Hello.
My story goes something like this:

I started getting facial acne at about ten/eleven years old. By the time I was twelve it had spread to my back and by this point, I had tried a plethora of OTC medications that never really made any difference. I quit trying for a while and counted on the acne fading itself. Sometimes I think I just ignored it during those years, but looking back, I remember doing things like swimming in a tee shirt to hide the bacne and wearing bangs that did NOT fit my face just to hide the break-outs around my forehead and temples. This, I realize, did not help the acne. But at the time, I didn't care. It hid it.
By the time I was fifteen, I was back to trying different things that never really worked. My doctor put me on some prescription cream medication that never really did much.
By seventeen, I had terrible back acne on top of the facial acne - as well as shoulder and chest acne and the occasional break-out wherever it decided to be.
I finally saw a real dermitologist who prescribed Tretinoin cream and put me on antibiotics. It took patience, but eventually I saw results like I never had before.
The thing was - the acne was still there. It was to a lesser degree, so I was fairly satisfied most of the time, but I remember thinking, "I've got to take these medications, AND go through a lengthy morning and night routine to take extra good care of my skin and I STILL don't have as good of skin as a lot of people that don't have to put in half as much effort."
I think that's what got me the most.
Still. It was better than it had ever been. I wasn't going to complain too much.

On the brink of turning nineteen, I lost my insurance and couldn't/cannot afford the monthly prescriptions, so I've been off of those for about seven months now.

My back acne flared up again faster than anything, though the shoulder, chest and even stomach acne were quick to follow.
When I was younger the facial acne was mostly on my forehead. It's still somewhat there, though the worst of it is on my chin and along the jawline.

I started wearing bare minerals make-up last year... make-up for the first time to cover it. Considering my personality type, I'm quite sure that just means I've grown desperate.
I was never really teased about my skin, certainly not regularly, but remarks have been made. And they're bothersome. Nearly depressing.
Even the remarks from clueless little children who really just want to know why I have "owwies" everywhere.
I pretend not to care. In fact, I don't think I've said the word "zit" or "pimple" or even "acne" out loud since I was a little kid. But really, that's because of shame more than anything else. This is the first place and time I've ever expressed any of my story/condition/thoughts/feelings on my skin and even though it's online, it feels awkward.
I've been trying ALL kinds of home-remedies, highly-recommended OTC products as well as some not-so-recommended OTC products. I've tried the at-home "cures" (all dozen of them and the "real" one) . . . I've studied up on its causes and such.
I've done ALL of this quite faithfully but very very privately. I have never had a friend or even SEEN a person in real life that has had acne a fraction of what I feel I've got.
It seriously makes me want to cry and curl up in a ball in bed and never get out when I hear young people or adults or teens get upset over an occasional break-out.
It's like, "That's what they think of a spot or two? What do they think when they look at me??"
Granted, I hide most of it the best I can, so I don't even know who all knows of my body acne. But still. I hate going the extra mile day in and day out every day to hide it. I hate that I have to. I hate that I feel like no one (and I mean no one) in the world can possibly understand. No one can possibly tell me what to do to make it better.
I'm sooo terribly tired of all of the conflicting information and conditions to the information out there.
From causes to products to what foods to avoid.
"Chocolate won't hurt you, it's not caused from that."
"DON'T eat chocolate or greasy foods, it'll make it worse!"
"Acne is hormonal."
"Acne is caused from bacteria outside."
"This product works wonders."
"That product stinks."
"Wash your face!"
"Don't wash your face more than once a day!"

I'm nearly twenty and I've struggled with this so long I wonder in agony if I always will.
I guess - I'm really just looking for someone to say, "I get it. I've got what you got. I've felt that. I feel it. You're not alone. Other people have it as bad as you do. Take heart."

And honestly? This is the first place I've ever seen where I can actually 'cry out' for that kind of feedback.
The first place that's given me hope that maybe if I can't be cured in the near-future... I'm not alone.

Hi there,

While I was reading your story I felt like I was reading my own. I understand what you are feeling and can relate. I am 26 years old and have been hiding in my shell for so long. I am online day and night searching for answers. There's so much information online and on this site but there are also many contradictions. I've read up so much on acne that I am now confused. So as you can see, you are not alone. There are others who feel just as helpless as you do. With the help and support here I hope we can both find answers to heal and enjoy life without acne:)

Sincerely and don't give up,
Hope

hi,

Your story is almost the same as my story, i hiding myself because i dont want that people see me with such a face. The things I have tried to get my acne away didn't help. I think there much more people just like you on this forum. A lot of people are complaining about there break-outs but most of the time it is just 2 spots :S I would be very happy if i get 2 spots in a break-out! I have also never seen anybody with acne as bad just like me outside...

But Im learning to accept my acne because otherwise I will have no life and hopefully it will disappear in a few years. Hopefully your acne will also disappear as soon as possible!

Did you ever try sea water and the sun for your acne? It is very good for your skin and it has cleared up my skin completely last year. Next week I will go again for a few weeks to the sea and hopefully it will clear up my skin again. So maybe you can also try the sea and sun together.

But don't give up!

Hey guys, thanks so much for the support!
1703, I live up north, no where near a sea... thought I was just down by the gulf coast last month and scared to death to go into the ocean (in Florida and in Texas) because I was worried it would make my skin worse. I had no idea people used that or that it worked for anyone.
I've also had some bath sea-salts for a while now and more or less just left it in the bathroom for my mom to use because I was worried it would destroy me.
I am trying it now though, though I can't tell what it is doing so far.
- - - Does anyone know how long sea-salts usually take to show any difference?

Just like the post below me, I felt like I was reading my own post. I just joined acne.org and was thinking of posting the effects it has had on me, but after reading this I feel little need to do so. The part that hit me the hardest is the fact that everyone complains over a zit here and there, so what must they think of me??? Whenever I allow myself to fully internalize that statement, I get that choked up, about-to-cry feeling because I feel like an outcast. Sometimes I honestly feel like people around me won't even fully listen to what I have to say....simply because of my appearance. As for wearing a shirt to cover up the "bacne," I've simply decided to throw out the option of enjoying myself in the swimming pool. I simply refuse to take off my shirt anymore when I'm in front of anyone but my mom or dad (and that's only because they both had it, otherwise my dermatologist and I would be the only two to know how bad my acne is). About a week ago, I was with a few friends and they said "Hey, let's go swimming." They don't know how bad my acne really is (although I honestly don't understand how they can't guess it from my face and arms and my avoidance of anything involving less than near body armor). So, I simply said I didn't feel like swimming. Anyway, while we were there a couple of my friends thought it would be a good idea to throw me in. When they began pulling up my shirt, I became terrified to be honest. I managed to keep my shirt, but I lost more dignity there than they will ever know. As it is summer, another friend asked me today if I would hangout with her and a couple other people, and we would be swimming. Right away I had to ask for a plan B after agreeing to hangout...something we could do that would allow me to keep the worst of my problems covered up. Swimming has become my enemy this summer; I feel trapped because I can't go swimming, but at the same time I can't explain to anyone why I'm acting so strangely about my clothes all the time. Changing my direction a bit, the worst thing about all this is that I'm a "helper." I'm a kid who has - on innumerable occasions - gotten nearly no sleep simply because I was up late helping somebody else with their problems. People come to me with problems, and I do my best to find solutions. However, it only works one way. I know that my friends are there for me, but my acne is something that I really don't feel like I can open up to them about. No matter how encouraging they just might be, I would lose so much pride in opening up that I feel like it's better to keep to myself. It ends up feeling like I'm out there trying to help everyone else, but nobody is there when I'm all alone and down. Maybe this post is becoming a bit more emotional than I originally intended it to be, but reliving these occasions is not fun, to say the least. All in all, I think that's why I came to this site, just like you did. In our own groups of friends, we're the outcasts - even if it's not true, and only the feeling. This is a place where we can open up in anonymity. I'm really glad I saw this post, because now I can really believe that I'm not the only one out there with this condition. Since all the OTC's and prescriptions (even accutane, now) have done little to change my situation and seemingly yours, I can just hope that change is coming.

By the way, I'm a boy going into senior year of high school...if that changes how my post is read at all.

Yes it really worked for my skin, but when i came back from my holidays my acne came back again.... But i dont know if sea salt, work the same because the reason that sea water has been working for clearing acne is because of the bactheriaphage that is located in sea water. So i don't know if it will help, if you only use sea salt, it will also dry out your skin and that isnt good for your skin...

Its also good to see a doctor.

Hey, thanks so much for sharing.
In the few days since I joined this site and posted up there, my acne condition is no better than it was, but I've had it proven to me that I'm not alone, and that in itself, really is a sort of help.
My heart goes out to you because I KNOW what you're talking about! I felt the raw fear myself when I read about what happened with you and your friends at the beach.
I seriously seriously hope you find something that works for you and that you find encouragement here as well.

i feel for you guys, i dont think my acne is as severe as you guys but i know how it feels when someone makes comments about ur acne, i have had a few people do that and it hurts bad. and have any of you guys tried accutane ?

wow. you're story is very touching and i understand exactly how you feel,

i've had acne for about 4 years (not as long as you, but trust me, i've had more than enough of a fair share) and i've tried every single OTC product, products form out of country, prescriptions, NOTHING worked.
I used to come home from school, go into the bathroom, look at myself in the mirror and cry. i HATED the way i looked and i thought i was the only one out there who felt like this. the kids at school all have perfect skin, anywhere i would go it seemed like i was the only one with acne. i felt so singled out and center stage it was TERRIBLE!!!
i remember one day at school in Bio class, a kid was staring at me and i got uncomfortable and started to try to cover my face with hair, hands w/e. and he goes " theres no use trying to hide yourself, everyone can see your acne anyways."
that was my breaking point. after that i did EVERYTHING i could to try and get rid of this horrible curse! i put on all these different medications and cremes, you name it, it was on my face.

ended up burning the hell outta my skin, that's what i did! all those products made my skin at least ten times worse. i had scabs EVERYWHERE, on top of the numerous pimples and cysts and nodules and AHH, it was just terrible :'(

then after going to the dermatologist and a thorough consultation of my story, she gave me products and said to use them properly (not slathering myself in them) and to be PATIENT.

it took me a full year to be completely clear, and even now, i still get breakouts.
but in that year, i learned that it doesn't matter that i have acne, so what? why should people think any different of me? i shouldn't let my acne bring me down. It was ruling my life, and i couldn't take it anymore. i decided that it didn't matter and the people who looked past my face and saw ME, were my true friends.

don't give up hope! tell yourself that you CAN do it, and that you WILL do it. STAY CONFIDENT! even though u may think that's impossible at a time like you, it's the best thing you can do to make yourself feel better! and also, know that you're not alone. this site is filled with people and their stories. take a look at the galleries, read up on peoples blogs, answer and ask questions on the message board. it's a whole entire community brought together by acne. us sufferers have to stick together somehow!

this won't last forever, keep that im mind!
good luck on your journey to clear skin, i wish you all the best.

Awh, your story was touching. Nice title, too Welcome to the Org!