hey everybody!

my name's bella and i'm 16 years old, 5'8.5", and 120 pounds!
i've had normal acne from 11-14 years old but for the past two years my acne's gotten really angry and it has been sprouting everywhere! like even on my cheeks....where i've never gotten acne before. and it's not normal anymore...it's nasty and cystic and lumpy and painful!
i've tried proactiv, clean and clear, murad, and philosophy anti-acne products but those just don't work on me!
chicago weather is too pms-y and unconstant (it was 65 degrees 2 weeks ago...now there's a few inches of snow!) so i'll have like a huge zit and then it'll get cold and my skin will get so dry but yet i'll continue to break out?? and then the zit will crack in half or something and turn brown and sickk. and i live in the city so there's a lot of pollution and garbage and crap floating in the air...eww. i had to get my bangs cut kind of poofy because over break i had a huge dermatitis-like thing where a gazillion zits grew on top of each other all over my forehead and hurt so bad whenever i sneezed one would like pop...gross right??

i'm on the school swim team and since i swam the beginning of the year my acne wasn't AS bad, but now that swimming is over it's been totally erupting and gross and killing my self confidence. as if it wasn't already bad before, haha. i'm the type of girl who HAS to wear some sort of concealer or powder foundation over my scars and powdered sulfur on top of my pimples to cover them (no caking it on! unless i'm doing a photoshoot or something. models have to be pretty but no modeling this year, too many zits aghhh!) so in the mornings i have to get up pretty early so my face doesn't look so angry and red and lumpy! and so i don't scare away the kiddies at school lol.

good thing my aunt owns a sephora store bareminerals makeup = the BEST! and she teaches me how to put it on the "right" way so i don't look like a cake face lol. but by the end of the day it usually wears off so i get really self conscious around the kids in my last few classes because when they look at me i always think they're staring at all my little brown spots and pimples and zits and my blackhead-infested nose (well not really infested. i just think it is and maybe i think i have more acne than i really do but i don't know how to change that! it's like a psychological thing right?)

but acne really has ruined my life...high school is supposed to be fun! but i can't really be myself if i look like a pizza face...hopefully this journey will bolster my confidence too
i've heard that people are usually mostly clear in a month or two...just in time for prom!
there's this guy that i really really really like (let's just call him Cute Boy so i can refer to him in later posts lol) but i've kind of been scared to talk to him a lot...sometimes i can't look him in the eye because then i just get so self conscious and think he's staring at my acne and then i get really nervous and screw up the conversation because of my newfound acne-awkwardness
BUT we're sort of good friends now and maybe if my skin clears up i can change that! haha. frickin acne! i was going to ask him to our school's sadie hawkins-type dance that was on saturday, valentine's day but i was sooo worried that i'd look weird and gross-faced and he'd be disgusted and compared to all the other girls at my school (note: chicago city semi-private school = rich kids who have coach prada chanel gucci purses and really nice cars and perfect perfect skin and hair and bodies) i'd be the ugliest so i didn't ask him i mean, i can handle it but sometimes i'm just not that strong...and i really want this to work out!

so anyways my blood test is at 5:30 AM tomorrow! it had to be scheduled really early because my parents don't approve of me missing out on school...ehh. junior year = waste of time! too many AP classes and not enough time for parties that means i'll have to get up at like...4:30 which is nasty, even worse than when i had morning practices at 5:00 for swimming haha. it'll be a pain doing makeup when i'm half asleep...

i'm really nervous to go...they said i have to fast for 12 hours and i hate fasting....
me + food = <3
seriously. i'll be doing my homework and suddenly a costco size bag of cheerios will appear on my desk and it'll be gone within a few hours!
i've been trying to cut back on potential acne-causing foods (milk, chocolate, spring rolls, pizza, tacos, ice cream...all the stuff that gives my mom acne basically) but it's sooo hard.
especially chocolate.
and milk.
and how they have freaking towers of chocolate milk in the school lunch line! two of my worst enemies combined into one! and soooo good! just like fried snickers. ohmigod. those are amazing! anyways.

so knowing that, i'll probably pass out because i'll be sooo hungry! and because the whole needles part. i mean, it isn't really scary until they baby you and are like..."honey do you need your parent to be here? are you all right?" because then that just makes me scared even if i wasn't scared before!
any tips to get through blood testing easily? haha.

i'll be taking my first pill this thursday! the dosage depends on my blood test but my derma said i'd be taking it for sure (she took it when it first came out and she is like 60 and her skin is sooo smooth and beautiful kind of like a little doll and she pities me so much haha)

so my current routine is as follows (yes everything is from a sephora store! <3 well except proactiv. that crap is killer. i just like their sulfur mask haha)
AM:
philosophy purity facial wash
philosophy when hope is not enough serum
clinique moisture surge gel
philosophy hope in a jar
philosophy the present (makeup primer)
bare escentuals concealer/foundation/veil
spray whole face with evian mist to set makeup

AFTER SCHOOL:
cold cream face wash
clinique moisture surge gel (as a mask until shower)
proactiv refining mask (as spot treatment mask until shower)

PM:
philosophy purity facial wash
estee lauder advance night repair serum
l'occitane immortelle precious creme
philosophy high density eye/lip cream

OTHER:
rosebud salve for lips and elbows

pretty hardcore list right? it's gonna change a little if i start getting really dry...i've heard aquaphor is a blessing

so yeah! that's me! if anyone has any tips i will love you forever!

xoxo bella
wow i really didn't realize this was so long. haha.

Good luck cioabella! And good luck with the boy too!

Also how is Chicago? I live in small-town Canada and the biggest city I have ever been too is Toronto. I have been to the United States though, mostly in Michigan and Ohio. I go to a UM Wolverines and a Cincinnati Bengals game every year. (Yeah, odd, I should like OSU Buckeyes but something about the big house..)

I'm going to follow your log closely. You started two weeks before me . I start the 16th [if all goes as planned, of course]. I know what you mean about your acne, I think. With the cold weather. I rarely get cysts but when I do and they pop they turn into huge brown flaky scabs on my skin and they are sick. I live in Cleveland, so I experience similar weather to that of Chicago. Do you have dry skin? I have really dry skin on my face, which I've always found strange, having acne and all.

hey guys!
thanks for reading my log

blood test didn't go so well today, i was half delirious when it was over and then had a full day of school
added some wrong ingredients in chemistry, made a mess! it was probably the whole fasting thing that threw me off...i'm technically "underweight" (not compared to the other models!) so when i skip a few meals it just doesn't work out...
hopefully accutane won't screw with my appetite!

corey: canada? awesome! i used to live there! i miss the view of the mountains from my house and the freshness and how safe it was! chicago is pretty crazy and is just noise noise noise...there's fights everyday at school because there is zero racial tolerance and people are just so caught up in everything! which is weird coming from me seeing as i want to move to new york when i grow up

myresults_xnow: yay! we can be accutane buddies! eww i know, the whole iPledge thing is so annoying! but it really makes sure we won't go off and make a bunch of deformed babies for fun! i have mostly oily skin but there's these weird dry patches and that's where i get most of my zits...which is soooo weird! haha.

Hey, there! Just thought I'd lend some support, as I just took my first capsule today. Like myresults_xnow, I live in Cleveland, so the weather here is pretty cold and dry right now. Good luck to us both!

hey again!
i'm getting my prescription tomorrow!
1 more night of waiting!

current state of skin:
-forehead: lots of weird bumps, like pimples that last forever and stay skin colored (?) gonna try philosophy's microdelivery peel tonight on those to see if they go away or not. upper left forehead has emerging zits!
-2 cysts above left eyebrow
-weird cyst-to-be on the side of my nose? nasty blackheads. skin on sides of nose has white stuff underneath
-left cheek: clear! (meaning there's a fading cyst and a few easily coverable scars)
-right cheek: gross! 3 deep ones, a bazillion scars, and flaky skin around the zits. my nose is pretty flaky too...i can actually peel some of the skin off after a shower!

thankgodformakeup

i'm so excited for tomorrow!
i'm trying to put together an accutane survival kit...any suggestions?

hey. i love your log. it's cute. i will definitely follow up.
(by the way that's sooo awesome your aunt owns a sephora store. lucky!)

as for the 'survival kit' i do have a few suggestions.

i'm on day 24 of accutane and this is whats been good to me so far:

*cetaphil face wash. the regular kind. not the super gentle kind. that one is kinda funky. i use the regular kind morning and night. it's good. check it out.

*cetaphil cream in the tub. i only use this at night because it's pretty thick and feels kind of greasy and gross, but it works. i just put a bunch on before bed and wash it off in the morning. i havn't had any flakes or peeling or anything because of this stuff.

*A LOT of water. this has seriously helped me soo much. i know it's annoying because it makes you pee, but it helps, seriously.

*fish oil pills. i take 3 a day and they seem to be working pretty good. plus, they are good for your body anyways. check them out. they help with joint pain and stuff.

*a tub of aquaphor for dry lips. i didn't really like this stuff at first, but as your lips get drier you will love it. it helps a lot.

*Nivea 'a kiss of moister' lip balm. make sure you get the one in the DARK BLUE tube though. the one in the light blue tube isn't as good. i love this stuff though.

*maybe a deep conditioning hair mask? my hair has gotten pretty dry and it's kinda yucky.



sorry i can't really suggest a good day time moisturizer to wear with makeup. i seriously haven't found one that i really like. i can suggest that you DON'T get the cetaphil daily moisturizer with SPF though. it's kinda greasy and sticky and does NOT mix with makeup. oh, and it tastes horrible.


hope i helped!
good luck hun.

Those fleshy bumps on your forehead. I have them also. I'm completely clear rather then them, and they are very frustrating. My derm said "they are just part of your acne" but I have no freakin idea what that means. They just refuse to go away

thank you so much nichole! dang that's a long list!
going shopping tomorrow first thing after school
and yeah--can you say awesome employee discount?!?
it's the only way i can afford my bare escentuals obsession

well this sucks,
turns out my derma forgot february was a midget month so now i have to wait 2 more days until i can get my prescription!
because ipledge has to be at least 30 days or something. haha. and i was so excited this morning!
made a big mistake though, when she asked if i was on any other medications i said no, and then when she asked about 2 ways of birth prevention i said birth control pill even though i'm not taking it! she definitely knows, but i guess she doesn't really care because i'm not much of a floozy

but anyways, in 2 days (or maybe even tomorrow?) i will be starting at 60MG!!!!
seems a little high for moderate acne but we'll see how that goes maybe it just goes by weight and not pimpleage...

update: the weird forehead bumps did NOT go away after the peel! they're still there and looking pretty lumpy! maybe sandpaper next time?
the derma said they're too small for multiple cortisone shots so i'll just have to wait for the tane to take effect

sorry to keep you guys waiting!

Hahah. Whats good bella? Just sayin, Hi. If you got any questions er anything feel free to ask. Im up in Toronto (Canada) and been on it for a bit more then a month. So in away i will problably be able to prep you if you need any help pretty efficiently.

Also, i am very down for hearing more of these very legit stories haha.

I was in Italy over the summer and there were shirts everywhere with the Coca Cola logo that said 'Ciao Bella' - I bought one in black! Well good luck with your course, I hear ya about having to wear makeup. Hopefully when we are done with the tane, makeup will be a trouble of the past!!

As for reccommending products, most people seem to agree on Cetaphil face wash and moisturizer and Aquaphor for the lips. However, another suggestion that I have is possibly taking some supplements. These are the ones I am taking and why:

Joint Supplement (Glucosamine, Chondroitin, & MSM): Accutane can dry out your joints and cause some pain and soreness there. This should help with that.

B-Complex (including Biotin and Inositol): There are a lot of reasons for this one. Firstly, Biotin and Inositol are good for your hair. This is helpful because Accutane can dry your hair and even cause thinning. Secondly, B vitamins are essential for keeping your mood up, and we all have heard the warnings about possible depression from the Accutane. Honestly, B vitamins do so many important things that you might as well take them anyway.

Vitamin E: This has shown promise in alleviating the side effects of Accutane, like dry eyes, and help your skin heal faster and better.

Flaxseed Oil (or Fish Oil... I take Flaxseed Oil because I'm a vegetarian): Just generally reccommended for your skin, and good for you! Also has healthy fats, which helps absorb Accutane.

Sorry for the long post. I just thought it would be better to explain my suggestions instead of just rattling them off. Grab a book on vitamins and minerals. It's actually really interesting stuff!

hello everyone! happy monday!
school was such a bore today...but i didn't really care because i had my first accutane pill this morning!!!

here's the story:
derma calls on saturday and confirms prescription
mommy and i go to walgreens but they are OUT OF STOCK! and tell us to come back on monday!
i'm super pissed, and they probably noticed because they were like, "calm down little girl!" and i was like "I'LL SHOW YOU LITTLE YOU @&*#@^$!!"
not really. but pretty close.
so after a weekend of waiting (in which i was angry and so full of anticipation that i went and binge-shopped at sephora...yay smashbox makeup!) we swing by walgreens really early on monday and guess what...they still don't have it!
by now i'm like reaaaally pissed so we switch to a different walgreens! and they have it!
so la la la la i swallow it and go off to school and i'm not even late! which would be bad because i already have 2 tardies and then i would get 2 detentions if i got one more
our school detentions suck. they're at 7:00 on saturday mornings! which, as a swimmer, isn't that bad (compared to our 5:00 AM practices...daily) but it's a saturday come onnnn.

anyways.
thank you blax! i'm sure i'm gonna have lots and lots of questions...i'm a little paranoid sometimes and want to make sure this is perfect!

OHMYGOD GISELLE23 COMMENTED MY LOG!
seriously. you are like the goddess of accutane! i "stalked" this board for a while before i registered and from what i've seen you are like...the ultimate tane-er! and you're gorgeous too! yayy! my friend bought me one of those shirts and i love it!

hey ms. awesome! THANKS for the products!
i bought my costco-pack of aquaphor which should last me a long long time
cetaphil face wash...i used it before a couple years ago and will never use it again! its consistency reminds me too much of...you know which is kind of weird to smear all over my face. haha. i'm weird!
but thank you! i bought some fish oil pills (those things are so ginormous. i swallowed one today but yesterday i couldn't so i had to bite it and it was sooo nasty! i'm a fan of sushi but that concentrated oil was so gross!) and i just stole my brother's b-vitamins today

so (skin) summary as of DAY 1 (20 mg breakfast, 40 mg dinner)
-wow i am so bloated from drinking all that water! pills are hard to swallow! i'm a bad swallower! ...that doesn't sound right...
-i grew a superzit last night in the middle of my forehead but i made myself not touch it because i don't want scars!
-still have those weird whiteheads
-everything else is still the same, my skin is kind of slow to adapt to things haha, and because it's only been a few days since my last post and i don't really expect this tane to work right away!

oh and CUTE BOY GOT A FACEBOOK! and he friend requested me! scooooore

xoxo

we can definitely be accutane buddies

I'm from the burbs of chicago...i'm so jealous that you live in the city, and that your aunt owns a sephora!

And my derm had the same problem with feb and the 30 days!

My prescription said 30 mg. So thats what i'm going to take, i'll just have 2x as much accutane as i need i suppose!

Bella,

I'm on day 13 of my treatment, and just started to navigate around this site. I stumbled on your blog and could relate because I am also hoping to have beautiful skin for my Senior Prom (which is coming up in just 2 months!) and just thought I'd let you know that we're in the same boat. Slash, I am very impressed by your daily regimen and was wondering what you would suggest to keep my Bare Essentials on throughout the day. I started bringing my entire kit to school so that when I start to get shinny (which doesn't take long) I can sneak into the staff bathroom and redo it.
Hope your first few weeks turn out to be as easy as mine have been.

-Kait

howdy there good luck with your course!

If you're interested, my log chronicles both my mental state and my physical progress for my 8 month course, the link is in my signature

Stay positive and feel free to PM me if you have any questions

Just passing by to show a canadian girl some support. Good luck with the treatment and that cute boy

Hey there ciaobella! (Love your username!! I'm Italian so I say 'ciao bella' all the time! )

I recently started accutane as well (2/26) so I thought I'd send you my support and a few of the items in my survival kit. So, here goes...

AM/PM routine:
-Wash with Cetaphil cleanser (regular, no spf) and cold water. I avoid warm/hot water because it makes my skin break out more. Also, I try not to wash for too long because I feel it aggravates my skin more. Maybe like 5 seconds and rinse skin off completely.
-Pat dry, wait 2 minutes and apply cetaphil moisturizer. I've tried tons of cleaners/moisterizers and Cetaphil is the only one that works for me.
-I exfoliate once a week to avoid any dry skin build-up. I just use a wet cloth (cold water) and gently wash my face in circular motions.
-Aquaphor is a must, as other users have noted. I try to have enough on my lips at all times. I don't use and lipstick/colored lipgloss because it stings my lips...

In terms of makeup, I only use concealor, no powder. I don't know why, but I tried powder (cover girl, neutrogena and even bare minerals/essentials) and while it initially looks good, a few days later, my pores get clogged = huge breakout.

I also drink a ton of water. I like to drink both regular water as well as vitamin water. I avoid sodas and chocolate (which sucks because I have a sweet tooth the size of the US... )

Currently, I have had some initial breakouts and skin is dry but I am sticking to it darn it! I am going to make this work if I have to give up everything...acne suxxxx!!

Oh, and before I forget, I also had a problem with those weird bumps on my forehead about two years ago. I couldn't figure out what it was so I scrubbed/exfoliated/masked the heck out of it until, slowly but surely, they all came to a head and turned into cysts or whiteheads...once that happened, my forehead cleared up...hope that helps!

I wish you the best of luck and keep us posted...ps-good luck with the boy

Ciao bellaaaa!

DAY 2!

hey everyone!

thanks for all your replies and tips and comments!
those just made my day sooo much better

because today was pretty horrible, i had this super weird dream last night that i don't even remember but i know it was really creepy...?
haha. so i decided to try and not let that affect the rest of my day and curled my hair so i could look cute
BUT for some reason i was so clumsy this morning! when i was putting on powder i stabbed myself in the eye with the bristles so many times! and when i was curling my hair i had this weird hand twitch and dropped the iron which BOUNCED OFF MY FACE and kinda burned it a little to the right of my lip! so now there's scars, zits and a brown circular mark! eek!
i couldn't put makeup on it because it was an open wound so i wore my mark with pride around school today at least it wasn't on my nose or something...now that would be embarrassing heehee.

kaelynGrace: two words...BLACK MARKET!!! haha. yay buddies! we can compare symptoms and stages and stuff
and sweet another chicagoan! ever heard of glenbrook north high school?

Kait: hey there! i hope we can both have amazing skin by prom!
my daily regimen is a little intense! have you tried using a primer? Philosophy makes one called The Present which works really well, and Make Up For Ever has different shaded primers to balance out skin tone or redness. those help keep your moisturizer in and your powder intact.
also if you have Bare Escentuals' Mineral Veil to sweep on after putting on foundation it'll absorb oils throughout the day!
this one sounds a little weird but after you put on your makeup spray your entire face with Evian Mist (or MAC Fix or any kind of liquid facial spray) and let it dry: it'll make the powder into sort of a cream which will give it better lasting power! if you try this i would suggest testing it out someday when you don't have to go out because it takes a little practice to get just the right amount of water out!

RCRanger03: thank you! wow 8 months?! i will definitely be reading that soon! that's cool how you have both physical and emotional updates...your log will be my shining guiding star these next 5 months!

bialo czerwoni: heehee thank you! i need all the support i can get haha. you know what? you kiiiinda look like him

Efitalian82: italian is such a beautiful language...and country! the people there are sooo gorgeous too!
VITAMIN WATER IS LIKE LIFE IN A BOTTLE!!! i looove the pink one. and the yellow one. mmmmm.
thank you for your regimen! i think i will try the Cetaphil moisturizer because Hope in a Jar might get too exfoliate-ish when my skin starts to dry out...which would be bad! haha.
i'm gonna take your advice and exfoliate/scrub/mask the heck outta my weird forehead bumps too thanks!

so skin summary as of DAY 2:
-everything is still the same! except my new brown burn mark!
-the forehead zit isn't as red but the cheek zits on both sides now are angry and have been promptly soaked in DDF's sulfur mask
-weird forehead bumps shall be experimented on tonight
-scars are still being ugly
-blackheads are still chilling in the nose, argh.

DAY 3!

happy hump day!
haha. that means 2 more days left until weekend!
which i am soooo looking forward to...but first, gotta start/finish 12 page paper due early tomorrow morning

anyways.
it seems like it's wayyy too early for an IB, but that's what it feels like!
i woke up this morning and my face was ridiculous! the forehead bumps are no longer small and fleshy...they've grown huge and are VERY noticeable...it feels like my face is trying to puke out all the bacteria but my skin's getting in the way
maybe it's just a really bad breakout but this is the worst my skin has been....ever!

and the immortal bump is back...it always grows back in the same spot and after i pop it, it stays dormant for a week and then comes back again so it's kinda like a prostitute zit...keeps getting used and coming back for more!

so i'm finally understanding the whole pizza-face analogy...great

on a random note...i haven't wore eyeliner or eyeshadow since i started accutane!
dark eyes only look good when my skin looks good, so i packed up my sets of Urban Decays and Chanels into my "TO OPEN WHEN BELLA LIVES UP TO HER NAME" box

time to write that paper! this all nighter won't be good for my skin...but then again, neither is alcohol