy complection so that I'm not so consumed about my looks. I don't want to become obsessed with it all though. I dont want to lose sight of the real goal; the purpose of my life. To glorify God.

I'm not sure why I shared all that. I wasn't planning to. It was just heavy on my heart. Please, if you have anything mean to say to me, or make fun of me or tell me how stupid I am, please don't. And if you don't agree with me, thats fine. It's your opinion. This is my personal blog. I'm not trying to shove my beliefs down anyones throat, if you read this, your reading it because of you, not me. I'm not making you read it or agree with me. But I also have the freedom to have my beliefs and to believe them.
I also hope no one condems me for my past. I was weak, I still am. Life is hard, but Christ is my strength, which is how I can say that I am, and will always be,
Delightfully, Me[img][/img]
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