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It Begins Now
Posted by Picky Nicki,
07 August 2012
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137 views
stop picking bad habit help ocd bad skin scab
I begin this journey now. And all I can hear in my head are the words that Frodo says to Sam; words Bilbo told him years before, "Its a dangerous business, going out your door. If you don't watch where you step there's no telling where you may go."
I think that these words may be quite appropriate to heed as I begin my own journey.
To begin; I have terrible OCD, a diagnosis made alongside of ADHD and Depression. I am in control of my ADHD and depression through the use of medication and the use of light therapy (though truthfully, it has been sometimes since I have seen any professionals.) However, I find that the hardest thing to control is my OCD; bad smells become psychosomatic and frustrate/torment me to the point of tears. But the worst part is the picking.
I fucking hate the picking.
Please excuse my language but I can no longer hold back my anger and frustration, not towards my skin. But towards myself. I hate it. I've ritualized it and my OCD is preventing me from stopping. I need to do it. I can barely explain why and I don't understand why I have been so fixated on it for so many years.
But I'm tired of the scabs, the sores, the redness and the guilt. I'm tired of disappointing those I love by showing them what I've done to myself. I'm tired of hiding and lying when EVERYONE is perfectly aware of why my face is in such a state.
I have tried many, many times to stop and used innumerable techniques to try and stop, and inevitably I find myself falling off the wagon, relapsing back into this horrid, destructive habit.
BUT, and this is important to anyone reading this, I know that I have to get up and try again. Not only do I want to, but I need to get up and try again. And in my search I find You.
I am starting this blog/ internet diary/ record of my struggle, whatever you may call it, in the hope that if I keep a record and maybe even receive some encouragement, that I will be able to curb and finally stop the picking.
I will try and write something each day about how I am feeling and try to explain to myself and others what drives me to pick.
Until next time,
Picky Nicki
I think that these words may be quite appropriate to heed as I begin my own journey.
To begin; I have terrible OCD, a diagnosis made alongside of ADHD and Depression. I am in control of my ADHD and depression through the use of medication and the use of light therapy (though truthfully, it has been sometimes since I have seen any professionals.) However, I find that the hardest thing to control is my OCD; bad smells become psychosomatic and frustrate/torment me to the point of tears. But the worst part is the picking.
I fucking hate the picking.
Please excuse my language but I can no longer hold back my anger and frustration, not towards my skin. But towards myself. I hate it. I've ritualized it and my OCD is preventing me from stopping. I need to do it. I can barely explain why and I don't understand why I have been so fixated on it for so many years.
But I'm tired of the scabs, the sores, the redness and the guilt. I'm tired of disappointing those I love by showing them what I've done to myself. I'm tired of hiding and lying when EVERYONE is perfectly aware of why my face is in such a state.
I have tried many, many times to stop and used innumerable techniques to try and stop, and inevitably I find myself falling off the wagon, relapsing back into this horrid, destructive habit.
BUT, and this is important to anyone reading this, I know that I have to get up and try again. Not only do I want to, but I need to get up and try again. And in my search I find You.
I am starting this blog/ internet diary/ record of my struggle, whatever you may call it, in the hope that if I keep a record and maybe even receive some encouragement, that I will be able to curb and finally stop the picking.
I will try and write something each day about how I am feeling and try to explain to myself and others what drives me to pick.
Until next time,
Picky Nicki
you're not disappointing those who care about you... you're trying your best to get a handle on your situation.
keep up the effort!