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My Totally Cool Friday Night... :t

Posted by loladiamonds, 12 October 2012 · 679 views

blah fridays antisocial myfriendshateme misunderstood
So it's Friday, October 12th, 2012, and I just received this text message from Moe (my role model/best friend who's more like a big sister):

"Staying in? Okay bye"

The reason for this text message is because I've ignored two of her calls and text messages. I know I shouldn't have but... I HAVE ACNE *Amy Poehler shocked face*

My friends are extremely social and beautiful. I love them. Monique, Maria, Julissa, Jenna, Naomie, Jenny, and Kala. But I can't find myself wanting to go out anymore. I can't even face the mirror on a daily basis. How am I suppose to get all "dressed" up and pretend to feel good about my appearance when I really don't?

They just don't get it. They've been getting really annoyed of me not going anywhere with them for the past month now. I just can't though.

I really really really hate the way I look. Mainly because of my acne and acne scars. I also dislike my weight. Certain physical features, etc. I really feel like I am crumbling down... on a spiraling twister of self loathing that won't stop.

The sad part is... 2-3 years ago i was a genuinely happy person. My acne was extremely mild so I hardly ever noticed when I broke out (good old days), I actually thought I was pretty Posted Image AND I went out all the time!

I still can't believe what this setback has done to my life. I am such a different person than I use to be. I feel like this isn't me. This is not what Sara Montolio (aka lola diamonds) is meant to be like. I cry almost everyday. I'm thinking about my skin/appearance 24/7. I avoid mirrors but I'm always in front of one at home trying to solve some odd puzzle as I just stare back at this stomach turning reflection. And none of my friends know I feel this way.

I hide my mild depression (as I like to call it) very well. When I am around my friends... I laugh, crack jokes, stay talkative and normal. The minute I get home, I shrink into this little pitiful person full of visible flaws.

I'm tired of feeling this way... I want to be this girl again Posted Image (see attachment).

I know I have a beautiful soul. I love me. My personality. My spirit. But lately it seems like I've lost that too. Basically, my mood and/or week is determined by how my skin looks. That's really shitty.

I sound so superficial and dramatic but what can I do?

I want to be me again...




I know exactly how you feel, I just found out that my best friends aren't even my friends,just pieces of shit.
Things will gett better , they always do , when you are into a rough period , it's always light at the end of the tunnel.
Not so good that you have depression , but good to hear that it's only mild, when it becomes moderate or severe, text me,really,i'll be there.
Keep ur head up and pull through.
Also , what are you using?
treat yourself to something - whether it's something small or a bit of a splurge. I'm sure that'll get you started on feeling a bit more upbeat.
don't beat yourself down :<!

I know exactly how you feel, I just found out that my best friends aren't even my friends,just pieces of shit.
Things will gett better , they always do , when you are into a rough period , it's always light at the end of the tunnel.
Not so good that you have depression , but good to hear that it's only mild, when it becomes moderate or severe, text me,really,i'll be there.
Keep ur head up and pull through.
Also , what are you using?



i'm doing 1/2 The Regimen where i clean my face in the morning with this cleanser from Sephora (i think its a brazilian brand) its called Boscia Detoxifying Cleanser. I like it but its getting pricey. $30. After that, i apply 5% Benzoyl Peroxide (prescribed by my GP) then some Neutrogena moisturizer/sunblock since i live in FL. My night regimen is wash again with the same cleanser, wait 10 minutes for my face to dry, apply Ultra Repairing Cream moisturizer, wait another 10 minutes for it to soak in, THEN the 0.05% Tazorac. I've been on it "religiously" since Aug 20th. Before that i never stuck to it daily since i kept getting discouraged by the purging stage...

treat yourself to something - whether it's something small or a bit of a splurge. I'm sure that'll get you started on feeling a bit more upbeat.
don't beat yourself down :<!


thanks for the suggestion. I've spoiled myself to books :) i love to read.
Unfortunately, i don't really want to buy clothing because i honestly haven't felt "pretty enough" to wear them any where. sucks, i know. i try not to think that way but i literally cannot help it. Thanks for reading btw
well ur regimen seems nice..nothing internal?
like antibiotics?Did you consider takin accutane?
i feel like you are speaking from my soul right now. my skin was doing amazing and for some reason it has broken out literally overnight into 9 sore bumps....this may not seem like a lot but it is, especially for me and I'm not talking 9 small white heads I'm talking a few cysts and sore red papules. While they are healing and flatter right now the red marks drive me up the wall. I feel like I just want to rip my skin off. I look in the mirror and this wave of anxiety just comes over me and I break down sobbing. I'm trying to think of anyway possible to make the marks fade faster and I know my options but non are a guarantee. What's worse is that i work in a plastic surgeons office and deal with people coming in looking and trying to become more beautiful all the time, and whats even more worse is that I am a Clinical Aesethetician so I am the one that is supposed to be helping others with their skin.

I'm 24 years old and right now I feel 90. I'm depressed, angry, tired, and I REFUSE to leave my house except for work which is the worst thing ever. It's Saturday and all my friends want to go to this great festival and guess where I'll be? home, with my two cats....can life get anymore pathetic.

acne sucks and i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

i hope you feel back to your old self soon

well ur regimen seems nice..nothing internal?
like antibiotics?Did you consider takin accutane?


I'm suppose to start birth control next week. lets see how that goes >.<
I was on doxcycline twice but it didn't do much other than cause me to have an esaphogal ulcer (very painful but easy to treat). I keep thinking of accutane but i don't know if the derm will give it to me. I always assumed it was only for severe acne, since mine isn't severe, just moderate, i don't know if i'm "eligible"

i feel like you are speaking from my soul right now. my skin was doing amazing and for some reason it has broken out literally overnight into 9 sore bumps....this may not seem like a lot but it is, especially for me and I'm not talking 9 small white heads I'm talking a few cysts and sore red papules. While they are healing and flatter right now the red marks drive me up the wall. I feel like I just want to rip my skin off. I look in the mirror and this wave of anxiety just comes over me and I break down sobbing. I'm trying to think of anyway possible to make the marks fade faster and I know my options but non are a guarantee. What's worse is that i work in a plastic surgeons office and deal with people coming in looking and trying to become more beautiful all the time, and whats even more worse is that I am a Clinical Aesethetician so I am the one that is supposed to be helping others with their skin.

I'm 24 years old and right now I feel 90. I'm depressed, angry, tired, and I REFUSE to leave my house except for work which is the worst thing ever. It's Saturday and all my friends want to go to this great festival and guess where I'll be? home, with my two cats....can life get anymore pathetic.

acne sucks and i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

i hope you feel back to your old self soon


WOW do i get you 100%. My friends are currently going to a local college football game and i refuse to go. I woke up with a weeping sore type of cystic pimple on my chin that looks gross. And trust me, i don't have zits covering my face either. But the ones that i do have are the kind that ooze for over and break my skin easily.

Do your friends know how you feel?
I'm terrified of telling my friends... i think they'll just see me as dramatic, immature, superficial, bla bla. They won't sympathize and understand. I'll be shunned or something. One of them, Julissa, already thinks i'm a bad friend for "selling out" so often. =[ but i can't do it! i hate makeup mainly because it doesn't allow me to be real...

how are you treating your acne? you definitely have a new friend in me. I'm all ears anytime.