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thatwillnotfly's Blog



Day 25: "i Used To Pick My Face"

Posted by thatwillnotfly, 16 May 2013 · 528 views
acne, dermatillomania and 2 more...
I have a large...plug. It's sticking out of my cheek, in fairly close proximity to my mouth. It's just that. A hard, waxy plug, sticking up from a pore. I reach up to run my hands over my face, and I feel it there. So far, I have not picked or scratched at it, but man have I come close. I even tried "drying off" my face with an extra rub with the towel ri...


Day 19: Whatever It Takes

Posted by thatwillnotfly, 10 May 2013 · 429 views
acne, skin picking and 2 more...
So I've been reflecting a little bit more on how it is that I've managed to make it more than two weeks at this point (!) without picking, squeezing, scratching, or otherwise disturbing my face's irregularities. And I think if I had to pick just one thing that has been the most critical to my "success" (I have so far overcome picking, but not the urge to...


Day 18: Always More

Posted by thatwillnotfly, 10 May 2013 · 483 views

I can't believe it's been 18 days since I made the commitment not to pick at my skin. By and large, it's been a smashing success. If by success, I mean that my face is finally clear enough that I don't feel the need to go stare at it every six seconds.  I still...reach up to touch it. I have a big plug sitting in one of the pores on my damn nose...


Day 9: Scared

Posted by thatwillnotfly, 01 May 2013 · 278 views
skin picking, dermatillomania and 2 more...
Maybe I should call it "worried" or "anxious" or something that makes me sound less like a five-year-old. But that's exactly how I feel right now. Scared, like a little kid, alone in the dark, not sure whether or not there really is a monster hiding behind my bookshelf. Anyway, right now, I'm standing on the precipice of a major shift in my career th...


Day 8: All In My Head

Posted by thatwillnotfly, 30 April 2013 · 566 views
acne, recovery, picking and 3 more...
First, on the positive side: I've been 99.999% successful in not picking at my face. And I throw the less-than-100% in there because I removed a tiny bit of dead skin from a healing spot. I'm not perfect. But I'm trying my best. And at the end of the day, I guess that's all I can do. It's hard for me to explain in words how difficult this has been. I...


Day 6: Fatalism

Posted by thatwillnotfly, 28 April 2013 · 459 views
acne, dermatillomania and 3 more...
I should be happy right now. My face is probably the clearest it's ever been since I was 12. And yet, all I can focus on are the imperfections: the lingering red marks where picked-at cysts are still healing and peeling. The scarred areas. My face has been super-duper dry in the last couple of days, so I tried something new this evening: a barely-the...


Day 5: Nightmare

Posted by thatwillnotfly, 27 April 2013 · 371 views
acne, skin picking and 4 more...
I woke up with a startle in the middle of the night having a nightmare. And it was simply this: There was a giant, hideous, monstrous scab on my face, and I was picking it off. I can still remember precisely where it was: on my right side, where the picked at spot on my face is presently. The scab was between the size of a nickel and a quarter. It was as...


Day 4: Big Picture

Posted by thatwillnotfly, 26 April 2013 · 272 views
skin picking, dermatillomania and 1 more...
Tonight, when I was applying my 10% BP, I noticed that a small "plug" poking out from my jaw seemed to have grown. It wasn't painful, but it was definitely fairly prominent. I applied some AHA, and sat back and waited, then applied some more. Then I layered some more BP. Then, I as I was sitting on my counter staring at the mirror on the medicine cab...


Day 4: Misery

Posted by thatwillnotfly, 26 April 2013 · 508 views
skin picking, dermatillomania and 1 more...
Boy, there are moments. I reach up to touch my face, and I have to swat my hand back down. When I walk into the bathroom, I stop and linger at the mirror for a second too long. But I'm trying not to be too punitive about these things, otherwise I think I'd be going even crazier than I am. It's not going to be perfect, and it's not going to be easy. B...


Day 3: A Brilliant Idea

Posted by thatwillnotfly, 25 April 2013 · 305 views
acne, skin picking and 4 more...
It's day 3, and things are going surprisingly well. One of the picked-at spots is not terribly noticeable. Well, to anyone except for me, of course. The other spot is still there, but the antibiotic seems to be kicking in. It was oozing when I got out of the shower this morning, but it dried up into a small, brown, hard scab. It doesn't hurt, and the...






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