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My struggle with acne

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So I have to say I never thought I would have been a skin picker. As selfish as it probably sounds I just HATE my skin and if it were an option I'd get a face transplant, because the damage and red marks from acne and my bad habit have just made my self esteem about as low as it gets. Its not even just the marks, its the hassle of trying to cover them, them drying up, then peeling/ flaking off and or bleeding entirely. I am exhausted and I just want to learn to love myself despite this but don't know where to begin. I don't want this to ruin my great relationship with my bf or any of my friends im making in school. I think If i never experienced this I'd be a much much happier person. Sorry for the rant everyone I've honestly just had enough and I know giving up isn't an option I'm just tired of being miserable all the time. I am on accutane but I don't think its doing much good this time around cause most of what I have now isnt even acne, its all damage marks and uneven skin tone. blahhhhh.

Month 2 Accutane Update

So I hate to be the bearer of bad news but my skin SUCKS. I have red marks on my ENTIRE face and pretty much hate myself at the moment... also am pretty downed at having to wear 3 layers of makeup and still look like crap. I am currently on 60 mg a day and it isnt doing anything besides drying my face out beyond belief.. plus I picked at a spot and now it looks 20 times worse than it did to begin with.. I hope this gets better? For people who have been where I have in this treatment.. does it get better? I still have 4 more months and I don't want to be bumped up to 80 mg a day mainly bc of cost. I hope that time helps all this heal/ fade majorly... I wash with cetaphil and moisturize daily with cera ve.... HELP!

Day 18 Accutane

Ok so heres the deal, most of my skin has already improved tremendously... However I havent been using moisturizer so I should probably go get some... these peeling red marks are AWFUL in certain places... I'm hoping with time and in a few more months of treatment they'll go away? bc the skin is healing funny like wrinkly and then peeling off and being red again... does that make sense? I also still have alot of closed comedones but hopefully in time the meds will purge those too? overall texture and appearnce is much better.

Day 3 Accutane

Well as you probably predicted, nothing new has happend! Besides I have one pimple on the side of my face, I think from the meds. Is it sad that I am excited for the Initial Breakout to happen full force? Just so everything inside of my faces gets out for good and the real healing begins. Once again as a reminder, I am on 40 mg. I am not sure if my dosage will change as the months go on, we shall see. I have been using cetaphil gentle face wash, and havent yet needed the aquaphor for my lips. My derm told me the dryness should start within the 10th day of being on the meds. I feel relaxed and happy, and am enjoying treatment so far :)

:*( So Mad At Myself

Today was going suprisingly well. I my face wasnt even that bad. and then , I picked. Just a little while ago. It wasnt even that bad but i am so mad at myself i cant believe i let this happen again, it is by far the worst vicious cycle ever. I thought I was going to have an excellent week, i even got my nails done today, and now this! So much for feeling good about myself... tonight sucks :*(

Have you ever had those days where you have just gone through so much, that you let all the anger and sadness go, and have trouble remembering what ever made you mad in the first place? 11 days til accutane smile.png can't wait... excited to know that one day I will have it all back together again smile.png Life is hard, but its the struggles that make us stronger. I've also found that being more confident with myself, i will no longer feel the need to define myself by other people. I won't have to rely on people that aren't worth it just to get me by. Instead I can help listen to other people. It is also that time of the month so I guess that explains all my recent breakdowns.. ahh the joys of hormones. I guess I have trouble giving time, well... time. I know that someday I will look back on this and it may seem insignifcant in the grand scheme of things, but I will never forget what it taught me and how it helped shape who I am today. I am blessed with a wonderful family and a wonderful group of friends, and am making positive changes one day at a time. I have had times to shine, and there will always be more of those times to come, when God feels I am ready. I know he won't give me anything I can't handle, sometimes I wish he didn't trust me so much tongue.png anyways I'm off to go out for the day doing some career shadowing so have a wonderful day everyone! biggrin.png

So I've found that wearing coverup on my acne makes me feel a little bit better. I have had about 3 meltdowns this week over various things regarding my skin, and I am stopping myself right now for a matter of reasons.I have been looking back on old photgraphs on my skin a few years ago, right before I went on accutane,and right after. The results were fabulous, and therefore I am forcing myself to believe that they will be just as good when I'm done accutane my second time, especially because I will be on a higher dose.I have no right to feel sorry for myself considering so many other people in the world have much worse problems then I do, things that can't be changed, and I am lucky enough to have my problem potentially be removed forever. I think I am doing better with trying to be optimistic, but these mood swings have been very stressfull. It has taken quite a toll on my relationships with my parents especially because it tires them out to see me miserable all the time. I am just going to focus, for the next 12 days, completley on how excited I am for my medicine, knowing that every day I am one step closer to having beautiful skin, and a normal life. I am not going to pick my face, and I am going to drink alot of water. I'm going to get excited, buy cetaphil face wash, cera ve moisturizer, and a shitload of aquaphor for my lips, and know that I am a good person despite how acne has affected who I am. I will let this make me a better person, and help other people who have gone through it too.

My Acne Dysmorphia

I have the worst time with this condition, any spots on my face that I get at all completley lead me to believe that my face is abnormal disgusting, and ugly. I always see myself in the worst possible way. I am tired of it :(

You know those moments when you simply forget all the pain and sadness you have harbored because of your skin? It's kind of nice. These next 2 weeks are dragging by so painfully slowly. If I could have 3 things in my life happen right now I would just stay home the next 6 months, sleep, eat and take my accutane, recover and emerge as a new version of myself. That would be wonderful. I wish I could just pause life to fix myself and blend in with it more.

You know those moments when you simply forget all the pain and sadness you have harbored because of your skin? It's kind of nice. These next 2 weeks are dragging by so painfully slowly. If I could have things in my life happen right now I would just stay home the next 6 months, sleep, eat and take my accutane, recover and emerge as a new version of myself. That would be wonderful. I wish I could just pause life to fix myself and blend in with it more.

I swear I am bipolar. This is just not my day to win... To begin with, I am miserable because I picked a teeny bit on a spot at my face and it oozed a little, It made me so upset that I burst into tears... Pathetic, I know. Ya know when you cry and you just the whole time worry about how much worse your skin is getting as the tears are running down you're face? I hate it, I hate this misery. I just splashed some cold water on it and then put on a bit of concelear and powder so I can pretend my flaws arent there any more. The acne infused life of a perfectionist is absolutley insane. Anyone ever felt this way?

15 Days Left To Wait

I picked at a few blemishes on my face today :( Grr So mad at myself. I can't wait to have the sweet satisfaction of knowing I am on a medicine that will fix my unhappiness. I'm tired of being sad and a bother to those around me,at least at home. I have to give myself credit though because I can always force a smile to a stranger. I want to be remembered as the girl who could always brighten up your day even if I couldn't brighten up my own, thats just how I operate. Failed a math test today. Yep, swell. Oh well, at least I'll have clear skin someday. As for a career? Workin on it.

I guess you could say one minute my skin and I are getting along smoothly and the next It makes me so aggrivated that I just wanted to scream! I think I get more aggrivated when I pick at my skin because I know I'm the reason for all of my own unhappiness and damage. It's funny to think that although none of us believe it, no one is perfect and we are all suffering from something whether it be on the inside or the outside.. I have been making an effort to realize that even though I will have minor scarring and some imperfections when I'm done my Accutane treatment that it is the overall change and skin improvement regarding texture, tone, and amount of acne I should be concentrating on, not pure perfection. I guess I am just way too hard on myself, however I am a virgo and therefore I am anylytical and over think everything :) Any body else like this?

I guess you could say one minute my skin and I are getting along smoothly and the next It makes me so aggrivated that I just wanted to scream! I think I get more aggrivated when I pick at my skin because I know I'm the reason for all of my own unhappiness and damage. It's funny to think that although none of us believe it, no one is perfect and we are all suffering from something whether it be on the inside or the outside.. I have been making an effort to realize that even though I will have minor scarring and some imperfections when I'm done my Accutane treatment that it is the overall change and skin improvement regarding texture, tone, and amount of acne I should be concentrating on, not pure perfection. I guess I am just way too hard on myself, however I am a virgo and therefore I am anylytical and over think everything :) Any body else like this?

Having Faith

Hello everyone, so I am very excited to inform that there is only t minus 17 days til I pop my first accutane pill... I am so very excited and deciding not to be miserable because it helped my skin last time. I mean it healed EVERYTHING. INCLUDING OLD PIMPLES, IMPETIGO SYMPTOMS, ACNE, RED MARKS, CUTS YOU NAME IT! SO I'm gonna stay positive and not listen to a single negative thing people tell me about it, because if it worked on what was there before it will work again. And I AM SO FRIGGIN READY!

So Upset Need Advice

So I don't know about everyone else out there.. but for those of you who are waiting to start accutane, how do you cope? i'm literally doing everything I can just to get by right now and it's the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. I cried my eyes out last night because after washing my face it got all blistery and oily and I just got so mad. I'm the kind of girl who is always making everyone else happy so its just hard to keep my game face on for another 3 weeks. So my question is this, how did you/ are you coping with waiting for the medication. Theys ay the end is in sight but I'm having a really hard time staying positive.

I am an 18 year old female, who will be starting accutane for the second time next month. I am very excited but also nervous. Now before everyone asks, my acne is mild but very persistent. Half the problem is my issues with messing with my skin. I overwash, pick, etc. It's horrible. Thats probably how my acne came back anyway. The first time I went on it (2 years ago) my entire face purged itself of everything in it and within a 6 month course of 10, 20, then 30 mg I had completley clear skin ( minus some minor scarring ) but I am so excited to be starting again and to regain my confidence. Waiting is the hardest part but I will try and keep a monthly progress log since I didnt do such a good job last time, I am debating posting pics. I will be on a 40 mg to start with 6 month course, and my dosage may increase as my treatment continues. FIngers crossed for a miracle! I would appreciate any replies/ comments/ questions advice. Feel free to reply :)

Source: Starting Accutane ( For The Second Time)

day 22

Skin looking much better. Initial breakout sucked. Lots of inflames whiteheads all around my mouth and forehead it was bad. But now i have like 2 cysts on my chin and one or two scabs from whitheads tht have popped in the shower, near my mouth. Quite a few scars on my forehead and my nose. But whatever, its still quite an improvement, i go to the derm again next wednsday, so ill kepp ya'll posted. Having trouble uploading pics... so there may not be any for a while!

Day 3

Okay, so im on my 3rd day of 30mg of accutane. Not really any side effects yet, have been using aquaphor on my lips and cetaphil gentle cleanser in the morning and right after that cetaphil moisturizer. Went swimming today, which irratated my skin a lil, but used lots of sunscreen before hand ao i should be fine. Breakin out a lil more too... no worries though, im just gonna stay focused on the end result!

ACCUTANE

Hey there! Just ttok my first accutane pill. I am on this for mild to moderate acne and ive been perscribed 30mg a day for the first month! Here goes nothin!