goodbye

my thanks goes to those who helpd me. i'm sorry i wasn't much help to anyone. now it's time to og.
farewell friends and good riddance.

scarring?

did your shallow scarring improve when you got off of tane?

shallow scarring

will it improve or fill in once i get off of accutane? at least to some degree?

so miserable

i did not type this to prove a point but merely to ease the hatred i have for myself. it doesn't matter what you say to convince me otherwise, for acne has definitely, without a doubt in my mind, murdered my life. like someone told me, "everything is relative to one's experience". that is such a true statement.

it doesn't matter how i look at it and who i compare myself to, i'm completely destroyed emotionally and physically. i don't like the way i'm perceived now - like i'm a completely different person. i know in my heart that i did not deserve this and i renounce God everyday because of it.

through all the therapy, counseling, and medication, nothing will snap me back to reality. i'm in a dark place now and there are few things that keep me alive - music, friends, family, and my laptop. it's a difficult process learning to accept what's been done and that this is how i would spend the rest of my life - miserable out of my mind. i hope i learn to embrace it someday, but i doubt i ever will.

have a good night

accutane = misery

i've been on tane for eight months and i'm still breaking out. i'm lucky enough to have a cool dermatologist who agreed would keep on accutane until i'm completely clear. however, i'm losing my mind. i'm extremely angry all the time - at least 75% of the day and i feel like the world is against me during those times.

i usually see red spots when i rage and i want everyone to feel my wrath. luckily i'm not stupid enough to do anything because i still have enough common sense not to get killed or kill myself. these emotions are followed by severe crashes...where i'll sleep for hours on end and get extremely depressed. i have a history of mania but since i broke out with acne and especially when i started tane, it's intensified dramatically.

i want the acne to go...i cannot have it but i feel like accutane is driving me up a wall. my tolerance for people and issues is so low and it's a constant battle to contain myself. i'm still visiting my pschotherapist on a weekly basis and i haven't told him about accutane.

what should i do? i need some advice people...acne is the pinnacle of all my problems right now but i feel like i'm risking my sanity. it's almost like, either way, i'm going to snap and lose it. help?