Arwena's Roaccutane log

After series of failures and wasting of time, money and nerves on various products and unfriendly dermatologists, I have finally found a great derm expert who is also a wonderful person.

I belong to that group of people who have had mild-moderate acne with extremely oily skin throughout the puberty and beyond and who didn't respond to any other conventional treatment.
Some dermatologists I previously went to were reluctant to prescribe Roacc. and I just thought I'd grow out of my acne, so I let this problem plague me for so many years (for which I feel so stupid now) and hadn't done anything to try and improve my condition (meaning get another derm willing to prescribe it and actually having lots of experience with it). That cost me a couple of scars that I have now and that are probably permanent.

Also, I myself was afraid of Roaccutane because of all the horror stories on the Internet etc. but also because of other doctors' negative opinions about it. After speaking to my new derm for more than half an hour I finally realised there's nothing to be afraid of, it's a medication like any other, having side-effects and risks like any other and if you are a good candidate for it, you don't sit for years and months thinking whether or not to take it while scars keep coming, you forget the risks for a while and let yourself go and be medicated and cured.

There's no hassle with any ipledge or anything where I live, so I was able to get a prescription and start Roaccutane the next day, which makes today my third day on it. I also got an injection (some steroid I think) which is supposed to help with the inflammation and possible IB during the first month.

The worst part of the whole process, but in perspective the best at the same time, was the process of coming to terms with how I look without make up. I was so shocked to see my photos without make up, in daylight, high res etc. I also started looking at myself in the mirror without make up after a very long time and it was painful. Also, the process of telling my friends and family (which I decided was the best thing to do) made me feel uncomfortable as if I was confessing some darkest secrets I had for ages. Thankfully, everyone's been really supportive. I still use make up when I go out, but I feel so much better about everything.

As for my skin on day three everything's the same as when I started. I had a bad breakout two weeks ago which left horrible red marks and it's slowly healing, I stopped with all other topicals, BP, etc. I also stopped picking. I don't think I have any active acne right now. I'm on 40 mg a day which is around 0.7mg per kg of my body mass, I weigh 58kg, which is around 130lbs.

Here are the pics of day 1

Another 'Do I need Accutane' topic?

Ok, so I'm 26 and have been battling acne and oily skin for more than 10 years, using everything there is except for Accutane. My acne isn't that bad, it's mostly closed comedos that turn into pustules, however i do get an occasional cyst or nodule and my skin is extremely oily with large pores and a little bit of scarring. I've been considering Accutane for a long time, and there would always come some kind of improvement whenever I got too desperate which always made me postpone my decision to go to a derm and finally ask for Accutane.

Bear in mind that I'm wearing lots of makeup in the photos, since I can't stand looking at myself without it. The photos alone are enough to ruin my day, but I just want to see if anyone out there has/had similar skin as mine and whether Accutane was the right choice for them. Also the photos were taken after a breakout subsided so there are almost no actives.

right side
left side

Should I Stop Diane35?

Ok, so i've been on Diane35 for 4 full months, along with some topicals like retinA, BP and Clyndamicin.
My main problem has always been chin acne-cystic ones. Every month before my period I used to get 2 sometimes 3 painful cysts on my chin so I was absolutely convinced this was hormone related. Once I started RetinA and BP the cysts stopped coming out, but then my cheeks (I used retinA there) strted to break out in small pimples (closed comedones that got infected and turned into whiteheads). However the chin was clear from the cysts. Went back to the derm and we decided that I should try Diane35. I put all my hopes into it. To my horror I started getting cysts on my chin again and it was always in week 2 of my monthly cycle. but the rest of my face cleared up and i am now slightly less oily as well and for the sake of that I'd like to continue with it and also because of the horrible storries I heard of your face breaking out once you stop.on the other hand i can't figure out if it's the pill causing the cysts and maybe just stopping it could bring things back to normal.Or maybe I should wait a little longer?

don't think it's working

maybe it's too early to tell, starting second week second month, but there's been absolutely no change and i think i should've seen at least improvement in oil production by now. nope, as oily as ever.
don't get it. why? what's wrong with me? why won't my body respond?

Everything was just fine until...

Right now I feel like I'm going to burst.My heart beets fast and my hands are shaking.I think I'm going to cry...
Anyway, this is what happened... I was doing fine until last saturday, for the past 4 months since on tretinoin my skin improved from the last summer which was the most stressful period in my entire life when I had the worst cystic breakout my first derm didn't know how to treat.These cysts were on my chin, so deep and painful that I couldn't do anything with my mouth.They all left terrible purple marks which started to fade slowly once I started Tretinoin.And no new cysts for the past 4 months.

So, things were definitely getting better for me, but then two days ago, I got one and then another cyst on my chin (pea-sized).They hurt like hell and seem to be getting bigger.
i was freaking about red marks and oily skin, but what I really forgot is how terrible is to have this.And I don't know where they came from and why.All I know is that these last for a long time...Now I'm so disappointed.I thought I found the solution but I'm back to square one.
And I'm getting this feeling from the last summer,it's a kind of neurosis, I don't know...My heart starts to beat faster and blood rushes to my head, like I'm really angry and scared at the same time, and I feel weak and shaky.
It's like you feel the thing you're the most scared of is about to happen and you feel so powerless, unable to defend yourself.
I'm so scared, scared that it would take months to heal, that it would leave scars and marks, that I'd get anti-social depressed and suicidal again.Honestly, last summer whnever I went to sleep, I'd just lie in bed and beg to die.
I can't put up with this pressure anymore.

I don't want to go through it again.I don't think I have the strenght for another battle.