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Day 9: Scared

Posted by thatwillnotfly, 01 May 2013 · 260 views

skin picking dermatillomania recovery emotions
Maybe I should call it "worried" or "anxious" or something that makes me sound less like a five-year-old. But that's exactly how I feel right now. Scared, like a little kid, alone in the dark, not sure whether or not there really is a monster hiding behind my bookshelf.
 
Anyway, right now, I'm standing on the precipice of a major shift in my career that will drastically change my lifestyle for the next several years. And even though I'm happy that I have the opportunity to be doing what I'm doing, I'm also dreading it and scared.
 
I'm scared, because I won't get to see my husband very much, and he's my whole world.
And I'm scared because the work I'm going to be doing is challenging emotionally and physically.
And I'm scared because I know, at least at first, that this change in my is going to hurt. A lot. I'm afraid of the pain. And what if I go into this situation, and it turns out I'm miserable? How am I going to handle it?
 
It's moments like these where I find myself reaching up to touch my forehead and my cheeks, running my fingers absent-mindedly over my jawline, and starting to scratch at stray bits of extra dead skin, if any. I touch my face just to "check," because I feel like I have to know if I'm breaking out. So when I force my hands back down, I also remind myself that sometimes it's ok to just let the unknown be unknown. And that whatever happens, I'll handle it. I hope.




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