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About this blog

A place to lay my thoughts to rest.

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So, I started taking Spironolactone at 100mg five days ago and I'm kind of excited to start seeing some results. I know it takes most people over two weeks to see anything occur, so in the meantime...patience is key. I'd like to be clear by the end of this summer, if not sooner, so I can get ActivFX for my scarring. I haven't had any negative side-effects from this yet (e.g. frequent urination, wonky periods, fatigue, dizziness or nausea), but only time will tell. Maybe I'll be one of those lucky few that only reaps the benefits of spiro. Positive thoughts and prayer. eusa_pray.gif

Everywhere I go I witness the socially acceptable people shunning the downtrodden; people with mental problems gawked at in fear, people with disfigurements cruelly stared at or rudely overlooked, impoverished people avoided at all cost to the onlooker, even the uniquely dressed mercilessly criticized. It's the same fear-driven society everywhere I go. People boxed and contained and bottled until they believe the label put on them defines them.

Something that has always bothered me is the fact that this caste system is quietly accepted by so many, and yet, we all suffer by it. Especially the "socially accepted" who are often crammed into a perfect little bubble of a life, too afraid to move or breathe for fear of insulting perfection; a suffocating ideal and a heartbreaking expectation. It's no wonder so many are depressed because of their acne!

We all feel like we're letting people down because of the way we look, when in all reality, it's society that's letting us down, lying about what true beauty is; and no, it's not always physically appealing. True beauty to me is someone who is honest and at peace with themselves and the world. It should bring light into the room through conversation and laughter, and it should never shun a person because of their shortcomings.

But all too often, this isn't enough for many. But I believe people can change for the better if given the opportunity; compassion comes from understanding pain and recognizing the need of so many by seeing it in themselves. I believe in my heart that acne has the ability to open our eyes to the beauty underneath the "monsters" of society. If you embrace the concept that beauty isn't in a bottle, or showcased in a magazine or on a runway, that it doesn't always live elegantly and get everything it desires, and that it may not be pleasing to any of the senses, you will have the opportunity to embrace true beauty in it's many shapes and forms.

Don't conform to the label. Free yourself by freeing other's of your expectations of them!

Not Alone.

It's hard to go anything in life alone. But when YOU are the reason for this predicament, loneliness is second to guilt.

I believed that my disfigured face was the catalyst for people writing me off; but oh, how wrong I've been. When you focus on all of the bad, the negative, the ugly in life, including the way you appear, you become consumed by those things.

You become the people that told you that you were less. You become the people that see only the shallow reflection of a person's soul marked on their face instead of in their heart. You make your loss everyone else's by taking yourself out of the equation.

Once you realize that you're not alone in your suffering, that others feel just as ugly and less than, your problems seem somewhat smaller and less difficult. None of us that suffers is alone in it. To suffer is human; beautiful in the way of building character and strength and love, but only if you choose to share the burden.

Choose to have a voice, a helping hand, and an open heart.

My acne is the same: moderate with the occasional cyst.

Though I'm pretty sure most of the "acne" is in fact scarring from the past two years.

I have recently started experimenting with lactic and glycolic peels

(the glycolic is too harsh for my sensitive skin) and I've noticed slight improvement

in the depth of the scars at over 70% unbuffered.

I've also started to use Sulphur 6% again for overnight spot treatment (Proactiv)

b/c my skin cannot handle B.P. and most Salicylic Acid washes and treatments.

Natural products tend to break me out as well and anything too irritating reds me.

My mum has rosacea and we believe I have acne rosacea

b/c of the flushing and breakout that follows.

Sometimes my face hurts so much I literally cannot smile.

I've tried numerous "skin diets" with little to no improvement.

I've been on the wrong kind of Birth Control. That was Hell.

BUT, I'm going to keep on trying new things! It really couldn't hurt to try.

Or maybe it could...eusa_shifty.gif

BTW, this is moi last year. I occasionally model for my sister.

I design fascinators and clothing and I adore make-up design.


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