Okay, so I've gone and removed a great number of my posts, which is why my log is currently empty. I'm going through a period in my life I'd rather not articulate, but this means I kind of want to exist as least as possible on the Internet - partly because I don't want to be found by certain people. I've also realized that I post far too often on the forums, and have been doing so while I isolate myself from the world and shirk duties (thanks in part to my skin).

I will still be updating this thing, but probably more seldom than I have been. I tend to come on here most often when I'm feeling badly about how things are going, so hopefully cutting back a bit will help some. I'm still on the same regimen, MaMa lotion + Aczone, and haven't noticed any appreciable changes - my face is continuing to get more and more hyperpigmented, and existing lesions are still healing very slowly. I'm seeing a dermatologist tomorrow, finally, for Accutane, and I will definitely update you all on how that goes. I really hope it works out and that I finally get to go on Accutane, because it's really time to nip this problem in the bud. Other than that, I'm trying to stay positive... for once.

In case this derm doesn't work out, I've found another who basically said he'd prescribe me Accutane if my blood tests came out normal. The only catch he had was that his clinic requires a patient to undergo a 4-week course of treatment on birth control, antibiotics, and topicals, just to 'prove' they're committed. I wrote him back and said I've never been more serious anything about my skin, and that I need to get the majority of my course in over the summer - there's no way I can manage my final year of school while weak, tired and stupid on Accutane. Hopefully he's understanding about this (because I'm already on birth control and have tried a slew of different antibiotics, which haven't helped me), and we can work something out. Even so, at least I've got back-up. That's all for now, everyone.

I'm just going to add onto this post for now; just wanted to share a bit of excitement. My biggest worry about Accutane is, of course, not being prescribed it - for the longest time, I've been under the impression that a derm will *not* allow it unless they absolutely have to give it to you. I've been stressing about my visit to tomorrow's derm since I set it up, for fear he won't be willing to give me Accutane - or worse, put me on a round of random medications to 'try' and clear me. Well, the consultation fee isn't that much so I'll go anyway, but the doctor I mentioned above (with the 4-week course) has emailed me back to say that he's willing to bypass the month-long treatment before he prescribes Accutane.

Basically he told me to make an appointment and that if I qualified (once he looks at my face and gets a bit more of my history, which I've already described to him), I could get entered into the system that day. Wow, I'm really happy about this... I was afraid he would insist I do the 4-week treatment, but I guess he's willing to forego that because I'm already on birth control and don't respond to antibiotics, anyway. I'm setting up an appointment with this derm directly after finals; I'm tempted to just skip tomorrow's appointment because I have a ton of studying to do - and just go to the other derm. Ah, I don't know.

We'll see, but I'm really happy this is finally starting to work out a bit. Most of the other derms I've consulted have given me extremely ambiguous answers (we do prescribe Accutane, ubt you'll first need to pay a $150 consultation fee just so we can look at you briefly), or have turned me away because I don't have severe, nodulocystic acne. So, woo hoo. This is one ray of light in my otherwise emotionally taxing, crappy crappy week.

Be strong, man! Have you been to a derm? They can get you some pretty powerful stuff. A product that has worked for me is something called Glytone. It has helped clear up my skin a lot. But I think you are in... Asia, I beleive? I do not know how it is there.

Al I can say is I'm praying for you. Acne sucks, in addition to all of our other awful stuff in life. Good luck, man.

You're using too much stuff.....

note to self: dont ever buy grandpas pine tree soap

I hear you. Ive had acne for twelve years and frankly, I am also sick of it

Ive had it since twelve or thireen, I think thirteen, the same year I started my period. I had severe acne back then, junior high sucks! I thought those two years would never end. There was one year where I didnt get any pimples at all and then as soon as I moved out of my parents house (I moved out at 22) my face has been breaking out constantly again and its nonstop. I break out everyday. What about you, do you get new breakouts everyday?

If you dont mind sharing, duchamp, do you have teenage or adult acne? How old are you

Maybe its a coincidence and its not the aczone thats causing it. The thing about acne is there are so many contributing factors. Thats why its hard to figure out the main cause

Ive decided to stop using epiduo. It hurts my skin so badly!

Initially, I used epiduo on my entire face but I couldnt bare it. I tried it for three or four weeks and then I tried it on just my nose and it still felt my face had caugh on fire. My skin is very very sensitive. Its okay. So do I



NO, do not peel it off! That will scar

I just wanted to say that I've read through your whole log and I'm really rooting for you to get the ok for Acutane and I hope it works out. I just got the Regimen in today and I'm very excited to use it. No one deserves acne, and I'll be rooting for yours to clear up. I'll stay tuned. Good luck!

Okay guys, guess what...

This is soon to be an Accutane log!

I was terrified that my derm wouldn't work out because it was the first time I saw him, but my appointment couldn't have gone better. Of course I'm not on the pill yet so I can't say anything definitive, but you can bet he's going to get an excellent review from me in about a month. Maybe sooner... I couldn't be happier with my choice. He was really articulate and understanding, and didn't even charge me for the consultation fee even though our meeting lasted for an hour or more. He's also cut my consultation fee in half and cued me into how I can get my blood tested for cheap, meaning consultations *and* blood tests will cost me less than $150 total, probably around $100 if I can find a really cheap clinic (and I probably can because my mom used to work in a hospital). I'm already on birth control which I get at a free clinic, so no costs there. I'm thinking he's going to put me on about 40 mg, given my weight, so pill costs will probably range from about $150-200 generic. I'm thinking it will be feasible to do this out-of-pocket, and am even reconsidering insurance (which is quite pricey in itself).

Anyway, we discussed my history with acne and he said Accutane would work well for the kind I have (moderate, persistent). He agreed we ought to nip this before I get more hyperpigmentation, and suggested I start using a prescription hydroquinone cream for the red marks for now. Seriously, I love this guy. He made me feel really comfortable and was really efficient. I'm now entered in the iPledge system and just have to sign myself up. Then I get my bloodwork done on Friday, submit that, and start Accutane in June.

I'm really, really happy this worked out. And for all you naysayers, I am exercising as much caution as I can on a drug like this. The only thing we didn't get around to discussing was what I would use in the month before going on Accutane... I want to calm my face down a bit if I can and mimimize the initial breakout. I'm going to ask him and around the boards about that, meanwhile.

So, woo hoo! I love my derm. I'm over the moon. He is super nice, I like his receptionist, and was pleased to find their office was not only spotless but stocked with plenty of bottles of elegant pink lemonade. Amazing. And thirst-inducing.

ETA: Now edited with pictures. Sorry about the blacking out; I'm just really paranoid that someone I know will recognize me. Anyway, this is my skin at present. It's actually worse than the pictures indicate, because my crummy camera is rather low-resolution - it automatically blurs when you're not using flash, even with adequate light - and using the flash would kind of defeat the purpose of taking these photos, no?

So yeah, skin's not looking good. Cheek skin is the most conspicuous when there's acne on it, especially when it gets inflamed, so it sucks that my breakouts are concentrated there. It's surprising to see myself in the mirror or even in these photos, because I usually just skip over the mirror when I can help it. You don't need a mirror to apply MaMa, which is my primary topical, so I just don't bother looking. I had been using Aczone about for about a week prior to taking these photos, and it seemed to be making my skin worse (even my mom commented on it). Oh well.

It's easier to stay calm about my crap skin now that I know I've been entered into iPledge. I'm apprehensive about the IB, but I figure two or three months of absolutely horrid skin is worth years of clear skin. I have generally good skin (apart from, of course, the acne) - I don't have enlarged pores except on my nose, and the texture's generally smooth. If the inflamed acne was gone, I'd have fairly decent skin, and that's where Accutane comes in. I'll update once I've gotten my bloodwork done, I'm praying it all works out well.

I'm updating a month later, and my skin is MUCH worse than these photos show. For all you naysayers, I need to be on Accutane, I don't want to hear your horror stories.

I am currently very, very broken out, moreso than I ever have been since... ever. I have pustules on the left side that are drying up a bit, but about ten large papules have sprung up on my right side. They're very hard to cover up, so I gave up after about twenty minutes. My chin, however, isn't aching with cysts and the cysts I thought I was getting under my lip have turned into whiteheads that are drying up as well. I still get residual pains randomly on my chin, which usually means a new pimple, as it never stays cyst-free for long. I'm noticing this mainly because I haven't worn makeup in a week, so I haven't really had the chance to closely examine my face. Oh well. Looks gross, but I'm trying not to get too down about it.

To be honest, I'm not going to feel 100% okay about all this until my blood tests come out, and until I have my second blood/pregnancy test and get the absolute green light from my doctor. I've been really tired lately and have been guzzling way too much coffee thanks to finals week, so I'm not quite healthy right now. I don't know; I want to get this over with as soon as possible and I hope that everything goes okay. Enough thinking for now; it's best not to think about things like this.

I'm not here to report any appreciable change because there hasn't been some, apart from surface peeling that I took care of with tweezers. As I was doing this under good lighting, I realized for the first time that I actually do have scarring. It's not extremely noticeable - it's pretty much only visible under bright light when I have no makeup on. They look like chicken pox pock marks, only much smaller. I also have some larger identation-type scarring where bigger pimples subsided. Keep in mind that I never pop my acne or otherwise aggravate my face; I'll sometime scratch away at rough whitehead/plugs on my nose, but I don't break out there and have huge pores there so it's not like scarring would be visible among them.

I didn't know my acne had gotten that bad, but I've acquired these scars in literally just two months. My skin was broken out in comedones and such in the beginning of March, but other than that it wasn't too bad. Then the acne starting popping up like there was no tomorrow, and voila, tons of red marks and some scarring.

Lucky for me my derm rules. Speaking of my derm and Accutane, I'm getting my blood test hopefully on Friday. If not then, Saturday. Then the results will be faxed off to my doc in a couple days and I'll be back in his office in early, early June.

On an unrelated note, I really need new makeup but as usual I'm hesitant to buy anything I've never used before. I like my Cargo makeup as it never breaks me out or irritates my skin, but it doesn't give enough coverage for my marks and active pimples. I need something heavier... but really, the thought of buying something like that right now, just as summer is starting, is very distasteful. It's already getting hot here, and I felt really uncomfortable with my face sweating in all that heat. Very gross indeed.

I was at the MAC counter today looking for a decent concealer, and tried out the Studio Sculpt one... way too emollient, though the coverage is good. I would definitely not recommend it to someone with remotely oily skin, though I think it would be a great option for those with dry skin - only people with dry skin tend not to have acne, and people with acne who have dry skin almost always have it because they're using too many products and not enough lotion. Oh well. I suppose it might be good for undereye circles for people with dry eyes, who knows. But overall not a good option for someone oily. It's hard for oily-skinned people to pick a good concealer because so many of them are liquid-y or creamy... MAC's potted concealer is actually extremely dry so I guess it doesn't slide around, but it's a horrible texture and blends terribly. Crap product, in my opinion, or maybe I just can't apply makeup. I don't know.

Oh, one thing new: I tried my little sample of True minerals mineral foundation. The primary ingredients are iron oxides, so I'm hoping my skin will not get irritated like it did with EDM. Almost all powders contain iron oxides, and I've used Neutrogena's pressed with no problems, so... the mineral stuff goes on very nicely and leaves behind a bit of an iridescent shimmer. It would be nice, but it accentuates dryness on the face noticeably, I could see cracks on my skin. Oh well. It helped even out makeup and gave it a big of a glow, though. And it didn't feel uncomfortable or itchy, and so far my skin doesn't feel irritated or anything though I've been wearing it all day. The makeup on my nose also hasn't slid right off, and it's been about 12 hours since I applied all this.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I'm extremely tired so...

So far so good with the True minerals, though I've only tried it once. I did however wear it all day in relatively hot weather, and it kept my foundation put and seemed to control oil quite well for around 12 hours. I'm still hesitant to try this stuff on the right side of my face, because that's the worst part and I don't want to aggravate unless I absolutely have to (i.e. special event). In either case maybe I can handle small quantities of mica. Who knows.

My skin is not the smoothest lately but it's calmed down a lot since I stopped applying Aczone. Go figure! I feel guilty about having spent so much on it though. Maybe I'll use it on my forehead or something, which doesn't make sense because the acne there is uninflamed. Oh well, I dunno. But what a waste... if anyone out there wants to try Aczone but doesn't have insurance, I'll sell you mine. It's too expensive to give away, heh.

I'm still breaking out, but not as badly as I was when I was trying out Aczone. Lots of the papules are calming down, though I've gotten a few in their place, just not as outlandishly huge. My left side is calming down well also. I've noticed that not bugging my skin tends to produce better results, but am back on MaMa today. Only difference is I'll probably just use it every other day or to spot treat because my skin is happier when it's not abused.

Finally, I tend to pick my chin. Not in the strict sense where I squeeze things, but you know how those 'rice plugs' in uninflamed acne can be pulled out sometimes? The top of mine sort of stick out of the skin surface and I can pull them out by scratching my fingernail over them. This doesn't cause scarring or anything of that sort unless I go over scabs, which I usually don't. There are tons of these things on my chin so I try to pick them off occasionally, but have realized that EVERY time I do my chin breaks out. I do it because the skin there feels smoother afterward, but the next morning or so I've got 3-4 new inflamed pimples that ache. Lame, no more touching of my chin EVER.

All right I'm really too tired to be writing in this thing. I'm just counting down the (2) days until I take my blood test for Accutane...

STILL haven't had my blood test yet. My doctor's not open tomorrow, so I'll have to get my blood drawn Monday. Arghh. The only upside to that is I can start exercising in preparation. It probably won't help but hey, it's exercising!

Not much has changed, really, but my skin is looking calmer. All I've done really is just left my face alone, and I'm taking birth control regularly. I only apply makeup when I need to and wash it off with soap and water. Usually no topicals - no Aczone or MaMa. I've realized something about topicals lately... when my acne gets very bad, it will NOT respond to them. Something about my skin changes in such a way that it rejects anything 'medicinal' - though it doesn't seem to freak out as badly in response to makeup.

I tried tea tree oil and MaMa the past few days, and found that bigger pimples actually swelled even more when applying these topicals. They work fine for pustules, but they're hopeless against papules, which seem to swell up when I apply a topical. This may explain my terrible reaction to BP years earlier; I just can't treat my skin effectively with topical medication when it's at its worst. I'm still spot treating with MaMa, but other than that I'm just leaving my face alone and NOT touching it.

Things I have been considering: anti-candida, all meat diet, and vigorous exercise.

I disagree with what you said about dry skin and acne. You can have dry skin and moderate acne even if you use moisturizer and not a lot of products.

True, I have very dry skin and moderate acne. But acne is almost always an issue related to excessive sebum production, which usually means more oil - people have *naturally* dry skin because their oil glands are acting sluggish. In my opinion, people with acne-prone skin usually get dry skin cosmetically - we tend to (over)use products that can be harsh and drying from trying to treat acne, which happens to me. I'm sure if I left my skin to its own devices it wouldn't flake, because there's tons of oil coming up from beneath.

Different things may be going on on the surface, but if you peel away the epidermis I'm sure you'll find too much oil beneath in acne-prone people. Hence why Accutane tends to treat acne regardless of cause, because it targets the root of the problem.

To update, my skin feels wonky and weird and inflamed, though I haven't been putting anything on it but makeup. I'm going to go back to MaMa, I guess... these stubborn papules won't budge, and my skin generally feels dirty and gross, as does my scalp. Sucks, because I got some new clothes the other day and would like to wear them out without looking and feeling like a messy freak. Oh well.

In random beauty-related news, I just finished up my tub of Surgiwax, which I think is a sugar-based waxing gel that smells a bit like caramel. It's really great stuff, though it doesn't work on the face, no matter what the manufacturers say. Other than that, the entire tub lasted me a year (though it got kind of hard after 8 months; I'd have to keep re-heating every 10 minutes because the wax would cool too quickly) or more, and it's super easy to use. Also the wax washes off completely with warm water, which is a plus - no need for oil removers or anything like that.

Anyway, I ran out of Surgiwax the other day while waxing my legs and went over to CVS to replace it. And... surprise... THEY DIDN'T HAVE IT. Which is nonsensical, because this is the best-stocked drugstore I have ever been to. I'm guessing Surgiwax doesn't make this kind anymore, which totally sucks because it's cheap and it works well. I replaced it with "Andrea" all-over wax, and was really grossed out when I opened the tub... it's going right back to CVS, because there's no way I'm putting that stuff all over my body. I'd be oiling my limbs forever to get that stuff off. I touched it lightly with my fingers and it literally had the consistency of tacky Superglue, wouldn't wash off with soap + water, and wouldn't even come off when I used oil on it. So now it feels like I have glue flakes all over my fingers. These people really need to formulate their wax. It also smells disgusting, I'm very disappointed.

I'm going hunting for that Surgiwax, I need to get my waxing kicks in while I can because I won't be able to for ages after Accutane. There's no way I'll shave my arms (I've made this mistake before) on Accutane, so I guess I'll just have to settle for my legs and stay generally hairy everywhere else. How tragic.

ETA: I saw my skin under bright lights today in various bathrooms, and had on 2 layers of foundation which I had hastily applied with my fingers. Apparently my red marks aren't covered all the way with makeup on; even with I go for the works and put on concealer, foundation and powder. Well, fabulous. My acne wouldn't even look so bad if I wasn't redmarked all over. I hope my doctor prescribes hydroquinone soon.

ETA 2: My beloved Surgiwax hasn't been discontinued, according to their website. I guess the drugstore just didn't carry it.

I am breaking out very badly on the left side of my face, which is typically quite clear - at most, I have several pustules on there that don't linger or leave noticeable scarring. HOWEVER, it's now covered in about eight or so welts - the pimples are so angry-looking they look almost like mosquito bites. I was really puzzled about this, because a) my left side is my good side and b) my right side is doing relatively all right, and it's my worst side. I was wondering wtf I'd done to my face that would make just the left side break out, then it finally hit me - it's probably the True Minerals I've been using.

I have been testing it out on my skin for the past week, and have been applying it mostly to my nose to set my foundation. My nose does look a bit more irritated than usual, but then again it hardly ever breaks out. I then tried it on my left cheek and chin, and a couple days later noticed that my chin had developed three pustule/papules. Not unusual, because my chin area breaks out frequently in painful pimples. So I thought the True Minerals was safe to use, until today.

These are pretty bad pimples, not the kind I got when trying EDM, which were tiny, irritated-looking comedones. Then again, I have realized that my skin reacts/breaks out very badly when my acne is moderate - I guess it just responds according to how severe my acne is at the time. Anyway, I've got very large papules on my face, half-buried beneath the skin, and have even developed an enormous lurker (this is what I'm going to call under-the-skin pimples from now on; under-the-skin takes ages to type) as well. It's so big it's almost cystic.

This comes as a nasty surprise, because I did feel my skin was calming down a bit. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. It's like a constellation of huge pimples on the left side, and my forehead is irritated as well - come to think of it, I think I did apply the mineral makeup to my forehead as well. My right side is the only side that escaped from the onslaught, because I never, ever apply anything there that doesn't need to be there, as it's my worst area.

Well, this sucks. I'm just waiting for the breakout to blow over which, knowing my slow healing time, could be months. Two weeks if I'm very lucky. For now I'm using MaMa as usual on my right side (marks look irritated, but other than that it's okay) and am using Aczone on the left side. I figure that side will calm down eventually because it's not a particularly acne-prone area on my face, and that it wouldn't hurt too terribly to try Aczone again. That, and it cost me 115 bones so I may as well.

This is a pretty bad reaction, considering my forehead hardly ever breaks out regardless of what irritating product I apply to it. I hope it goes away soon, it looks very gross under makeup. I don't need another carpet of red marks on my smooth left side, thanks very much. Stupid mineral makeup, I swear it off forever. I've also been considering switching foundations because I've been using the same one forever - and it doesn't give enough coverage - but I really don't have the courage to do that. Every time I try something new my skin freaks out, so I suppose I'll just be purchasing another packet of that soon. Oh well.

My skin looks gross. I caught a glimpse of it in a car window today which blurs out most details, but could see all these raised bumps all over my face. Disgusting. I also thought my right side was improving considerably, but every time I think that about my face my skin goes to shit. I now have 3 lurkers on on my right side, including one I have had for 3 full months. Incredible. These things never go away. Once I get one, it's pretty much there unless I get it extracted by a surgeon. Fuck my life.

Left side of course looks horrible as usual and is itchy again thanks to Aczone. Blah blah blah blah blah. I'm not even going to mention Accutane because every time I mention something I ruin it for myself. I'm just really pissed because certain people are trying to intervene in my life when I told them I never wanted to hear from them again. I can't even break contact with dignity, or go out for 'one last meeting' because I look like such shit. So I just end up hiding myself from the world and feeling like crap about it.

When is this EVER going to be over? Am I being punished for something I did? Jesus CHRIST.

It is incredibly frustrating to have acne that lasts well over three months. Every single lurker that popped up three months ago is still on my face, at the stage it was when it first developed (about half a cm in diameter). They leave a weird cast on the surrounding skin, even though they're not immediately visible - and they're usually colorless. They're almost like tiny little tumors, which is a horrible thought.

These went away when I went on Ortho Lo, but they're resurfacing again - despite the fact that I'm still on Ortho Lo and never once took a break from it. What's so irritating about them is that they last FOREVER, and will not subside unless something intervenes: either oral antibiotics, birth control, or probably Accutane. So, so, so, so, so annoying. I even have one on my scalp and on the juncture between my cheek and earlobe that's been there for way too long.

Aghhhhhhhh. I need to go distract myself. The Internet becomes more and more boring the more time you spend away from it.

I've been avoiding writing in here because I didn't want to jinx my Accutane course, which hasn't even started... I didn't want to make anything 'definite' until my bloodwork went through, because I knew there was a chance something could come out weird. I got a call from the office today, and they told me that a couple things were 'off,' but not so much so that they can't proceed with treatment - though I will be monitored closely for any weird changes. They typically deny Accutane to people with abnormally high results (don't know what chemicals they were referring to really), but apparently a couple of my results came out oddly low. We don't have a history of liver disease in the family, so... I don't know.

Regardless, I've arranged to get a pregnancy test done in late May, send the results over to my doctor, and will probably get my prescription on June 3. I really do think I need to get healthy before I start my course - start exercising when I can, and maybe get on some stronger supplements (and not just my daily multivitamin).

So, all in all, I've been given the green light. Doctor said treatment will proceed as scheduled, and that he'll just be keeping a close eye on me. On one hand I'm terrified but I'm also so sick of dealing with acne in my adult years. I think I'll at least give it a month, and go off it altogether if I start noticing really weird changes in myself.