Christmas Blues

So here i am, once again, pouring out my severe depressed thoughts onto you, hoping for some relief from this torment. Had a nice christmas, and with everything i have been through this year with acne, giving up lots of foods, eating rabbit food everyday just to try and get rid of them, i thought i deserved to eat some treats as it was xmas. But oh no, my skin wasnt having none of it. The problem with my acne problem is that i keep getting them popping up and i dont know why, and the worse thing is, is that when they eventually go, they just leave behind a red mark which is reminder, and what looks as though i sitll have acne. My face has been ravaged by the amount ive had, and as ive gone through this year trying my best to get rid of them, they have just left behind loads of red marks on my face. I have no smooth complexion anywhere on my face, and my cheeks look as though they have been opened and then stitched back up. However, i have had it for so long now, that depression and lack of energy is a normal thing for me now. People really dont havw a clue how acne can affect you so god damn much! It destroys you if you are unlucky with treatments and cant get rid of them at all like in my case. And the bad thing is, i wont be able to see a derm for at least a month maybe more. So that leaves my face getting worse and worse. High dosage of accutane and retin a for the marks is what im hoping for. The amount of bad thoughts that run through my head on a daily basis is scary, and even though i would never do it, hurting myself has always been an option, to relieve some of my pain. But i never have. Ive been battling this hell for over a year now, and for people reading this whos acne isnt that bad, just a few spots, but you still have a smooth complexion somehow, please get help! Get help early! Dont try eating healthy, it wont help, neither will supplements or washes. They are all myths! Acne needs to become more of an epidemic because i know a lot of cases where many people have taken their life through it, and its stopping me living my life everyday, chasing my dreams, and im getting more and more ill everyday.