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Day 1: Commitment

Posted by thatwillnotfly, 24 April 2013 · 502 views

recovery skin picking dermatillomania compulsive emotional psychological reasons for picking
Hi, everyone.
 
Today I am making a commitment, to myself, to all of you, and to the rest of the cosmos, that I am going to stop picking my skin. It's something I've struggled with for years. My skin is essentially clear, except for a few clogged pores, and even these are enough to trigger hours of scrutiny and self-harm.
 
Tonight, I have two open sores on my chin, my most sensitive and triggering area. I was touching my face as late as this afternoon. But I made it through my shower and my skin care regimen without scratching or picking. I want to go touch my face right now, but I won't.
 
Instead, I'm going to work on rebutting the unconscious (and to some extent conscious) rationales that drive me to pick at my skin. Today, and hopefully in the next few days as I begin this journey, I will address each of these beliefs.
 
These beliefs are, in no particular order:
  • Clear skin is beautiful, acne is disgusting
  • Acne is a punishment for not doing everything right
  • It’s not fair that I get acne, because I try so hard
  • If I leave it alone, it’s never going to get better
  • If I succeed in picking at it, then it’s better immediately
  • I deserve to be ashamed of the picked wounds I cause
  • I am destined to pick at my skin
And my rebuttals, at least for tonight.
  • Clear skin is beautiful, acne is disgusting
    • Clear skin is nice, but acne is not the end of the world. My acne is not disgusting, and it is not shameful. It just is what it is.
  • Acne is a punishment for not something I should not have done
    • The causes of acne are complex. Even if I ate a scone, or leaned on my chin, or didn't properly apply enough benzoyl peroxide, and could somehow prove that this was the direct cause of a breakout rather than merely speculating, this does not mean that I deserve to have acne.
  • It’s not fair that I get acne, because I try so hard
    • I do try hard, and in that respect it isn't fair, but it is still my responsibility to treat my acne properly.
  • If I leave it alone, it’s never going to get better
    • It will get better, and I have to trust that. My body is a terrific healer, but I have to be patient.
  • If I succeed in picking at it, then it’s better immediately
    • This is a dangerous game. Sometimes, it's better immediately, but the act of picking has irritated the surrounding skin, potentially leading to future breakouts. The cost is never worth the benefit.
  • I deserve to be ashamed of the picked wounds I cause
    • There is no dishonor in being human. And right now, this minute, is the chance to make a fresh start.
  • I am destined to pick at my skin
    • No, I am not. I can make the choice to let my skin heal, and to accept its imperfections.
 
I will write it again, for my own sake:
The cost is never worth the benefit.
The cost is never worth the benefit.
The cost is never worth the benefit.
 




Amen!!

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