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Missing Out

Posted by acl94536, 25 September 2013 · 127 views

So homecoming is this Friday at my school. Needless to say, I will not be attending. I used to love putting on makeup, doing my hair, and putting on a nice dress. I wanted to be a cosmetologist for the longest time. I'm pretty good with doing other girl's makeup and hair. It's like an art form--painting someone's face. I like the feeling of making one someone feel beautiful. Makeup isn't what makes a girl beautiful of course, but it enhances her true beauty. Unfortunately, when I put on makeup, I don't view it that way. It's one thing to apply foundation to a girl with flawless skin. It's completely different when I apply it on my acne infested face. I have to cake on the makeup in attempt to hide. When I wear makeup, it is not to enhance any beauty of mine. The sole purpose is to cover up and hide and even I can't completely hide everything. I'm pretty sure everyone on campus knows I have an acne problem. 
Anyways, I'm depressed that I can't attend any of the events I want to because of my acne. I know it is technically my choice to not attend but there's no point since I'll just be miserable anyway. I'll feel self-conscious the whole time: worried that everyone is staring at my acne. I know I am probably exaggerating and no one usually notices or stares that hard, but that's no comfort. I want to feel pretty when I make an effort to go out, and I just don't have that luxury.
In fact, I even postponed my engagement to my boyfriend because of my acne. There's NO WAY I am taking wedding pictures with my face how it is now and I don't want to be photoshopped either. If the acne doesn't go away, I simply won't get married, plain and simple. That may sound stubborn and honestly stupid, but I can't help it. I'm diseased. Not only do I look diseased on the outside, but it's messing with my head, so I'm diseased on the inside now too. It's a shame really, because people used to say how pretty I was. I don't get that at all anymore. If I do, it's from people who are biased (i.e. family and my boyfriend). Friends are non-existent because of my social anxiety due to my acne. It's so bad that if a bus or train is too crowded, I'll wait another hour to get on another one because I don't want people getting too close and seeing my flaws. I know I probably need professional help, but I simply can't afford it. Besides, if the acne went away, I know that eventually I would go back to normal. It might take awhile, but it would happen. 
I don't think the acne is going away anytime soon. Sure, I've only been on the new birth control for about two weeks, but I just give up. It isn't gonna happen for me. I'll be one of those 40 year olds with acne until that is replaced by wrinkles. 
I've thought about accutane but I'm pretty sure my acne isn't classified as "severe" enough. Plus, I already have so many mental problems going on in my head, that a drug like accutane would probably drive me insane with depression. I can't afford for that to happen. 
Well sorry for the rant, and if anyone actually took the time to read through this, well bless your heart.
 
 




You don't have to have severe acne to go on Accutane. People who have moderate acne that has resisted topicals and antibiotics are also candidates for Accutane. 

 

I have dealt with moderate acne for several years and have come to learn that for the most part, I can't really control my skin and that people will typically look past it, especially if your personality shines through. I think being a beautiful person has more to do with what's inside of you than what's on the outside.

 

But hey, if you don't want to go to your dance because you know you'll be self-conscious about it, then that's fine. Just don't sit around sad about it. Perhaps you and your boyfriend could have your own private dance at home so you can still have an experience but not be worried about what others think.

 

You're so young, I hope you can get over your anxiety and find something that works for your acne.

 

By the way, there are only certain birth control pills that help acne. I hope you have checked into that before you started on one.

 

Good luck!

For a moment I thought that I had written this.  I know how hard it is.  I had been looking forward to a holiday with my boyfriend for months and didn't go because of my skin.  Even now my acne is calming down, I still have the red marks and some shallow scars to deal with.  I am going to my doctors today to get some mild anti depressants.  I was on them before and they did help, I only know that because now I am not using them I feel worse, there isn't any shame in them....so many people I know take them.  I'm not sure what treatment you are on, but diantte (diane 35) birth control has really helped me, along with differin.  It's hard enjoying things when you know good clear skin felt..just know you're not on your own, I know these words don't really help, but it helped me a bit to know I wasn't the only person going through it as it really seems like that sometimes. xx

Hey there! (:

  I love reading your posts and I have the exact same view on makeup. Its so much fun to do other people's makeup and enhance natural beauty. 

  I may not be able to change your mind, but I really think you should consider going to your homecoming. Plenty of teenagers have acne, even if you feel they don't understand what you're going through. I used to have moderate acne that seemed like it would never go away and I let it rule my life. Instead of thinking that you won't be able to look pretty, realize that you are pretty. Your profile picture is gorgeous, and acne can't take that away from you! 

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