So I am officially allowed to start Accutane tomorrow, insurance complications notwithstanding. I can't say I'm excited or even frightened; at this point I feel it will take ages to see any results whatsoever. I'm certainly less apprehensive than I was before starting Bactrim, which freaked me out with its potentially fatal side effects.

Oh well. With time I'm sure it'll help, but I'm not exactly psyched. The good part about that is that I'm minimally worried.

Okay, wow. I'm about 95% convinced one of my supplements is contributing to these massive new breakouts. I cut out the most likely culprit, Omegas, and am going to see if the breakouts continue. I really hate that everything new I try equals an instant skin disaster. I may just end up taking no supplements at all for the first month of Accutane, I don't know yet.

Apart from that, I bought makeup from the most inept Sephora representative ever. I think he got the sense I wanted to get out of there quickly, but needed a makeup, and threw the first thing that came to mind at me. I told him explicitly I have oily, acne-prone skin and he threw a full-coverage Laura Mercier foundation at me. Well and good, but he chose one of the most moisturizing foundations they put out - which I found out when I got home. Not to mention everyone there looked bitchy or distracted - screw you, Sephora.

Anyway, I tried the foundation on because I was curious about its coverage. It's way, way too emollient and feels like I've put a heavy cream on my face, and the color was a dark beige. Very unflattering, and a completely wrong match - what's appalling is that he suggested a shade three times darker than this at first. But I digress. The foundation provides pretty great coverage, but is thick and hard to apply with my MAC 187 - product gets wasted because it clumps into the bristles. Probably a makeup better applied with a sponge, though I hate sponges.

But I was surprised that a foundation could give such good coverage - not perfect, but I'm sure I wouldn't have needed a concealer if I had applied correctly, with a sponge, and used more layers. Not perfect, but quite good. Regardless, it's going back because it's the wrong shade and because it's way, way too moisturizing.

Oh, and removing full-coverage makeup? A nightmare. Now I understand why girls who use it scoff at anyone who tells them to remove their foundation with soap. And believe me, I tried. I can still feel the makeup on my face, and am kind of at a loss as how to remove it.

My skin looks horrible. Caked in makeup, under low lighting - it looks all right - but I cringe every time I catch a glimpse of myself in daylight. I just saw myself in a car window today and it was horrifying. Not to mention I saw a huge lump on my left cheek which is quickly developing into a large cyst. Fabulous. I thought my entire left cheek was swollen at first. I don't even know why anymore and what's worse, I'm out of makeup.

I have until June 9 to pick up my prescription, but my insurance people are being huge asses. I don't even know if it'll go through by June 9, meaning ANOTHER trip to the derm's office because of this bureaucratic crap. UGH. Right now I'm just hoping the Klaron isn't another dud, which it very well may be, because I doubt the low-dose course will show any results. My acne is not mild, by any means - I am not suffering from two or three whiteheads or blackheads on my nose, no sir. Full-blown cysts and papules here, not to mention hundreds of uninflamed pimples. I'm so fed up, everything seems to go wrong for me.

Here's what I expect, as this is how my life always turns out: the Klaron won't work, and will worsen my breakouts instead. The Accutane won't do anything, or will do nothing and leave me with all the nice adverse side effects. The end. Fuck my life, I'm so sick of it.

I often enjoy reading your posts. I see you are starting Accutane and want to wish you luck!

Aw, thanks! I've never gotten that before, haha.

What is it with sales associates at makeup stores? Or do I just run into the crappy ones? I've had much better luck with recommendations I've found online - I ask around the boards, read the reviews on Makeup Alley, and I'm usually good to go. Most of the reviews at MUA line up with the quality of a product - poor reviews almost always = bad. Point being, I returned my Laura Mercier foundation, as I had no use for something that makes me look like I rubbed my face in dirt... so that's good, $45 back. I also stopped by the Estee Lauder counter for a sample of Double Wear, which I'll be trying out as soon as I find a proper cleanser to take it off.

Speaking of, I went to MAC to purchase their cleanse-off oil, because I've heard it was really good. The associate insisted I buy the green gel cleanser instead, because I told him my skin is oily and acne prone. In fact it's pretty combination, and can get incredibly dry on the surface. I took his word for it and got the green gel cleanser, and apparently it ranks #1 as MAC's worst product. Of course that's relative, but in comparison the oil cleanser gets fantastic reviews - by acne-prone people. I intended to wash the oil off with my usual soap anyway, so I shouldn't have let him coerce me into getting the gel stuff. This means wasted gas money for returning crap. Bah.

That said, my skin feels really weird. I've only been using the Klaron for one night and day, and I have to say it feels pretty unpleasant under makeup - kind of itchy. It didn't seem to irritate anything unduly overnight though, which is good... when I try products that don't agree with me they tend to irritate my acne almost immediately. Larger lesions well up, and turn into hard lumps - which is what happened to Aczone, which cost me $115. Smart move on my part, surely.

Anyway, I read Klaron is an antibiotic, which is odd - I just assumed it was a sulfur-based product. I don't use BP at all, so this is a little worrying, but I don't intend to use it indefinitely as antibiotics always make me wary. I stopped taking supplements temporarily after my skin flared up, but I think that has a lot to do with my diet. Basically, I was limiting my portions severely, because I didn't have it in me to fast completely. I went down to about a meal a day, and lost around 7 lbs in a couple weeks - not too shocking, because my weight tends to yo-yo when I eat erratically. So there you have it, folks: not eating means less acne, which explains the sporadic anorexic posts on this board.

Now that I've started eating normally again, it's hard to go back to limiting myself. Oh well; I should be eating on Accutane anyway. I have yet to pick up my 10 mg pills because my pharmacy was out, so I'm going to start 'tane tomorrow - officially. At 20 mg.

That's all for now. No real improvement, though I've gotten a lot more breakouts - a particularly large cyst on my left cheek that's really bothering me. Damn. But that's all for now.

Just washed my face and am further depressed about my skin; what's new. I have fresh clogged pores daily - those hard little white plugs. I also realized I have not one, but three fresh cysts on my face, including one on my nose. I don't know why this happens with every single acne topical I use, but all the papules on my face are now irritated and swollen, and feel hard under the skin. Basically they've gotten bigger.

I don't know if this is supposed to go away, or why my skin gets ten times worse every single time I apply a topical. I don't know if I'm supposed to give up on them altogether or what. I wouldn't mind slow healing if the pimples didn't get worse - they never get worse then better, just worse and worse.

I haven't been doing much different with my routine, but I look worse and worse every day. I think I have about six or more cysts on my face right now, and my chin is breaking out again after having stayed fairly clear for the past month or so. I start Accutane tomorrow, so I expect things to get worse, not necessarily before they get better. Probably just worse and worse. I feel horrible.

I like how to me my skin looks 'good' in the photos I posted on the first page of my log. It is now exponentially worse.

That said, I took a Sotret today, 20 mg. Lucky for me, nothing immediately bad happened, like nausea or dying on the spot. I'll be taking a 10 mg tomorrow, and alternating between the two. Obviously there has been no change. I'm considering using the sulfacetamide again, because I didn't have such an adverse reaction when I used it overnight... the acne became irritated, for some reason, when I applied it under makeup.

That's all for now.

My skin looks terrible, but that's a given. What concerns me is that the Klaron seems to be making my acne worse. It hasn't caused new breakouts, per se, but it's irritated every single papule and cyst on my face - each of these has about doubled in size. Weirdly, the smaller pimples are drying up, but I only have about 2 of those on my face.

So basically, it's the same story all over again - topical making my skin worse, as usual. And this is supposed to be one of the gentler ones. I don't know if I should wait it out, because it's only been two days, but this isn't a case of me giving up because 'nothing is happening.' I usually discontinue a topical when it makes my acne worse, which is happening (again) in this case.

I skipped Klaron for a day and my skin seemed to be improving a tiny bit, but it's back to square as of this morning. I don't know if I should continue to apply it when it's obviously making my skin worse... if I should expect my acne to 'magically clear' after getting continually worse. Perhaps I should nix topicals altogether, they've all been ineffective or worsened my acne.

"I told my doc I was concerned my dose was too low, and said I didn't want to be on Accutane for a long, long time. I realize that there are fewer side effects in the short run, but I've read some posts on here that say that longer courses (whether or not they're low-dose) tend to increase the user's chances of developing problems like osteroporosis. I also feel like prolonged exposure would be a bad thing, but correct me if I'm wrong (please!).

He was adamant about 15 mg, and told me he was being 'generous' by letting me alternate between 10 and 20 mg. He was also kind of evasive about how long I'd be on the Accutane, and basically told me a 15 mg course would be AS effective as a lower-dose course, and went so far as to say I would be on the low-dose course for as long as I would have been on a higher-dose one. This is where my trust in my derm fails me, though I know a 10 mg course won't deal me any serious harm.

I was expecting to be put on 40 mg, which is reasonable for moderate acne, but my derm wouldn't even consider putting me on that much."

Copied/pasted from a post I made in the Accutane forum. I was first ecstatic about my derm, and thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread - but I'm realizing he's hardly perfect. First off, he prescribed an extremely low-dose course for my moderate acne. I do not want to be on this drug for a long, long time, which I made clear on our very first visit. I said I wanted to get the bulk of my course done over the summer, when I can deal reasonably with any side effects, such as fatigue and aches. He seemed to forget about this completely when he gave me a low-dose regimen, which is going to last me at least 6 months.

I also became skeptical of how credible the guy is when he said I'd be on the low-dose course for as long as I would be on a higher-dose one - there's no way a 15 mg course will deliver the same results as a 40 mg one over the course of four to five months. I do believe my acne is mild enough to clear over a 2-3 month period on a normal Accutane course, but 10/20 mg is extremely conservative. I'm not somebody with a handful of pesky whiteheads or some blackheads on their nose, I frequently get deep papules and large cysts that won't respond at all to topical medication. I do *not* have mild acne, and even mild acne takes a while to respond to such a low dose of Accutane.

I'm also pissed at him for failing to have warned me beforehand of the possible side effects of Accutane. I've trawled these boards for a long, long time, and have read hundreds of personal accounts by org members as well as clinical studies. I know what can happen on Accutane, and I know what precautions I should be taking - which is why I'm a little grateful (though obviously annoyed) that I'm on a low-dose course. But after our consultations, the most information I wrangled out of him (when I asked, "what should I apply on Accutane? should I avoid anything, take any supplements...?") was "moisturize if your skin gets dry, don't eat vitamin A." I feel like I should have gotten a liiittle more info than that.

As for warning me about side effects, he really didn't. He said none of his patients have experienced any severe side effects, and that the most I should expect is dry skin and lips. Wow, are you kidding me? And here you are prescribing me a drug that has ominous pictures of red-slashed pregnant women on each blister tab (which I ought to start collecting, because they're alternately disturbing and hilarious). This is a drug that's harder for me to get than heroin. Come on now - wouldn't it be wonderful if the only side effects that came with this drug were dry lips? Give me a break.

Oh, and he messed up my prescription as well. I was agonizing over this thinking I'd screwed up somehow, but nope. I'm supposed to take 15 10mg pills and 15 20 mg pills over a month. He said to split it into multiple 10 mg blister packets, but even then I'm left with 5 extra pills. The pharmacy would only fill 10 10mg tabs and 10 20 mg tabs, so I'm 10 days short of medication. They also informed me that I'd be unable to pick up the rest of my medication until or unless I get a physical prescription from my doctor. I swear, if I'm charged another $50 consultation fee because he messed up, I will be extremely pissed off. And no calling in prescriptions? Thanks, iPledge.

As for Accutane, it's only my second day. And I'm on Sotret, which by the way costs between 60-70 dollars for 10 tablets. I thank the Lord I'm on insurance, I can't imagine how expensive a course would be - including blood tests and pregnancy tests - without it. Insurance also ensures that I'll be able to stay on a longer course... can you imagine a 9 month course (I balk at the thought of it, generally) out of pocket? My wallet would kill itself.

Anyway, no change. My acne looks very much worse after having used Klaron overnight. I don't know what it is about my skin, but it's impossible - so much so that the only option I have is blasting it with isotretinoin. At this point I don't even mind my red marks so much - it's the hundreds of bumps that annoy me.

That's really all there is to say for now, and there probably won't be any appreciable change in my skin for a long time. Not sure if I'll continue the Klaron, because I hate how irritated my skin looks after using it.

Oh, and did I mention I have to stab each tablet out with a pen? First, I must peel off the pregnant woman and then the stabbing commences. They make it difficult to take Accutane every step of the way. Very glamorous, folks.

I can't drink anymore. Well, this is a bummer.

Not being able to drink is still a bummer, and it has only been two days of Accutane. I don't even drink very often but I enjoy alcohol immensely, and the prospect of not being able to have any makes me sad. Words cannot express.

Anyway, one new development which isn't a development at all: I washed my face as I usually do, and it feels a bit tighter/dryer than normal. I may be imagining things though, or this could be due to the Klaron I've been using, which I'm on hiatus from for a week or so. I just don't want to harass my skin any more than I have to.

How I wash my face: I disinfect my hands, then splash my face with water, then lather up my face then rinse off. Then I lather and rinse again to get off the rest of the residue. For the most part my makeup melts off, thanks to the oil that accumulates throughout the day, but I'm sure I could be doing a better job. Oh well, someday I may use toner. 'tis all for now, but I've realized I really don't want to be on this drug for more than five or six months. Even that seems like too long, at a high dose. I doubt I'm going to ask for more than 20 mg/daily, I don't want to risk anything weird happening. That is that, then.

Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I think I'm already beginning to get an IB, unless my skin is just breaking out randomly to be annoying and cruel. I've got some painful lesions on my chin, which has remained clear for the past couple months (after going through a hell stage), and a couple on my forehead that hurt. I don't know what's going on with my cheeks yet. Skin isn't drying, obviously... the main thing that concerns me right now is that I'm worrying myself sick. I shouldn't be so freaked out, even 20 mg is low, but damn this drug scares me.

I do want clear skin though, and was reminded today how much I hate wearing makeup, how heavy and gross it feels to have so much on all the time. I just don't know how much of myself I'm willing to sacrifice for it.

One side effect: I took 20 mg today and had my usual coffee and realized my stomach really hurt. It felt a little like heartburn, and a tiny bit like my stomach was on fire. Apparently coffee shouldn't be drunk on Accutane, which will be a problem when I'm back at school. Sigh.

This is day 3. My doctor messed up my prescription and has yet to tell me how long my course will really be. He implied that it would last about four or five months, but that just doesn't make much sense with the dose I'm on. It would be a short course for someone on a higher dose of Accutane.

I've had acne for 11 years, but I did have a period in my late teens when my skin was more or less clear. I got pimples then, not full-blown acne - which was, at most, mild. I cleared up dramatically after I turned sixteen, because my friend suggested a really simple regimen: foaming face wash and loads of BP, which I used religiously and copiously at night. I think I must have stayed clear for up to three years, then my skin went to hell... not entirely sure why, but any form of BP began to make my skin itchy and since then it's pretty much been unable to tolerate any type of topical. Antibiotics didn't help.

Point is, I'm looking at old pictures of myself and feeling very bad indeed. My skin wasn't perfect sure, but at worst I had some old red marks and a stray zit here and there. I felt good about my appearance, which I didn't dwell too hard on because it was never an issue.

My, how things have changed.

As of day four, I think my skin is a little less oily, but that may well just be wishful thinking. Small zits are drying up pretty quickly, but they do that anyway on their own. A couple of big papules I had on my left cheek seem to be turning into whiteheads, but the monster cyst is holding its own. I'm taking my 'tane pill at night, because it seems it gives me a bad bellyache when I started guzzling coffee later on in the day.

Oh jeez. I just consulted my derm's office and the receptionist basically told me there's no way I can get those last 10 pills until 30 days have passed, regardless of the fact that I haven't had my full script filled, and my doctor botching up the prescription. This is very annoying, and my derm should have known better - Accutane comes in blister packs, 10 pills per pack, do the math - I don't understand why he'd slip up and prescribe me 2 rounds of 15 pills. ARGH.

They said they'd call me back, but they've been so incompetent lately and I could tell the receptionist was frustrated because I kept badgering her and she couldn't do anything about it.

As for my stomach, it feels fine after guzzling much coffee. I'm considering taking Accutane before bed, or eating late dinners. I can't imagine how much pain my belly would be in if I drank alcohol, the thought makes me cringe.

Anyway, I asked the derm's office if I could take 10 10mg pills and 20 20mg pills each month. I'm hoping they'll just bump me up to 20mg daily because that'd be easier, but who knows. 10mg is just too low a dose for moderate acne, but I'm not willing to exceed 20mg to keep my body relatively safe.

Whoa whoa whoa. My foundation is three shades too dark for my face. What possesses the sales associates at Sephora to recommend such poorly matched shades? I use Cargo's liquid foundation, which is fantastic (apart from the minimal coverage) - it makes healthy/mildly acne-prone skin glow. Probably because of shiny particles inside, but it makes skin look bright and dewey. It has a powdery/silky finish though, so you don't get greasy.

Thing is, their color selection is pretty dismal. I'm pretty sure my skin's too dark for F20, and apparently F40 looks like I have a bad tan - I missed my jawline today and took a good look in the mirror for the first time in ages, and whaddya know, my skin is actually pretty light. Basically, my favorite foundation doesn't make my color is what I'm saying.

I've needed to change foundation since I started breaking out badly, but am at a loss as to what I can use. Almost everything breaks me out, and I am hesitant to start using a full coverage foundation because it's very difficult to take off. It would mean adding makeup remover to my list, which I don't want to do. I'm considering Studio Sculpt, but I think it's for dryer skin types - which actually may come in handy when my skin starts drying up from Accutane. Still, I'm wary about MAC products. I use their concealer, but have never tried or wanted to try their foundations. Hmm.

Maybe I'm being a little paranoid, but I think I'm beginning to get an IB. I'm getting random pimples all over the place, many of them much larger than I'd like, as well as a handful of tiny ones. I actually popped two of them today because they'd blown up into big whiteheads, but I didn't get all the crap trapped inside so I don't think they'll be flattening anytime soon.

This sucks. I hope it goes away soon, it's very gross and I look extremely bumpy.

End soon, Accutane. Ha, I'm only on Day 4.

Day 5.

I think the 'skin drying up' theory was a false alarm. If it's dried up, it's only by a tiny bit. My skin is normally dry because I tend to overwash it with hot water, so that's probably the culprit. So far my existing acne seems to be getting worse - small pimples have dried up pretty quickly, but these are literally less than 1 mm in diameter; they're tiny, barely pinpricks, so they probably just dried up on their own. Apart from that, I'd got lots of papules on my face that actually hurt to touch now. Gah.

My right side used to be my worst side, and right now it's covered in tons of hyperpigmentation from old breakouts... but oddly my left side seems to have taken its place as most broken-out side. A lot of pustules 'seem' to be healing, but I'm 100% sure that's only because they're scabbing on top - there's plenty of gross, acne goodness down there.

Old, huge lurkers seem to be content staying where they are, while other papules are pushing their way. They're not becoming whiteheads - this would be ideal because then I could pop them (I know, I know; I haven't popped any of my pimples in years but these rupture on their own in the shower; I get more control when I drain them myself). I dunno. My face kind of hurts and I've had an unusually long day.

Day 6.

Skin looks really, really broken-out and refuses to heal. I had to put on twice as much makeup today to even begin to cover up the lesions, but even that didn't help. Under fourteen layers of foundation + concealer, my skin still looks extremely bumpy... and the red marks, for some reason, have darkened tremendously. Basically I look repulsive.

The right side looks all right when I put on makeup, and I could probably cover all the red marks if I used a full coverage foundation. It's certainly not as bumpy as the left side... which is probably this bad because of the True Mineral foundation I used a month or so ago. Still left with that breakout, and new ones keep coming up.

Skin is not drying out, nothing like that. No noticeable effects, just new breakouts and worsened red marks so far by Accutane. I counted the cysts/papules on my left side the other day and I had about 25. I really doubt they're going to go away anytime soon, as they just seem to be getting worse daily. Not sure if this qualifies as an IB or what.