Okay, so my derm reminded me that I've been on Accutane for five months today - though I was only on 10 mg my first month, and 20 tablets (instead of the requisite 30) because he messed up my script. I would say I've been on it for approximately 4.5 months, if that, because of the dosing/prescription complications at the beginning.

He told me six months was the most I could be on Accutane, and has constantly been spouting nonsense at me... just today I told him I was still breaking out and dealing with these lurkers I keep talking about on her, and he told me I would continue to break out once I got off Accutane. If what he says (which is untrue!) is the case... why the hell would I have gone through all this to go on Accutane? Why would I have put up with the scarring and the stupid iPledge complications? So I could be moderately clear (but not really, I am red marked all over) for about 2 months and go back to breaking out?

Seriously, this guy BAFFLES me. I asked (politely, might I add) that isn't Accutane supposed to eliminate acne, at least for a time? And he said absolutely not. I was kind of stunned into not responding. WHY WOULD ANYONE TAKE IT, THEN?

I don't know why he's being so stubborn when he doesn't have to do anything, and when I'm not experiencing huge complications. All he has to do is glance at me for 30 seconds and he earns 50 bucks automatically! He has no conception of what a cumulative dose is, and won't even engage in a dialogue with me. He basically pooh-poohed me when I said I'd be more comfortable going on until at least month 7.

Ultimately, I didn't go on Accutane as a temporary fix. I want this acne gone INDEFINITELY. My main problem right now is finding a new dermatologist, but I'm afraid I won't find a trustworthy, honest, 'good' one. My plan is to bump up to 40 mg in December and January, when I'm out of school, and get a full course over with (per my weight). So technically I'd only be with the 'new derm' for a couple months.

I'm afraid he/she will insist on me staying on the low-dose course to milk the consultation fee, though. Urgh. I guess this is what happens when you enlist a plastic surgeon as your dermatologist, though. I just really need to scramble to find someone new ASAP. After midterms, I suppose... blah.

I've been considering this one other guy to transfer my Accutane course to... and gads, I just found him on Facebook grinning and holding a cocktail.

...Sigh.

Pretty sure I'll just transfer over to him if his consultation fee is reasonable, and if he's willing to continue my course. He answers dermatology-related questions online, and it seems like he's comfortable prescribing regular-dose courses. We'll see how it goes; I just hope he's not packed and unable to see me before December.

Good god I'm tired. I haven't slept since god knows when, have downed countless Red Bulls, and am now twitching all over the place. I'm waiting for that special moment where my eyeballs start to vibrate. Fingers crossed!

I'm actually procrastinating so hard right now. Stupid.

I thought I'd update about my skin, then... I've been breaking out more often lately. I attribute this to my EXTREMELY poor sleeping schedule, and the fact that I've been consuming about 10x more caffeine than usual. I've also been skipping Accutane pills here and there on days I pull all-nighters, because I find the tablet makes me more prone to exhaustion. I've been getting little pimples, have noticed that the lurkers have 'swelled,' and have a lovely papule on my right eyebrow.

I can't wait until this week (and the next) are over. I really need some breathing room. I say this as I prepare for a LONGGGG day ahead. One that will undoubtedly consist of calling 500+ new prospective derms...

I'm not even capable of thinking at this point.

I have been breaking out but that could be because I've slept about 3 hours in the past four days, and that I've had enough caffeine recently to kill a flock of livestock. I swear... insanity.

I have little zits on my face, not worth mentioning but annoying anyway, and one large-ish papule on my right eyebrow. It hurts.

The worst part is that I just replaced my facial soap and the stuff I got from Target smells like glue. Wtf? This is going back, but I don't know if they'll take it. As far as I know they don't accept returns for opened merchandise, BUT YOUR SOAP SMELLS LIKE GLUE, TARGET. Give me a break here.

Also, random... does anyone remember Hard Candy makeup? I used to be so obsessed when I was 11 but I couldn't afford any of it. Still, I was able eventually to purchase 1 thing when I hit 12 and still have it to this day (purple nail lacquer with awesome plastic ring). Anyway, it turns out they went bankrupt (pretty much) and have since revived themselves........ at Wal-Mart. Okay? Why Wal-Mart? It's odd.

Also, why is it that companies purposefully make packaging look cheaper when they sell it at budget prices? Sonia Kashuk is a happy exception: nice lettering, nice packaging that people put work into. Is it more expensive to reproduce Hard Candy's original packaging? Surely it's not more expensive to use their old font instead of this cheap-o Forever 21 looking one?

I don't know. Like I said, I haven't slept, but I don't understand why companies deliberately choose to use cheap-looking typeface when there are so many sleeker options out there. It makes the product look about ten times better, regardless of actual quality. It's font, for pete's sake, not something that would require a significant investment... right? Correct me if I'm wrong.

/ramble

This post has been edited by duchamp: Nov 6 2009, 03:25 AM

I hated Bath and Body Works' repackaging last year. The font looked like something that came free with MS Word and the curvy bottles looked stupid.

I totally bought shitloads of Hard Candy stuff when it was on 1/2 off sale at Sephora. When I'm off accutane I will actually be able to use some of that lip gloss. Now, nothing but industrial-strength will do.

Agree. I never really liked B&BW's packaging all that much, but the revamping threw me off. The only good thing about it, I think, was that all the outdated stuff went on sale. I'm also pissed that they got rid of Sun-Ripened Raspberry, which has been my favorite scent of theirs since I was in like 5th grade. I was so sad.

To go on (needlessly) about packaging... I think the Body Shop does a good job of it. The bottles and fonts look clean and functional and attractive. Maybe it's just a matter of personal taste or something, and perhaps some people would rather have products that look somewhat gaudy or eye-catching. A lot of the things I like have a simpler, more modern aesthetic... but I think most people can recognize when a font looks 'cheap' or of higher quality.

It just surprises me that large companies go with the cheaper-looking aesthetic. Why? Is it more expensive to produce the simpler font? The simpler package? I'm completely ignorant about that kind of stuff, but one would assume it costs about the same if similar materials are being used. Who knows. I am a style nazi.

And when was Hard Candy on sale at Sephora?!! I'm pissed I missed that sale, even though it was probably a while ago. There's just something so appealing about their products, even though the quality can be kind of meh. I'm glad they did a comeback, even though it's at Wal-Mart. Like some online blogger said, I wish they'd launched at Target instead. Would have seemed like the logical choice, no? Target is hipper. Wal-Mart makes me think of that website: People of Wal-Mart. Haha, so bad.

Anyway.

Today I went to CVS and dropped 50 bucks. Way to go me, way to disregard the recession. Revlon was having a BOGO so I got their liquid lipsticks and an eyeliner pen. I wouldn't recommend either: the lipsticks are sticky and the colors look quite 'mature,' while the eyeliner is so watery I feel like it's been diluted with water. I also got a bunch of candy (whoops) and, most importantly, a new cleanser.

leesett recommended La Roche-Posay's Effaclar, and this CVS happened to have it - haven't seen it anywhere else, but I'm glad they branched out into more luxurious brands. It cost me 20 freakin' bucks, but oh well; I was just curious to try it out. They also had Vichy, and I considered their 3-in-1 cleanser (which gets better reviews on MUA), but I thought I'd give the Effaclar a shot first. I may end up returning because it seems a bit drying, being an acne cleanser and all.

Hopefully it's good. I know it's a stereotype but French people seem to have lovely skin, and I think many women there opt for taking care of their skin instead of caking it with makeup... the makeup looks there seems a lot more minimal and understated, which I like. I figured maybe a French company could do better than, say, Neutrogena. Here's hoping.

This post has been edited by duchamp: Nov 6 2009, 07:17 PM

I am having the worst week I can remember having in like seven years. I have gotten absolutely nothing done in favor of letting myself feel badly/wasting time. I will regret this, I'm sure, but in the meantime I have made an appointment with the new derm's office.

Unfortunately they cost twice as much as my current derm, but I think their prices decrease depending on location. I picked the 'crappiest' one but may see if they have an even 'worse' one somewhere to see if the consultation fee diminishes a bit. It's odd to me that they'd do that, though I realize the rent must be much more in the high-end area.

I hope this isn't a huge waste of my time. I'm going to call my current derm prior to this appointment and say I'm transferring treatment - he told me to come in again on December 1, for god knows what reason, when he's not going to renew my script. I'll just tell the guy I don't want to waste $50 coming in for nothing, and it will certainly be satisfying.

I'm definitely not satisfied with his performance, but then again he does what a monkey could do. Hopefully this new derm is a bit better; I'm not looking for miracles but I hope he doesn't want to keep me on Accutane for another four-five months. I'm sick of it and I want it to be done. I do wonder if I'll have another IB, though.

I have been looking really... bad lately. I don't know if this is just the natural progression of things, or stress-induced, as I've been incredibly stressed for the past week or so. I haven't been taking Accutane as regimentedly as I should have, and have skipped a couple days here and there, mainly for health reasons. I also haven't been as dedicated about taking it directly after a meal that I try to make sure has a reasonable amount of fat in it (yeah, I do that).

Basically, my right side is back to throbbing a lot and my entire face looks irritated and sallow. The red marks are sticking out very prominently, even on the right side. I don't know if this means future breakouts or what. My hair's also a source of worry, as I'm realizing just how thin and brittle it's gotten. It just never looks good anymore.

I'll update more later, have to go right now.

Hey duchamp!

I'm still alive and still reading.

My face sounds similar to yours, I think its the weather change in Cali. My face looks red/irritated and chapped. I feel pretty Ughhh!!! today.

I read that you bought Effaclar, how do you like it? Make sure you work the gel into a good thick lather (in your hands) before applying it to your face, makes a HUGE difference.

This post has been edited by leesett: Nov 16 2009, 09:39 PM

LEESETT!!! You've been gone for ages! I'm glad you're back. Or are you? It's probably a good thing that you're writing only sporadically in your log, but I've missed your posts, lady.

It's almost 5 AM right now so I'll make this quick...

Are you moisturizing? I'm seeing a new derm on the 30th and hoping to be bumped up to 40 mg (tired of being on 20 until the end of time), but loathe the thought of putting cream on my face. Gross.

As for Effaclar - it ended up being too drying and I'm not sure it got all my makeup off... Do you also get a sort of residue left behind? Maybe I'm just obsessive about how 'clean' my face feels afterward. Luckily CVS takes everything back so I was able to return it. Supposedly La Roche Posay has a really great thermal water I think I might try; I think I'm kind of done experimenting with anything else: makeup, cleanser, what have you. I recently also bought MUFE's concealer palette and I haven't used it once. I will just use the same stuff, I guess, because so far it's been working out fine. I was hoping to be adventurous, though. Oh well.

And I came on here to say,

a) GOOD GOD IT'S LATE. Why am I awake. I need help.

b) What's ironic is that I was so tired around 8 PM I thought I'd fall asleep over my dinner plate.

c) Main reason I came on here was to wonder... if the oil on my face has dried up considerably, what the hell is up with my hair? The area nearest my forehead, where my bangs are, never seem to get completely 'clean.' It also gets oily really, really, really fast. My hair isn't repulsively greasy after a day like it used to be, but basically gets to that point after a couple days of not washing. It's weird and stupid because despite the oiliness, the hair itself is dry and brittle.

Oh well. I am on Accutane. I count my blessings because I am blessed. Also fucking deranged, I seriously need to sleep. I sometimes forget though how relieved and ecstatic I was when I first got on this drug... after so many months of crap you tend to forget.

Night, all. Sleeping as the sun comes up is perverse and bizarre.

Sorry to keep recommending products, but what are you using on your hair? I hope not drugstore shampoo, that stuff is BAD for hair! They put tons of silicone in it which makes your hair look shiny at first, but after several weeks/months starts to cause breakage and dull your hair.

I love all the Redken products, in high school I used All Soft and now I use Smooth Down (I have naturally thick, curly hair). Every once in awhile I use my mom's Clear Moisture shampoo/conditioner and I end up with little ringlets (probably it would be too drying for everyday, but it's pretty when I do use it). Whenever I use products that aren't Redken, I notice tons of my hair in the shower. Yuck.

Anyway, I totally get wanting to cool it on the new products for awhile, but I just wanted to put that thought in the back of your mind. Ask for some for Christmas or something.

Good luck with all your schoolwork!

Noo, I love hair product recommendations. It's just the skin ones I'm done with, because I'm tired of experimenting on a part of my body that's prone to lumps and sores. Wow that sounds disgusting. Anyway, I actually was asking around on the boards if anyone had experienced hair loss/dry-ass hair and how to minimize both, and got probably 1 reply from someone who started talking about something out of left field.

And I use Pantene, which for all intents & purposes is a drugstore shampoo? I've been using it for years. Back when my hair was reasonably healthy it works all right, so I wouldn't say it's a terrible shampoo, but you could be right that it's making my hair brittle/fall out. I've just always been hesitant to spend more than eight bucks on shampoo, and even then we get it in bulk. Perhaps I should switch if I want my hair to look better, though.

Also, silicones are bad??? Oh no. I bought some spray from Garnier the other week, called "Wondrous Waves" My hair tends to look like a pile of limp straw, though it's naturally wavy, so I thought maybe this stuff would help. When I tried it though, my hair felt really slippery and parts of it turned crunchy. Should I just take it back? It's not a terrible product, but if silicones = crappy hair, I probably should.

And thanks for the well wishes about school! It is completely and totally kicking my ass.

This post has been edited by duchamp: Nov 17 2009, 05:52 PM

Oh my goodness, Duchamp! I still absolutely love your log. I love how you talk about different things, and you seem so so awesome, and down to earth. It's great I lol'd at your newest post about posting so late, I always post so late too I hope your new dermatologist is better this time. I read your posts about how he said you'd still be breaking out afterwords. Eh =(. Is it the guy with the cocktail your going too, or did you find a different one? Andis your accutane going to be extended then, or did read wrong?

I hope you feel less stressed soon. Oh, and I have a question: Would you recommend tutorials/anyone that is good for covering acne?

Here's a little info about silicones and hair:

http://thebeautybrains.com/2007/01/29/are-...-for-your-hair/

Ignore the weird photo. I used to use Pantene a long time ago, then I read an article that talked about how vitamins can't really help your hair since your hair is dead and vitamins are meant to affect living cells. Something like vitamin e oil might be good for hair I guess, but only because of the oil.

Vampiric ninjas are the absolute best. Thanks for feeding my massive ego! Hahaha. And thanks very much for the well wishes and concern, both are definitely appreciated. And yes, I AM seeing the cocktail guy - I would. I mean, seriously. I made an appointment for late November and I'm hoping everything goes okay. If not, I will offer him a cocktail and manipulate him into doing things my way. I'm currently stringing 2 derms along - one who wants to end my course at the end of this month, and one I know zip about. He seems like he prescribes Accutane in a more traditional way, and I hope he'll understand that 5.5 months of 20 mg isn't enough to cure acne in the least. All I can do is hope, eh?

As for tutorials: hm, I do watch them obsessively when I'm procrastinating on things, but I'm never impressed by most of them because these girls start out with clear, mark-free, acne-free skin. I've only seen a couple girls who have 'something' to hide, and who have made videos that demonstrate good technique (): glintzy & dangerousde. My only gripe with these two is that if you don't like the products they're using, you won't be able to do the routines they recommend. dangerousde used drugstore/mineral makeup in hers - I avoid both - while glintzy basically just used Revlon Colorstay. Oh, and enkoremakeup has an acne scar covering video as well that I liked that you might want to check out.

How much are you aiming to cover? I think as long as you have a good, full-coverage foundation you probably don't need tutorials, especially if you pair that with a full-coverage concealer. You'll get even better coverage if you set with a mineral foundation.

nikkia - it is impossible to ignore the weird photo. I wonder why it's even there, but I appreciate it. And yeah, I've heard the same thing about vitamins and it's probably true, though suffocating or overdrying or heating hair will obviously lead to damage. I think it just tends to look healthier with certain products because they're so emollient. It's a decent idea to just condition with olive oil, instead of paying forty bucks for shampoo + conditioner, which I've been considering doing.

I found some stuff by Biolage I'd like to try, but I think a bottle at the drugstore is about 20 bucks. Maybe I'll buy it online, but drugstore overstock seems kind of offputting. I mean, how old is this stuff anyway? Nobody knows.

There are way too many words here and I'm really tired. But...

I'm about 10 days into month 6. My skin has been looking pretty gross lately, and the throbbing in my right cheek is back. It hasn't been the best of weeks for various reasons, so I haven't really cared to tend for my face as I should. Oh well. Popping my Accutane with cola is also not the best idea. I am working on that.

I've also been thinking about my hair quite a bit, trying to look at the loss objectively. I hear people freak out about losing more than five hairs while bathing, and that's just weird to me... it's FIVE HAIRS. Who cares. It's not unusual for me to lose small clumps of hair during a shower, even before Accutane. I guess I'm just more aware of it now that the hair doesn't seem to be regenerating. I was actually going to photo tonight's loss but my camera was out of batteries - and I really didn't fancy leaving a clump of hair on my bathroom counter 'for later.'

I wonder if good shampoo will even remedy this. I've been in a bit of a self-pitying mood lately so the hair loss makes me feel like a bit of a martyr, and confirmation that I am being crapped on by the world. It's dumb. And good night all, I'm spent.

And upon reviewing this entry, embarrassingly verbose. I should compose a saga.

This post has been edited by duchamp: Nov 18 2009, 06:23 AM

My skin feels/looks terrible lately. That persistent throbbing is back and it just gets worse every day. My hair is also worrying me. I waffle from not caring at all to being annoyed, and think part of the reason my skin's not up to par is how erratically I've been taking my pills. Also the massive amount of caffeine I've been drinking: lately I just go for broke and have about four cups in one sitting. They don't even wake me up anymore, but it's the least I can do to stay awake.

Hmm, coffee. Speaking of I have a Starbucks card to deplete. Delicious.

Anyway, my skin looks like crap. I'm getting little zits on my face as well, too. I've been having such a cruddy week(s) though that does it matter? I just wish the throbbing would go away, because honestly it feels like mice are living in my skin and punching away at it. So sick. This is what happens when you sleep seldom and supplement your lack of sleep with inhuman amounts of caffeine.

Something that puzzles me: why is my body so much darker than my face?

The skin on my face is pale enough that the veins underneath show through across my jaw. I don't mind this at all, but marks and such stand out much starker on pale skin. There's also the fact that my neck is about four shades darker, which is incomprehensible to me. I think my current foundation, which is too dark, matches my neck well, but then you see shocks of white where I failed to apply it on my jawline.

Very lame.