Dammit, I just keep breaking out worse and worse. I thought my acne was calming down considerably, then new breakouts from using that stupid mineral makeup - never again, I'm sticking to the same makeup as long as I have acne. Who knows how damn long that will be. I currently have on Queen Helene's mint julep masque, which doesn't do much for acne... but I figured I'd try clearing out my pores because my face just feels so dirty lately.

I'm going to start eating better and exercising a bit, though I don't think that will help much as it never has before. Two more weeks until Accutane, but I hate counting down my days like that... I shouldn't be spending my summer anticipating Accutane, then worrying about it when I finally do get on it. Jeez.

I just wish there was one damn spot treatment out there my skin would actually respond to consistently. These are pimples that BP would zap within the course of three days, but of course my skin can't tolerate that anymore. The MaMa isn't doing crap, just drying my skin out, and tea tree oil doesn't do anything but make my skin red and parched. So I'm completely out of topical options.

Please god let this Accutane thing work out. Upon first glance, my acne looks really quite easy to treat - it looks like it'd go away pretty quickly if you slapped the right topical on it. Unfortunately for me NO TOPICAL has worked so far. I want this stuff to calm down some so I can comfortably leave the house without feeling ashamed or greasy/over-made-up, but I guess that's not going to happen anytime soon. Today has been a really horrible, frustrating skin day, especially because a week ago I thought my skin was improving steadily. Jeez, acne sucks. I just want to be able to pull my hair back, slap on some sunscreen, and go swimming all day with my friends. But no, I have to spend an hour applying foundation and concealer and even then it doesn't cover anything. I'm so tired of this.

I am currently avoiding using anything on my face, and am taking my birth control pill and a multivitamin daily. A lot of my recent breakout is due to irritation from using mineral makeup, so I think the breakout should calm down (if not subside completely) if I leave my skin alone. I've just been washing with glycerin soap for the past couple days, and the smaller pustules have calmed down a bit. I still have large papules that take ages to go away, but I'll deal with that once my face is less of an inflamed mess.

I may start using MaMa again on the sides of my nose and my upper lip, which break out in small pimples that respond well to AHAs. And that's about it. Two more weeks until Accutane. I wish my doc had prescribed me something to help with the IB and the red marks, but I guess he's waiting for out intermittent visits to do so - he understands that I'm paying out of pocket and doesn't insist on having me in constantly when I'm not even on Accutane yet.

Day 1 of "fast." I read that water-fasting for up to seven days was great at clearing acne, which I guess is plausible because you're clearing out toxins and avoiding putting anything in your body that could produce an adverse reaction.

Thing is, I also suspect I'm very mildly hypoglycemic, and not eating at all probably has more of an effect on me than it would on somebody else. I have not eaten in about 24 hours, and could hardly get myself out of bed because I was feeling so weak. Kind of ridiculous in that I would never survive the apocalypse; I'd probably get eaten a day in. But I digress.

For now, I figure I need to take in something with nutrients. This will greatly hamper the progress of my fast, but then again I'm just having Vitamin Water. And then laying down and playing dead. Actually the thought of eating anything other than fresh fruit is repulsive right now, especially something like meat.

This may not be the best idea considering I'm nowhere near overweight, meaning I hardly have extra fat stores to spare. Then again, the nutritionist I saw a couple months back told me that my lack of activity has led to massive fat stores in my body, despite my normal weight, so perhaps I have plenty to feed on! Ugh. I am just pissed that I can't handle something like a simple 3-day water fast. My skin will probably not improve if I have to take in juices. I also don't know if I can work in this state; I certainly can't call in so I may have to cut this shit short. Goddammit. I feel like crap.

ETA: had some Vitamin Water, feel a bit better. I'm doing this because I've been eating very unhealthy food and drinking way too much soda/coffee for the past three or four years, ever since I started college. Fast food is convenient and coffee is necessary for somebody like me, who can barely stay awake despite eight full hours of sleep. So I know my body is a trash dump full of toxins, and I don't think 'going organic' or 'eating healthy' (said very sarcastically) will clear them completely, if at all. If it's nothing something drastic, it will probably not help. Still, I really don't know how much longer I can do this because it honestly feels like I have the flu.

ETA2: I gave up, I was too nauseous. I fail. I may attempt a 2-3 day fast over the weekend though, when I don't have work. At least I can be nauseated without having to worry about the grind. Anyway, I felt immediately better after eating something. I did notice though, after washing my face, that it had calmed down noticeably. Many of the pustules I had were beginning to dry up and scab, and even the papules didn't seem as swollen and angry. I guess not getting nutrients = dead bacteria, or something.

Obviously I have ruined this by going off my fast, but am thinking of going on an all-veg/all-fruit diet for the next few days, just to survive, and to prepare myself for a real fast. It's a short-term solution in a way, but I would really like to clear out some of these toxins. It will be really difficult though, as I didn't realize my body would respond so negatively.

Another thing that may be helping my skin is that I've been drinking tons of water. Not too much by anyone else's standards, but at least 70 oz. a day, which is more than 8 glasses of water. I force down about three Vitamin Water-sized bottles of water a day, which has me peeing like no other. Very annoying, but probably a good thing. Again, what a pain in the ass when I have to work. Geez. I'm just running these stupid experiments until I can finally get on Accutane, which is around June 3. Which isn't too far off, actually, thank god.

Okay, so my verdict on the fast is quite promising. I guess this indicates that I'm not eating right, and I'm also guessing that has something to do with a lot of my diet consisting of carbs. It's really easy to fill up on grains, but I suppose it doesn't matter to my body whether I'm eating white or wheat bread.

Anyway, I'm sure my skin won't look so good tomorrow because I ate two (albeit small) meals today, but I'm hoping the extra water helps clarify some of that. Fasting briefly has had the sort of effect a good topical would - smaller pimples are drying up and bigger ones seem calmer. Except the areas where I put on MaMa, but oh well. I think this is a quite good treatment, and I know that water-fasting (or juice fasting, in my case; I think a full week-long or so water fast would be too much to handle) is hard on the body, but it should be fine as long as I'm not doing this chronically in an anorexic fashion.

Until Thursday or so, I'm going to limit food consumption and kind of just eat so I can function at work. I'm going to try to eat ONLY vegetables and some less sugary fruits (like tomatoes), and for energy some lean meats as protein (frozen chicken cutlets). That's about it, and lots of water. No grains whatsoever, regardless of how hungry I get. Then from Thursday night to about Sunday morning (depending on what my work schedule is), I fast. Water fast for the first couple days, then if it gets too hard introduce a fruit or veggie juice.

Okay... so my face feels like it's burning for some weird reason. I haven't applied a single topical on it and just have regular makeup (which I've been using for years) on my face: foundation and concealer. I finally just gave up the ghost and went all out, meaning I caked it on like there was no tomorrow. Really thick, pancake-makeup-style makeup application is plain unappealing to me, and I hate when skin/face makeup looks completely obvious... but I don't really have a choice here, do I? At least thick, thick pancake-style makeup covers many (though not all, or even most) of my red marks and actives.

And yeah, like I said in a previous post, there are many. Probably 100 or more, I'd say, if you include scars and hyperpigmentation. Rest assured that every single blemish on my face, no matter how small (and they are never small) turns into a dark red mark or a slightly indented scar. And considering I've gotten probably around 200-300 pimples in the past 6 months... you do the math.

I'm still avoiding topicals for fear of irritating my skin, but avoiding them means I can't prevent anything new from surfacing. MaMa lotion sucks at getting rid of papules, but I've noticed that they pop up at a slower rate when I don't apply it at all. I had wanted to steer clear until these irritated pimples settled down, but it doesn't seem like they want to. They were flattening during my fast, but of course I ate something and they sprung right back up overnight. At this point I really do feel there's nothing I can do. I don't know what else I can apply, and there are no more pills I can take. Diet changes haven't been working for me, and fasting is really, really difficult a task for me to undertake.

I'm thinking of just going on an ice cream binge until I get my Accutane. Time goes by so slowly, you wouldn't believe. I still have a little less than two weeks until I see my derm again and get my prescription. I feel like I'm wasting my entire summer hiding my zitty face from the world and waiting to start Accutane. I should probably just give up on treating my face by myself altogether, because I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm completely out of options. It really sucks to see that every single girl I've run into so far (literally) doesn't have a stitch of makeup on, and looks all the better for it. I feel like some sort of 60-year-old woman who's smeared a truckload of pancake makeup on their face. It is very, very uncomfortable, but it's either that or a) stay home and b) get fired for not wearing any makeup to work, because of course it looks unprofessional when you show up with pores the size of Texas and 4,000 pimples on your face.

I can't stand my skin anymore.

As usual, I've had an unpleasantly long day, exacerbated by my skin. I was really hoping that leaving it alone would calm down irritation, but that hasn't really been the case. I suspect that some pustules have flattened because they burst and drained in the shower. Once I pop something, it goes away quite quickly (while leaving a dark, dark red/purple mark + surface scarring), but I typically only get very large papules and cysts.

I currently have about eight cysts on my face, both right and left sides. They're both breaking out badly - the right had calmed down for a bit, and I was just trying to get rid of three large papules, which is VERY good because I am usually dealing with 15+ on that side. Well, turns out that couldn't last long and I have had four new cysts come up on my right (usually worst) side. I guess my face is generously trying to balance out the scarring and acne on both sides.

I am not exaggerating in the least when I say I am at my wit's end. It's like I have both hands tied behind my back; there's not a single thing I can do for myself or my skin anymore. I don't know if I should continue with MaMa, or keep doing nothing, or what. The MaMa dries out and irritates my skin while making my red marks dark and irritated, but maybe it'll prevent other pimples from coming up. I don't know. This is very distressing because the cysts that came up on my right side are very large and dark purple.

Even my forehead, which isn't a problem area (breaks out in small pimples usually) is covered in hundreds of milia-like comedones. Literally hundreds. The pores on my nose look huge, and the only area on my face that looks halfway normal is my jawline. Now that I've said that I'll probably get severe cystic acne there, that's the way the world seems to work. I just can't even see any of my skin anymore, and every time I glance in the mirror with no makeup on I feel like I'm staring at a pile of hamburger meat. It makes me want to barf.

Every week, I'm amazed (especially after reading old posts on this log) that my skin is even worse than I thought it could possibly get. I don't know why it's looking so ugly, I really don't, just as I'm gearing up for Accutane. I have not changed anything significantly, and I seriously think something is off internally that's making my face react this way. I don't know what. I've been getting a lot of sleep and eating all right, so what the hell is the problem?

I have been really frightened about taking Accutane, and cringe every time I read about other people's side effects. But I truly, truly believe that there is nothing else that will work for me. I even suspect that one course won't eliminate the problem entirely, but if it makes my acne more manageable (and pushes it back to mild again), it will still be worth it. I'm tired of having even my scalp hurt from breakouts. I'm now getting them on my chest and back, where I have never broken out before. I always feel oily and dirty, and I feel like I smell filthy constantly, even though I bathe daily.

I feel so incredibly uncomfortable in my skin, and I'm just appalled that it could get this bad. I didn't think it was possible, I didn't think I'd be dealing with an issue like this in my twenties. I always react negatively when my skin breaks out, but it's so bad that I can't feel anything but flabbergasted. I want so badly to get on Accutane RIGHT NOW, but of course that's not possible. My derm has done all he can, and my biggest regret now is that I didn't see him sooner. If I had just gone in April, I could have gone on Accutane immediately after school let out and saved myself a lot of pain and scarring.

I am also determined to ask for prednisone. The guy is pretty understanding, so I think he'll at least take my request into consideration. I am fairly sure I will have a bad IB, and have decided to go with a normal-dose course a) so I can get it over with quickly (don't want to be on this stuff for 6-9 months) b) because treatment costs are cheaper when they're not prolonged and c) because I can't afford to be taking Accutane all through fall semester. My acne doesn't cause terrible scarring, but I have noticed that recent breakouts have given me indented, round scars all over my cheeks and temples, and I do NOT want to deal with hundreds more of these. If my own body can produce this number (hundreds) of people in just three months, I'm sure it's capable of producing twice more when encouraged by Accutane.

I don't know what to do with myself meanwhile. Lots of things in my life are going very, very badly right now, and I have destroyed a good number of relationships because I refuse to be seen. It's not true that people, even people you care about, will accept you all the way, exactly as you are. They will look at you and be disgusted, especially if you're romantically involved. Why in the world would someone with clear skin want to even be near somebody that looks like me? I am not, and would not be this isolated and avoidant if I wasn't utterly ashamed of the way I look.

Eh, end rant, I guess. What can I do, anyway? I feel so ugly every day.

Weird stuff has been happening lately.

I intended to start eating fruits/vegetables exclusively over the past three days, but didn't have the time to acquire fruits/vegetables and pretty much ended up eating what I could so I could function normally at work. The most I've been doing is eating less - I typically try to fill up on a large meal before doing anything that requires energy, but I've just been eating as much as I need and letting myself go hungry the rest of the time, until I really want/need food.

I've been using MaMa, but only on areas without those deep-seated pimples. I guess it has been helping, but not too much. I've also been using a moisturizer containing an AHA, but only on small patches of broken-out areas. Don't know if it's helping, but at least moisturizer isn't as irritating as a normal topical is.

The oddest thing I've noticed about my face so far is that it's been scabbing. I don't pop and I don't dare pick my worst areas, so I don't know why this is happening. It's like they're erupting and scabbing on their own, probably overnight as these don't ooze through my makeup. I'd rather have scabs than bumps, but then again I don't know what's underneath the scabbing. These should probably drop off in a few days; I'm not going to pick them off.

Final note, I'm wondering what sleep has to do with my breakouts. For the past two or three months, I've been sleeping very badly. I started breaking out abnormally around March, when my sleep habits were bad, but not deplorable (pretty much the same as they usually are). Then around April or so, I began going to bed pretty much at dawn while preparing for exams and such, and this carried over into May. If I slept, it was usually past 5 or 6 AM. These habits are extremely hard to break, and I still end up sleeping around dawn, almost every day.

The other day, someone on the boards mentioned 'getting the full benefits of a melatonin cycle,' and that got me to wondering. I know sleep is restorative for the entire body, including the immune system which affects the inflammatory response which in turn affects acne, and wondered if my sleeping habits were exacerbating my problem. I think my skin would still be pretty bad if I slept normally, but perhaps I'm making it worse than it has to be. I've been asking around the boards, but so far no one has replied... probably because no one sleeps as badly as I do.

I know melatonin is produced at night, and that it's optimal to go to bed around 9 PM so you can a full 8 hours of darkness before the sun rises at 5 AM (now that it's summer). I also know night workers don't get the full benefits of melatonin because they're sleeping in the day. Since melatonin is secreted in the dark, it would make sense that it would not be secreted (or secreted in much smaller quantities) in the day time. I've tried to bypass this by wearing an eye mask, but apparently that isn't enough.

Oh, and the Internet says melatonin heals by blocking glucocorticoids, which apparently induce the inflammatory response. I am probably preventing my body from healing by not getting quality, nighttime sleep. I always sort of assumed that as long as you slept, it didn't matter when you did it - I have relatives that work night shifts and while it's weird to see someone sleeping all through the day, they seem normal enough. It's kind of frightening to think of what goes on underneath, then.

Anyway, so my plan for now is a) to fast (though I will probably take in fruit juice/Vitamin Water along with water so my blood sugar doesn't go insane) b) continue moisturizing and using minimal topicals and c) start sleeping at 9 PM when my job permits for it.

Scabs aren't, as I thought, the result of my skin magically healing. I know this because I was able to pull them off today using tweezers - they came right off. I've figured out that they're forming because my acne is oozing. It starts to do this after I wash my face, for some reason.

So, my skin looks bad as ever. Makeup helps a lot, but every time I take it off it's like a minefield exploded in my face. What's worse, my mom installed some weird showerhead in our only bathroom and now I can't even bathe. When I turn on the water, a perfumey, body-wash-type scent comes out of the water, because there's something in the showerhead. She told me it's 'vitamins' and that it will improve my skin, but do I REALLY want to take that chance? Hell no. I can't even count how many times I've tired something that was 'supposed' to work that ended up making my skin four hundred times worse. I mean, it just happened recently and that breakout is here to stay. She KNOWS how anal I am about what goes on my face - this is like handing me a bottle of some random lotion and happily telling me it will clear my face. Do you think I haven't TRIED myself? Dammit.

If I don't shower daily, I get extremely greasy. Even the skin on my body gets oily, and my hair gets very dirty if it's not washed every single day. The showerhead's on for good, meaning I can't bathe until the scented soap in the water runs out. It smells exactly like perfume, and there is NO WAY I'm dousing my face in that. I am unbelievably pissed off right now. Every time I try something new, a disaster happens. I'm not putting perfume water on my face.

I need to move the hell out so shit like this doesn't happen. SO ANGRY. And I smell like shit.

Yeah I have to shower everyday too! My hair is very fine and it gets oily fast. I always take my showers in the early afteroon. If I take showers at night, by the time I wake up in the morning, I am oily all over again.

OMG no dont pull the scabs off!

Ugh, I know what you mean. I've always showered at night, but by the morning I find that my hair isn't 'clean' anymore. I must be really, really oily, because I have very thick hair that used to take 3 or 4 days to get dirty. Not that it matters now, because I can't shower anyway. I'll probably get shit if I take off the shower filter, but I read online that "Vitamin C filters" (that's what I think this is; my mom doesn't know anything apparently) take about 6 months to run out.

I'm still adamantly against using that water, because it smells like perfume. Would I spray perfume all over my face while I'm trying to calm down a severe breakout? Um, yeah, I didn't think so. She told me to just try it, and I informed her that EVERY time, EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME I try something new, my skin reacts badly. Why do you think I'm not using any topicals? Why do you think I'm using the same makeup I've had for five years? Why do you think I'm just washing with soap and water? You can't even turn off the 'perfumed water' option on the stupid showerhead, I probably won't be able to shower for 6 months now. We do have another bathroom, but my idiotic parents have cluttered the bathtub with so much junk (heavy, industrial junk that I can't move by myself) that it's completely unuseable.

I don't even know. I guess I could try removing the showerhead and replacing it, but I will (hilariously) have to do this every single time I shower. Wow, I hate my family even more than I usually do. They know full well how careful I am with my skin, and now I can't even bathe. Assholes. Goddammit.

And Molly, they kind of drop off on their own - they're the kind of scabs/dry skin patches that crop up when pimples leak. I don't pop anything, so I don't usually get bloody scabs. And for some reason, the 'scabs' are on the very surface of my skin and 'flake off' after a day of wearing makeup. They don't leave behind scarring and I think they'd just clog pores if I left them on there. I have plenty of other reasons to worry about scarring - like, say, the millions of cystic pimples on my face - so these are actually nothing in comparison.

On that note, I visit my derm in 9 days and go on Accutane two days after that. It has been a long, long wait. I probably won't be able to shower for the next two weeks. UGH. I have a horrible cystic breakout, so thanks for trying to make that worse.

As for my skin, BIG NEWS EVERYONE!!! It still looks like complete shit.

It really, really sucks when you have an inch of makeup (or what feels like it) on your face and that STILL doesn't cover your cysts and red marks. Oh my god. I just spend an HOUR applying foundation and concealer and everything still shows through. About 60-70% is covered, but you can see the discoloration and redness all over, since I have hundreds of red marks on my face.

My right side - where you can hardly see any skin for the red marks - is easier to cover because they're older red marks. The ones on the left, where I've gotten about five or six cysts (thanks, True Minerals, you're going in the trash) are IMPOSSIBLE to cover. It's partly because my foundation sucks - it's only light/medium coverage. I really need to get myself a full coverage one, but am terrified to try any new makeup on my face.

Every single damn time I do, I get a huge cystic breakout. It would save me a lot of trouble if I had a full coverage foundation though, I wouldn't have to dot concealer over my face 400 times to cover anything (which it doesn't). Oh, dammit. I hate my face.

Ow my skin hurts. This MaMa is stronger than usual today. Ow ow ow ow ow.

I'm breaking out as usual, no surprise there. This time I'm getting uninflamed things too. I broke my streak of not using any product because I need to stop new stuff in its tracks; no topicals was working surprisingly well, actually much better than using topicals ever did, but no treatments mean no prevention of new breakouts. I'm trying to take care of that with MaMa but who knows.

I really just came on to say I'm going on Accutane in 7 days. Well, my derm appointment is in one week exactly, and I get my pills a couple days after that. I'm both excited and extremely apprehensive. I will probably pray daily that this goes all right, though I'm not at all a religious person. Anyway... since I'm going on 'tane in a week, there's no real point in starting an aggressive new regimen. I'm kind of just going to use MaMa/do nothing for the next week, and maybe fast a little, as I have the week off from work.

I'd like to exercise more, but real exercise is pretty annoying to do when you're wearing makeup. I'm too self-conscious to go out without it, especially as my 'exercise' would be biking around town. I'd also like to tan a little bit, not because I think tan skin is attractive (I really don't, except on a few people who can pull it off beautifully - and I don't mean you, Lindsay Lohan/orange women worldwide), but because I think the extra Vitamin D would help with my acne. The reason I don't is that tanning also means darker/longer-lasting hyperpigmentation.

Anyway, Accutane. And Makeup Alley is pretty fun.

I really really wish Cargo made a full coverage foundation, I really love what I'm using now but it's just NOT enough coverage. The texture is really silky, the finish is great, and it's very noncomedogenic (unless I sleep with on of course), and the packaging lets you get every last drop. BUT IT'S TOO LIGHT. Coverage is buildable, but the most you'll get is slightly medium coverage, not even full medium. It's fantastic at evening out redness and uneven tone, but it does hardly anything for red marks and such. It was my HG makeup back when my skin was decent (mostly mild acne), but it's just not cutting the cheese. And that makes me sad, because I really don't want to switch.

I'm currently considering:

1) MAC Studio Sculpt
2) Cover FX
3) Estee Lauder Double Wear

I'm leaning toward Cover FX because I think it's super pigmented, but reviews say I should also invest in a primer and setting powder - uh, no. Primers freak me out generally (when I think primer, I think potential breakout), and I never bother with setting powder anymore. My makeup gets oily faster and doesn't last as long, but I wear such a thick layer that it generally stays put for hours. I just don't know how gentle Cover FX is on breakouts.

Please Cargo, just make a better coverage foundation. Save me the search, dammit.

Three new pimples, who's surprised? I think they have something to do with the questionable foods I consumed yesterday, but oh well. I'm seeing my derm on Monday, so suck it, acne.

I keep hearing that it's okay to use a mild topical on Accutane, especially if you discontinue it when your skin starts drying up massively, and SO I'm going to ask for Klaron lotion, which a user on here recommended to me. It's gotten great reviews on the treatment reviews page, and is supposed to be very gentle. And the generic version is cheap, so I won't be taking a huge monetary risk.

I'm tired of going to my GP for these topical prescriptions every time I need one - he's pretty old and ends up flipping through his pillbook for what feels like three hours - so I'm just going to call the derm who prescribed me Accutane and ask him to call it in. I'm hoping it will calm down some of the cysts that have been merrily sitting on my face for weeks. And if it doesn't work, no harm, no foul.

The only thing that seems to heal up speeding for my pimples is popping them. And no, I don't pop my acne but (gross tidbit), they sometimes pop in the shower by themselves, especially because the water pressure is impossible to adjust sometimes. I have several more on my face that are just asking to be popped - they've been on there forever - but they just won't come to a head and I'm not about go digging around in them.

I called my derm about Klaron, but I don't think the receptionist even bothered to ask him. She said she'd call me back three hours ago, but nothing. I guess that's just as well, because even Costco is selling the generic version for $60 - I should probably just wait until I'm insured to get it, which should be fairly soon. Oh well. And apparently you don't have to avoid topicals like the plague on Accutane, and sodium sulfacetamide is supposed to be very, very mild. I'll just use it at the beginning of my course or something, hopefully it's better than all the other random crap I've tried.

And... my derm appointment is on Monday, so I can bring it up again then. I just need to get a pregnancy test before I go, don't know where I can do this apart from one of the free clinics around here. Hopefully it doesn't take four hundred years, considering I haven't made an appointment in advance. We'll see, I guess. I don't know why it's not enough to have me pee on a stick again, jeez.

My appointment is on Monday, but I'm allowed to start the pill I think on Wednesday. So in about a week, I'll be on Accutane. I really need to start stocking up on supplements. Trying to avoid wearing makeup because it seems to make my skin itchy an irritated lately, but this means I can't go anywhere, which sucks. The only place I wanted to go really was Starbucks but I guess it's a good thing I'm not going.

Good Luck on your course of Accutane!

It must be really irritating for you to keep taking pregnancy tests, huh? And that iPLEDGE quiz thing I heard about. They can't make it simple for people... haha

Again, Good Luck! keep us updated!

Aw, thanks for the support, Lemonz, it's sweet of you to say. I will definitely keep everyone updated on how the Accutane course goes, I'm curious myself.

So, going on Accutane very soon... still haven't gotten my pregnancy test done yet so I really better get on that. Jeez. I'm going tomorrow for sure. My insurance kicks in on Monday, so thankfully the pills and the forthcoming blood/pregnancy tests will be covered by that. Generics have a low co-pay, so that's good as well. I don't really know how I feel about Accutane, at this point I'm just pushing it to the back of my mind. Speculating obsessively isn't going to help any.

In other news, I came on to say that I'm pretty depressed about my skin right now. It's always fluctuating, and I'm just exhausted with it. It was calming down yesterday and I felt pretty good about my makeup today, and even dressed up a bit. It seemed my face was calming down, so I was happy about that. But I wash everything off tonight and get in the shower, and find that various pimples around my face that were small/fading have blown up to painful proportions. So, fed up, I just put MaMa all over my face but I really don't like using it anymore... I don't like the consistency, don't like the smell, don't like how it feels on my skin, and hate that it burns. I guess I've gotten used to using nothing, but I'm now also breaking out in uninflamed acne so I kind of have to use MaMa.

I guess Accutane should take care of it, but I don't feel comfortable pinning all my hopes on it. And I'm scared of the side effects of course, and of the initial breakout. I don't even want to think about how dry my skin will get. One day at a time, I guess. I just feel so uncomfortable in my skin right now, literally. It stings and it feels masklike and it throbs. I really should just sleep, I need it.

Okay, got my pregnancy test done today and had the results faxed in to my derm. I am, unsurprisingly, not pregnant. All that's left to do now is to visit the derm and get my script, since I've jumped all the hurdles I'm supposed to have jumped until now. I'm also going to wait until Monday to ask for Klaron as well, since there's no sense in getting it now - it's actually quite expensive without insurance, which kicks in on Monday.

So far I'm stocking up on stuff I'll need for Accutane, and have bought the following supplements:

- Vitamin E
- Glucosamine (for joints)
- Omega 3, 6, 9
- fish oil pills
- Vitamin C

And I've got some Zinc and magnesium pills at home. So I've kind of got the supplement base covered, just need to drink more water.

As for the topicals I'll need... I pretty much just need to pick up a cheap, strong sunscreen for the body and I think I'm going to invest in a Neutrogena oil-free moisturizer with SPF (goes up to 45, I believe). I wear makeup almost daily, so I think I'm going to continue using my regular soap to cleanse - there's no way Cetaphil is capable of getting off anything other than facial oils. So all I need is moisturizer and sunblock.

My skin looks like crap lately, so I'm looking forward to this. I've just been waiting for May to end, thanks to Accutane.

Okay, so this is officially an Accutane log. I got my prescription today, and will be allowed to pick it up in a few days - once my 28 days have passed, and once I fill in some more questionnaires for iPledge.

My doctor prescribed a low-dose course, which kind of surprised and disappointed me. He said he'd rather not risk the side effects that come along with a higher-dose course, and said a low-dose course would be most appropriate for someone as tall as I am - I weigh between 100-110 lbs and I am 5'3. I told him I was concerned that my course would last much longer than necessary, but he insisted that it wouldn't be much longer than a high-dose course and that he didn't want to take any chances because some of my labs showed low concentrations of, uh, such and such in my liver.

I know he made the right decision, but I'm not ecstatic about it. He's a good derm, though - this means I won't get a huge IB and won't risk enormous side effects. So yeah, I think it's worked out all right and I needn't worry excessively about whether or not I'll be permanently messed up from Accutane. I also think I can juggle a low-dose course while I'm in school, which is also well and good... school demands notwithstanding. All in all, it went very well.

I also got some sodium sulfacetamide (generic for Klaron) - which I have yet to pick up - and some hydroquinone lotion for the hundreds of red marks on my face. I just need to buy a decent moisturizer/sunscreen, and think I'll be sticking with my usual cleanser and makeup. I'm going to continue taking my supplements daily to minimize absolutely any possible side effects.

So welcome to my Accutane log, guys. I never thought I'd be saying that, but here it is. I don't think I'll have any need for anything as strong as prednisone on a low-dose course, which is also good... I was not looking forward to asking for that. So, cheers. I'll update in a few days once I get all my prescriptions filled.

So far I'm not doing anything in particular to my skin - MaMa lotion is a sticky pain in the neck so I usually skip it these days. I just wash my face and sleep, basically - no lotion, no nothing. And that's that for now.

ETA: silly me, I forgot to even mention the dose I'm on. He was going to keep me on 10 mg, but once I expressed my misgivings we compromised on alternating between 10 and 20 mg - so I'm basically on "15."

Okay, the quality of my skin has been different since I started supplements and not in a good way, either. I'm getting random painful pimples in places I rarely ever break out, and my skin is about twice as oily as normal. Other blemishes have swollen and won't heal. I'm tempted to stop supplements altogether, because if this keeps up they will just hinder the Accutane from doing its job.

I'm guessing it's the Omegas that are doing it; they're the most likely culprit. I've read that Omega 6 exacerbates inflammation so woo hoo on that. I may just substitute the Omega vitamins with a fish oil pill, I don't know yet. But the boils lining my upper lip say I'm taking a break from Omega supplements until I go on Accutane.