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One thing that's really helped me cope with pain is Buddha's story of the two arrows. When we experience physical pain, it's like being struck by an arrow. It hurts! We feel that it hurts, and then we start feeling things about it hurting. We might cry over the pain. We might worry about how long the pain is going to last. We might feel guilty for having the pain. We might feel sad or angry that this has happened to us. This is the second arrow. Buddha taught that, with practice, it's possible to just feel the first arrow, and not the second.
When it comes to acne, I think of acne as the first arrow. It doesn't really hurt physically, but it strikes visually. Then when I look in the mirror and see it (or feel it on my face erupting) and I get the second arrow. I'm overwhelmed with feelings. I feel frustrated that I have yet more acne. I worry over how long it will last. I feel fear over how many more spots will come up. I feel guilty for touching my face, or not being gentle enough when I washed it, or using the wrong products on it. I feel shame and self-hatred. A torrent of feelings. This is less like a second arrow, more like an entire volley of arrows.
Then there are yet more arrows, as anger towards myself kicks in. I feel frustrated that I'm wasting so much time worrying over something so trivial. I berate myself for being so shallow when I have much much bigger things to worry about. I feel dislike towards myself for being so silly. I judge myself.
It still amazes me how powerful my feelings can sometimes be in relation to my acne. My appearance is something I have more negative feelings over, more suffering, than perhaps anything else.
How to deal with this second arrow? Well, I'll examine different techniques in later posts. But an important first step is to recognise the process - the first arrow (the acne) and the second arrow (the thoughts and feelings about the acne). Being able to observe my thoughts and feelings as this process happens is the first step in lessening the pain of that second arrow. It means I'm stepping back slightly from the river of emotion - instead of being dragged under by the torrent, I can swim with the tide. And hopefully one day I'll be able to just sit on the shore and watch it go past. I'll take that first arrow, but I won't strike myself with a second one.
When it comes to acne, I think of acne as the first arrow. It doesn't really hurt physically, but it strikes visually. Then when I look in the mirror and see it (or feel it on my face erupting) and I get the second arrow. I'm overwhelmed with feelings. I feel frustrated that I have yet more acne. I worry over how long it will last. I feel fear over how many more spots will come up. I feel guilty for touching my face, or not being gentle enough when I washed it, or using the wrong products on it. I feel shame and self-hatred. A torrent of feelings. This is less like a second arrow, more like an entire volley of arrows.
Then there are yet more arrows, as anger towards myself kicks in. I feel frustrated that I'm wasting so much time worrying over something so trivial. I berate myself for being so shallow when I have much much bigger things to worry about. I feel dislike towards myself for being so silly. I judge myself.
It still amazes me how powerful my feelings can sometimes be in relation to my acne. My appearance is something I have more negative feelings over, more suffering, than perhaps anything else.
How to deal with this second arrow? Well, I'll examine different techniques in later posts. But an important first step is to recognise the process - the first arrow (the acne) and the second arrow (the thoughts and feelings about the acne). Being able to observe my thoughts and feelings as this process happens is the first step in lessening the pain of that second arrow. It means I'm stepping back slightly from the river of emotion - instead of being dragged under by the torrent, I can swim with the tide. And hopefully one day I'll be able to just sit on the shore and watch it go past. I'll take that first arrow, but I won't strike myself with a second one.
I recognise the second arrow and have for a little while now
Some days I can ignore the second arrow and I'm more outgoing, happier etc
Some days I cant and end up wasting time either looking in the mirror, on the internet for solutions or just being generally concerned with how I look.